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End it?

(49 Posts)
Juliejools89 Sat 29-Nov-14 12:44:41

Hi all, I'm new here. Feeling a little lost so looking for some advice.
My guy and I met 4 months ago online- we message everyday, talk on the phone weekly and have met up and gone for lovely walks in the park and spent a couple of hours in a hotel being intimate (we haven't slept together yet).
For the last 5 days we've been planning to meet again. He lives with his family still, 2 brothers (mid 20's) so I said I'd be more comfortable staying on my own in a hotel again. I pay for this as it's my choice. I travel 2 hours to visit him.
He texted me on the way down yesterday to tell me his day off with work has been cancelled and he has to work from 3-12. That's fine, my hotel is 2 minutes from his work so we make a plan he will come see me in the morning. We both want to just hold each other and be close, and we've both intimated we want to have sex too.
Meet him at 9 this morning and he tells me on the way to the hotel that his shift is now 10-6. I spent an hour with him (quiet and trying not to cry or get mad) and am hoping he will finish early like he does sometimes so he can come see me some more. To me even 6pm is early enough to stay for a while, and I've asked him to stay over if he'd like, but with no response as yet.

I'm wondering for anybody could give me some advice please- I don't want to end something that I feel could be really good, but I also can't fork out £150 for an hour of his time. I feel so down I've kinda just crawled into bed and pray he will text to say his shift is ending early.

Any advice or anyone been in a similar place?

brokenhearted55a Sat 29-Nov-14 12:46:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55a Sat 29-Nov-14 12:48:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

makeitabetterplace Sat 29-Nov-14 12:48:55

Just explain that to him and see if he can come see you next time or only visit when he's not got work.

avocadogreen Sat 29-Nov-14 12:50:42

I wouldn't stay in bed... get out there and try and do something fun! But yes, if he doesn't make your effort worth it by taking you out tonight and making it clear that he wants to see you then I would think about ending it.

MellowAutumn Sat 29-Nov-14 12:50:45

How are you and how old are you ? What job does he do ? 4 months and you havnt been intimate. Why?

Finola1step Sat 29-Nov-14 12:55:04

Julie what I said to you on your other thread about the same situation stands. He's taking you for a ride.

CleanLinesSharpEdges Sat 29-Nov-14 12:55:59

He's hardly mad keen and gagging to spend some time with you, is he? Sorry.

Pack up, go home, tell him to do one. That's my advice.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 13:02:46

The right person would want to drop everything to be with you rather than expect to keep you on stand by in some hotel waiting for him to find the time. hmm Find someone more local who has their own place and a bit of enthusiasm. You're making all the running here, looking desperate to be brutally honest.... and it's going nowhere.

CleanLinesSharpEdges Sat 29-Nov-14 13:08:05

Is this the guy that works in his parents pub? And he can't even ask the boss (his mum) for a shift off or get someone to cover?

You travel 200 miles and pay to stay in a hotel to see him and you don't even get dinner/drinks/a trip to the cinema... Just a free cheap afternoon in the park.

He's a lost cause. You really are wasting time and money on this one.

tipsytrifle Sat 29-Nov-14 13:08:57

So are you in the hotel now? In which case have you already paid? I think TraveLodge is cheaper tbh but that probably isn't the point.

A 2h drive is do-able, a travel lodge for intimacy is do-able too. His enthusiasm seems to be distinctly lacking though. I would really be having second thoughts if this journey is really worth it at all. I think I might be driving home already. What do YOU want to do?

Juliejools89 Sat 29-Nov-14 13:49:04

He just visited me during his break and hoping to see each other later.

Yuh huh, it is the pub fellow. We straightened things out a little from before and he got a job managing a retail outlet away from the pub job as it's steadier money and easier to realise he's being taken advantage of. His mum wasn't paying him for all his time so he wanted a change.

What I want to do is not have to worry about somebody else's schedule. I'm lucky I work a Monday to Friday 9-5 and that never changes, but I am a planner and this whole changing around thing drives me crazy.
Will hopefully talk properly to him after work and see what's up. He seemed pretty pleased to see me on his break but still, things could be far better.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 14:04:25

What do you plan to do to make sure you're not making all the running? Is he offering to travel and pay for hotels etc?

AnyFucker Sat 29-Nov-14 14:07:45

You sound (literally) desperate for a few crumbs of attention. He is treating you accordingly I am afraid.

ivykaty44 Sat 29-Nov-14 14:21:20

Get yourself home and put the down to experience - move on or get hurt later

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 29-Nov-14 14:27:08

I would also go home and write off this loser now before you get even more emotionally over invested in what you may actually see as your project.

I would also look into having some counselling as to why you have found any of this acceptable to date. What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

brokenhearted55a Sat 29-Nov-14 14:31:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fmlgirl Sat 29-Nov-14 14:38:42

CleanLines is right. What do you want with this loser? He's probably in a relationship already bur even if not, he claims he works and can't even pay half the hotel cost or buy you a meal? Why don't you think that you can do better than this? I would try to investigate that and stop this waste of space.

Juliejools89 Sat 29-Nov-14 14:41:15

My last relationship lasted from when I was 15-22. We had a child and he abused me physically and emotionally until I left.
My parents were straight laced and very strict. I always feel like I'm letting them down, hence why I stayed since for nearly 3 years to avoid messing everybody around. I suppose this guy is the first one in all that time who makes me feel good about myself again. He says all the right things, but clearly the behaviour doesn't follow the words.
I very rarely get positive attention from anyone. My parents didn't have much time for me, I was bullied and I still currently have depression which makes clicking with anybody really hard. So you're right, I do cling to the crumbs. It's terribly pathetic I know.

CupidStuntSurvivor Sat 29-Nov-14 14:49:37

Surely if his employer is changing his shift they need to give a certain amount of notice to make it a compulsory change?

On this basis alone, I'd drop him. Work is obviously more important than a woman who's travelled 2 hours to have some time with him.

Have you been to his house? Sure he's not married?

AnyFucker Sat 29-Nov-14 15:12:44

Look, he is lying to you too

His shifty behaviour snacks of another relationship on the go and him having to look for excuses to go missing for a couple of hours

Where is your child now, love ?

AnyFucker Sat 29-Nov-14 15:14:35


Juliejools89 Sat 29-Nov-14 15:36:44

He's with his dad back home. We alternate weekends so I tied it all together to fall in with that.
I don't know if he has another relationship, we spend so much time talking on the phone I figured a wife or girlfriend would have had something to say after 4 months.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 15:37:07

I'm sorry that you rarely get positive attention from anyone but this half hearted man is really not the answer. If anything, the way he's messing you around will sink your low self esteem even further. Please don't settle for it

CupidStuntSurvivor Sat 29-Nov-14 15:39:03

But you only actually talk on the phone weekly...texting can very easily fit around a relationship. Have you been to his house?

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