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Insecure about other halfs new friend

(4 Posts)
Username007 Thu 27-Nov-14 22:48:08

Hiya ladies, I'm Hayley and new on the forum. I'm so glad to have found a space where I can air my concerns to an unbiased community of ladies who (hopefully) won't be too harsh when I explain what brought me here Lol. Me and my partner have been together for 5 years and have a 1yr old child together, the communication between us has broken down and I don't feel able to talk to him about my insecurities without an argument ensuing as a result. I'm hoping somebody here might have some advice for me, here goes..

Over the past few weeks my partner has become friendly with a bloke who lives closeby, this blokes girlfriend is a beautiful girl and has a great personality to match. We have quite a bit in common with this couple and due to that my partner is keen to invite them around the house for cups of tea and such like. The girlfriend is a bubbly person and usually so am I but at the moment I'm the exact opposite and feeling very fragile because I suffer from anxiety and depression and at the moment I'm going through a crap time.

I don't dislike the girl in fact I think she's a lovely person but I can't help but feel insecure in her presence and it makes me uncomfortable.

I know it probably sounds stupid to some and I think that myself too. That's why I've posted here anonymously and not raised the issue with my partner, that and because he would have no idea where I'm coming from. In his eyes she's just his new pals girlfriend who comes along with her boyfriend because she's a friendly person. He even wants us to be friends which would be nice.. If I didn't have these bloody feelings :-(

Its not like I think anything is going on or is even likely to, I just feel SO uncomfortable when they are around. I think he might be attracted to her because I can sense a chemistry between them, maybe I'm imagining things but she's lovely and he's only human. I know there's nothing wrong with finding another person attractive but when I feel so crap about myself that kind of added worry just makes me feel worse.

What can I do? I'd never try to stop him having friends over and I'm not somebody likely to come forward an create an atmosphere with perfectly nice people through no fault of their own so I don't know how on earth to get past feeling so insecure about her presence and find it barable because today when they came over I made my excuses and pretended I had to attend to something upstairs.

Ugh :-(

honeybunny14 Thu 27-Nov-14 22:56:05

I think by the sounds of things you are going through a bit of a hard timewith depression and anxiety both of these things can make you feel insecure. But by what you have said Iddon't think you have anything to worry about they sound like a lovely couple why don't you and the girlfriend have a girls night only and see how things go from there.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Nov-14 06:17:10

It sounds as though this woman's cheery personality is simply highlighting how insecure and unhappy you are feeling personally and also in your relationship. You're comparing her with yourself and believing you fall short. Also, your partner sounds like he's engaging with her in a way - pleasant? flirting? - that he is failing to do with you. That's never a good thing.

I think it would be worth saying more about what you mean when you mention that communication has broken down. What does that look like in reality?

Headgone Fri 28-Nov-14 07:39:23

if your partner has only known these people three weeks, why do they keep coming to your home? I would say you should all cool it down and back off.

Also as she is always with her bf, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.

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