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How bad IS this?

(6 Posts)
Solidaritywolf Thu 27-Nov-14 21:52:36

Had a big argument with dp tonight.
Background -relationship not good for a while, under a lot of financial pressure as dp trying to finish overrun phd, and we have 17month old ds.
I am feeling like I'm cracking under the strain- looking after ds alone 5.5 days a week, also working (self employed) to earn 3/4 of our living expenses (in London), also sole responsibility for all household stuff. Expressed this to dp tonight, also said some harsh things like I felt she wasn't prioritising me and ds and was beig self centred and narcissistic. She got very angry and threw her phone hard at me which I think will leave a bruise. I don't know how seriously to take this. I grew up with a father who has similar occasional outbursts. My mother always minimised it. I don't know how to respond to this.

magoria Thu 27-Nov-14 21:59:03

You have to take this very seriously.

You have to say never again.

What if that had hit DC?

What if next time it is something heavier/more dangerous?

What if your DP moves on from throwing things to throwing fists?

I don't think you can fix this relationship unless your DP is completely appalled at their aggression and anger and wants to work on it.

YellowTulips Thu 27-Nov-14 22:03:04

So what exactly do YOU get out of this relationship?

You sound like a single parent to me looking after a small child and a stroppy teenager....

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Thu 27-Nov-14 22:04:05

She needs to go right now, and come back for her larger belongings when she understands that she committed assault and ABH. Have her removed by the police if necessary.

MagicBacon Thu 27-Nov-14 22:30:17

I think that's the end personally, althought it might depend on how apologetic your dp is and whether she has talked about getting some help with her aggression. It's not just physically abusive, but also completely disrespectful to throw something at you.

During an argument once dp screwed up a receipt he had in his hand and threw it at my face. I was livid, it may have only been paper, but it happened to be whatever was in his hand. What if it had been something else?

I let it go after making it clear (or so I thought) how out of order it was and that I wouldn't tolerate this sort of behaviour. However, he recently escalated his aggression to a point where I had to call the police to have him removed from my house. If I had listened to my gut the first time I could have saved myself the trauma of all of this.

What is your gut feeling on this? Is your dp at all apologetic or accepting of her faults? Are there other indicators of controlling behaviour?

GarlicNovember Thu 27-Nov-14 23:20:31

Hang on - you're doing all the weekday childcare, all the house/wife work, and earning 3/4 of all the money - and DP attacked you when you said she isn't acting like she's in a partnership?

Your evaluation of her was correct, i think. You might not have put it very well to her, but there's no good way to tell a self-centred, narcissistic cocklodger they're a self-centred narcissistic cocklodger.

She's shown you who she is ... I bet you already knew it, underneath sad LTB. She sounds awful. You deserve a lot better.

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