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What questions will the police ask me?(poss trigger)

(36 Posts)
BlackIvy Thu 27-Nov-14 21:29:13

I finally found the courage to contact the police to report the two times my ex h raped me. I couldn't make myself phone. In the end I emailed them.

A DS from the PPU emailed me back and I'm going to go into the station to talk to her.

What questions is she likely to ask me? Will it have to be recorded? I'm nervous as hell. I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing.

getthefeckouttahere Thu 27-Nov-14 22:45:37

Hi black,

Its natural to be nervous, but with luck you will be in experienced hands. Officers on the PPU will almost certainly have received enhanced training in dealing with and interviewing rape victims. They will be able to work with you to establish the best manner in which to gain your evidence. They will be sympathetic and professional. (there have been isolated experiences of even specialist units doing a bad job, but they are rare.)
The questions will be thorough and wide ranging, not always obvious, but they will not be out to 'catch you out'. If you are unsure of anything ask, if you are not happy with the answer ask again.
The biggest failing of these units (and the police in general) is keeping people informed about whats happening. You should be asked how often, and by what means you want to be kept informed. Unfortunately imo due to sheer workload they struggle to maintain this. If this is the case do not hesitate to chase them up.
Hope this helps

HumblePieMonster Thu 27-Nov-14 23:22:11

Not as serious but I recently had to give a statement to police about being the victim of a flasher. The police officer asked loads of questions, quite probing but thorough, practical and not harsh. At the end of it I felt a good job had been done, everything had been said. So expect to talk for quite a while.

You are definitely doing the right thing.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Nov-14 06:10:29

You are doing the right thing and being very courageous. Police officers simply want to hear your story. As said by a PP, they are much better trained these days in dealing with sensitive cases and also in interview techniques. Wishing you the very best of luck

BlackIvy Fri 28-Nov-14 17:44:36

Thanks for your replies. I appreciate it.
I'm going in to see her on Wednesday morning. She offered to come to my house but I feel really weird talking about it at home so I'm going to the station. I want to keep my home as my sanctuary, not a place where I had to speak to the police about being raped.
What I found reassuring is that she said that this meeting with her is just to discuss my options. She isn't making me feel pressured at all. I'm frightened of losing control over the whole thing but she's really made me feel less anxious.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 07:13:24

It sounds as though you've got a really good contact there and your reasons for not speaking about it at home sound extremely reasonable. If it helps for Wednesday, you could possibly write down your recollections in advance as an aide memoire. Very best of luck and I hope this is the start of your finding some peace.

BlackIvy Tue 02-Dec-14 17:44:38

Thanks Cog. She is really nice.

I'm absolutely sick with nerves about tomorrow. How much detail will I have to go into? Will I have to describe exactly what he did, what he put where etc? I'm so scared I feel quite ill sad

CogitOIOIO Tue 02-Dec-14 17:59:12

The police officer, I'm sure, will only want you to tell them information you feel comfortable disclosing. From what you described originally, the person you spoke to has had some training and will want to gain your trust. You're in charge

1moreRep Tue 02-Dec-14 18:06:21

Initially they will want to get the bare bones- approx. time, date, location, general story. If you get video interviewed they will ask further questions- but you are in control about what you decide to answer.

scurryfunge Tue 02-Dec-14 18:09:34

The officer should also be making a risk assessment because it is domestic abuse. Future safeguarding will be discussed.

BlackIvy Wed 03-Dec-14 07:19:32

What does that involve, scurry?

Thanks for your replies, they are reassuring. I feel quite calm this morning. It feels good to be fighting back for once.

velourvoyageur Wed 03-Dec-14 10:00:37

First off I'm very sorry this happened to you and well done for reporting it, it's a good thing you're doing.

IME the police were very sympathetic and sensitive but at the same time did press me for every single detail I could remember. We went over the same little details so many times. I went to the commissariat place maybe six or seven times and they came over to the flat a couple of times too- the questioning part was very thorough and they wanted every single little detail about the act itself as well as other stuff like first time I saw him etc (sorry). My folder had grown by alarming amounts every time I saw it! They typed everything I said inc their questions, printed them off and then both of us signed it.
Also they were very interested in trying to get him for secondary offences such as violence etc- they said since he'd pushed me down and restrained me etc etc there'd also be a conviction for violence. They also went through a list of scenarios e.g. had he got his dick out in front of me and I had to say whether yes or no they happened.

Since it probably hasn't happened to you very immediately recently they probably won't be so full on the day you go there, but I went to them the day after so I guess they really went for it while my memory was fresh.

Hope it goes as well as possible or if it's over, that you're okay now smile hope you squash the bastard

BlackIvy Wed 03-Dec-14 12:29:06

Just a quick up date as feeling a bit rough. I had a long chat with her. I'm going to do a video interview next Thursday. She did warn me that she would be asking very intimate questions.
I'm going to go lie down for a bit. Back later x

BlackIvy Wed 03-Dec-14 12:30:13

Sorry that should have said Tuesday, I'm doing the video interview next Tuesday

CogitOIOIO Wed 03-Dec-14 13:39:49

Keep talking to the officer and explain that you are finding this very daunting. See if she can run through the 'intimate questions' and enable you to prepare some answers in advance rather than catch you completely off-guard.

BlackIvy Wed 03-Dec-14 17:18:56

I will do. I have her email so can contact her easily.
I texted a friend earlier to tell her id spoke to the police. Just had a horrid message back. She said I'm a drama queen and I should just let it lie. I think I'm going to lose friends over this sad

Cauliflowersneeze1 Wed 03-Dec-14 17:23:48

You don't need friends like that , you poor brave lady , you have enough on your plate

scurryfunge Wed 03-Dec-14 18:09:28

Your friend sounds like a real charmer. Do you support elsewhere? A risk assessment will revolve around whether he still poses a risk to you. Does he know where you live, etc. They will explore other controlling and abusive behaviour and what measures can be undertaken to protect you.

scurryfunge Wed 03-Dec-14 18:10:59

** should be, do you have support elsewhere, sorry.

CogitOIOIO Wed 03-Dec-14 18:11:33

If people can't cope with this information, they're really not friends. Be selective about who you share with and what you share. It's a big enough ordeal to have lived it without becoming gossip-fodder

BlackIvy Wed 03-Dec-14 18:53:48

I do have support via rape crisis. I'm on the waiting list for pre trial counselling, apparently I can't have full counselling before any potential trial.
I told this friend in particular because I really thought she'd understand. I've known her since we we children. She presented what she said as her trying to be helpful and being straight with me because she cared. But you're right, she isn't a real friend.

I have a friend coming down to visit tomorrow who knows. He is really a great friend and very supportive.

Apart from that I don't have anyone. I dont have any close family. I have a sister but she lives abroad and is pregnant so I don't want to upset her. She knows he was abusive but not that it was sexual.

I actually feel like I've done something wrong. I feel that people will look at me in a negative way. I always understand why victims say they feel dirty, that's exactly how I feel.

I absolutely have to do this though. It's taken a lot for me to get to this point and there's no going back even though I know I'm probably going to end up feeling worse before it gets better.

I'm just wondering if there is anything I should take with me on Tursday. Should I make notes to take with me? I find it hard to recall things under stress.

scurryfunge Wed 03-Dec-14 19:41:09

There is nothing wrong in taking notes that will assist you but the officer may be wary and will be worried of being accused of having coached you. Just make the notes beforehand and be honest about when and why you made the notes. Be explicit about why you made the notes.

BlackIvy Wed 03-Dec-14 20:50:10

Ok, thank you. I think I might leave the notes then. I don't want to do anything that would jeopardise my case. I'm just so nervous. I feel like I should be doing something.

Perfectlypurple Wed 03-Dec-14 20:55:49

Wow, some friend! At times like this you can certainly see who your real friends are.

On Tuesday just remember you can go at your own pace. If you need a break say so. It sounds like the officer is good so I am sure she will tell you that anyway. Don't put pressure on yourself to get it all said/done in one go. The officers will not get annoyed if you are struggling and need to stop. They will be experienced in this and will know and understand how people react to things like this.

Good luck for Tuesday.

CogitOIOIO Wed 03-Dec-14 21:01:02

You're doing something just by telling the truth. That's why it's taking so much out of you and that's why people will tell you that you've been very courageous. Don't underestimate yourself here.

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