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Conflicting messages

(5 Posts)
TangledUpInGin Thu 27-Nov-14 17:13:01

After husband finally admitted he didn't love me any more, I went to see solicitor to start divorce proceedings. We've got a young family and have not been happy for a couple of years. This is mostly due to his narc family treating me like shit and him not standing up for me.

He seems to be in agreement with the separation, but is now talking about counselling and has asked me to hold off filing the divorce petition at court for the time being. This is a total head fuck as he's also been talking about having to be 100% sure about things even though he's said he's in agreement with the separation. He's now making me think there is a chance we could make this work even though I'm not even sure if I want that or I'm just scared of being on my own or the unfamiliar.

A big part of me wants to just wake up from this nightmare and carry on regardless. I'm also clinging to the hope that the counselling will make him see how unreasonable he has been and we can go back to how we were before his bloody parents stuck the knife in.

I'm massively confused now as he seems to be having doubts about the split.....

What on earth am I supposed to thinkconfused

TangledUpInGin Thu 27-Nov-14 17:14:00

Didn't love me in that way should read

Quitelikely Thu 27-Nov-14 17:21:48

Well some folk do file for divorce and when the reality hits realise they do still love each other.

What are his family doing that has caused the rift? Is this the only problem in the marriage

nicenewdusters Thu 27-Nov-14 17:28:22

What things would have to change for you to feel you could stay ?

Can you change any of these things, can he ?

Do you think it's cold feet on his part, or is he seeing that letting a third party (his family?) pull you apart is not fair, and that the situation can be repaired ?

TangledUpInGin Thu 27-Nov-14 17:44:17

His parents have such an egocentric view of everything that I often find myself getting bullied into situations that I don't want to be in and he seems unable or unwilling to stand up to them. He thinks that avoiding conflict will make everything okay as when we've stood up to them before it's been world war 3. I think he's been brought up with everything being conditional on him doing as they want him to, so he's never really seen a normal loving family who do have ups and downs. His parents have done nothing to help us going through a rough patch just telling him they'll back him whatever he wants to do and in my opinion this is a very passive aggressive way of sticking the knife in. Not to mention totally ignoring the fact we have a very young family.

I can't carry on as we have done, but I do think I'm also clutching at straws hoping that he'll see how unreasonable both he and his parents have been. I just want this counselling to bring home that it is hard with a young family, but almost impossible with more loyalty towards his parents who are causing trouble at every opportunity.

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