Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Do you have any regrets from the past??

(19 Posts)
Ellexx Thu 27-Nov-14 13:14:36

Just wondering whether anyone has any regrets from the past? (It can be anything!) Maybe you have found peace with these and turned these regrets into lessons learnt?

I have a particular regret I still haven't found peace with! I still feel a terrible person and I am actually embarrassed admitting what I did!

I will start: when I was 19 I broke up with my first boyfriend. (5 years ago) I was absolutely heart broken. Towards the end of the relationship he began to treat me quite badly and I later found out he cheated on me on a lads holiday. I had all this bitterness in me and the breakup hit me quite hard, I wasn't myself for a good year. Anyway over a space of 6 months or so I ended up kissing three of his friends. I initiated one and the other two were pretty mutal swaying towards them trying it on with me.

Really have no idea what possessed me to do it, he had always told me to not go near his friends (an ex of his went out with his close friend, and he always kept me away from his friends when we were together) so maybe this was what triggered me to do it! He found out about one friend (which caused quite a stir within the friendship group) but I am still not sure if he found out about the other two. All these years I still feel awful and think what a silly little girl I was!

He apologised for his behaviour and if we bumped into each other we would both be polite with each other . But I still dread him ever finding out about the other two! Not because it would upset him more at how phycho I look! I realise it's something I shouldn't care about anymore though! And I have learnt to handle breakups a lot more dignified! Phew!

Anyway less of me rambling on! Over to you guysssss........

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 27-Nov-14 13:48:24

LOADS!!!! MASSIVE regrets and FAR too many to go into in detail. Also far too many to spend too much time losing any sleep over. I'm not perfect.... so sue me... <shrugs> ... I've moved on. Which btw OP is how I suggest you treat your little matter of kissing people in the past. You didn't have their arms twisted up their backs, everyone was a grown up, they have to take responsibility for their own actions. No need for guilt or dread...

Mrsgrumble Thu 27-Nov-14 13:52:20

Loads. Honestly, kissing isn't a huge deal. If you slept with them I would think differently (not badly of you, but more risks and emotional fallout for you)

I regret the first person I slept with, I was brought up strict catholic and my parents found out and made me feel awful..

I went out with someone for nearly six years and only then he told me he was scared of commitment, I said some unforgivable things to him.

losthermind Thu 27-Nov-14 13:56:55

I try not to dwelling regretful things I have done in my life, I feel it hinders me to move forward and progress as a person.
I'm quite positive that I will have a few more under my belt before I reach the winter of my life, because I'm human

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 27-Nov-14 14:04:58

My biggest regrets surround opportunities not taken. Remember being on a tour of the Canadian Rockies once and being offered a light aircraft trip over the glaciers which would have cost an extra £100 or so. I opted out because the holiday was already very expensive. Have kicked myself ever since!

Translating that to relationships, I've made a few crappy choices down the years but my biggest regrets involve the ones I let slip through my fingers. When I'm on my death-bed I want a nice LONG and X-rated viewing as my life flashes before my eyes

BolshierAyraStark Thu 27-Nov-14 14:14:35

I think most of us have regrets, it's just part of life. I can look back on most of them now though & laugh, this is because I've moved on & not completely grown up.

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 27-Nov-14 14:28:05

Oh fuck me, pulls up a comfy chair, I soooo regret marrying my ex fuckwit but, I would never have had my late daughter and my fab just turned 16yr old son. Would never have met and married my now DH emphasis on the dear wink.

So many good things have come from the things I could regret but choose not too, had I been 19 lovely and a bf had done what he had done I would have shagged both his mates at the same time in the same room/bed/floor/Formica work surface.

Life's too short for regrets my darling, I regret being a fat bird at the moment but I'll be a fat bird at xmas wearing a fab new pair of leopard print boots.


Fontella Thu 27-Nov-14 14:34:11


My son is at Uni and rang me last night to announce he's packing up drinking completely. He's not much of a drinker anyway (neither of my kids are, unlike me at that age), but went out on a social night with the footie team and because he was 20 minutes' late getting there he had to do a forfeit which involved drinking vodka. He said he felt ok going back to halls, but felt rough the next day (and as he is a bit of a fitness freak - not muscle man gym freak, but cycles, runs, plays football etc) and said he absolutely hated it and he just couldn't understand how some of his friends could do it night after night.

We had this great long chat and he told me how he doesn't understand why people want to go out and get hammered all the time, and how he just prefers to go for a meal with friends or watch a film or go to a gig. He also doesn't get the whole 'clubbing' thing - loads of pissed up and drugged up people crammed into a dark room dancing to shite music.

It just made me think of the decades I wasted getting pissed up, the money spent, the irresponsible things I've done (one night stands) the booze calories I've packed in (and had a lifelong battle with my weight as a result) the zillions of fags I smoked, the time I've wasted (out on the razz and days lost to hangovers) the idiots I've got myself hooked up with (some of which turned into longer term relationships - arseholes all of them) the toll on my health, wealth and reputation. I'm never going to get those years back that's for sure. I only managed to pack up smoking about four years ago, and gave up the booze this year (although have slipped up a bit recently), and started going to yoga etc and trying to improve my health and fitness.

I remember going out clubbing one weekday evening, meeting some bloke, staying out all night then going into work next morning still half pissed (and it was a well paid responsible job) wearing the bloody black velvet knickerbocker suit and a frilly shirt I'd had on the night before (well it was the 80s). My toes curl just thinking about it! confused

So I wish I'd become disenchanted with the party lifestyle much sooner and 'grown up' while I still had options to do something with my life. Instead I'm looking at a skint and lonely old age unless an elderly millionaire chances by or I win the lottery. No pension, rented house, barely scraping by most months. Although I am trying to do something about it now ... in reality I've left it too late. I look at my kids starting out as adults and there's me looking at getting my bus pass) and I just wish I'd made more of the opportunities I've had - and yes I've had them and wasted most of them. I had looks, brains, and plenty going for me .. but I squandered it on having 'a good time' - which wasn't really a good time at all!

I also wish I'd had more respect for money and not allowed my ex (we weren't married) to do one over on me financially so I walked away with literally nothing, even though I'd had my own house when we met.

So yeah, lots to regret, but nothing I can do about it now other to accept my lot and get on with it, and hope my kids don't make the same mistakes I did. They seem a bloody sight more mature and responsible than I ever was, thank goodness!


I regret not having relationships before my dh. It has made me wonder if i would have dealt with our marraige issues better. However i have come to terms with it as reading some really sad stories on here recently how peoples teenage boyfriends treated them badly. I feel for those people and hugs to them.

Iflyaway Thu 27-Nov-14 20:54:10

Regrets? Oh yea, plenty, but in the huge scheme of things I, m still alive and kicking and it, s made me who I am today, pretty content generally with my life (60!!! next year ffs!).

The biggest regret I COULD have had is not taking a gamble by marrying my ex and having my abfab DS because of it.

JeffreyGartnerEatsWell Thu 27-Nov-14 20:59:06

yes, wish i'd had a brace. I wish I'd left london when i was made redundant in 1999. A lot of other regrets would be taken care of if I'd just returned home with my 4k instead of trying to keep going in london.

Phoenixfrights Thu 27-Nov-14 21:04:03

Oh yes, but doesn't everyone?

One particular relationship tipped me into my very first bout of clinical depression.
Obviously I seriously regret that but every cloud and all that... depression has (bizarrely) made me the person I am and made me want to live life to the full.

But god, he was an epic shit.... grin

Hatespiders Thu 27-Nov-14 21:16:41

I badly wanted to be a nurse, and worked as an auxiliary nurse during the long Uni summer vacations. Instead I went into teaching (see current thread about that!) and have regretted it deeply. I reckon I'd have made quite a good nurse. But my dear friend who was a nurse (and a ward sister) for 37 years tells me I had a lucky escape, and she ended up as burned -out as I did!

Bluegill Thu 27-Nov-14 21:22:28

Too many. My biggest is wasting years of my life with a complete waste of life who never loved me. But! Im lying on the sofa with the one being that taught me the true meaning of love and how could I ever regret having a child. Even if it is to a complete cunt shock. Sorry about my language but it's the only word that will do.

cafesociety Thu 27-Nov-14 21:23:37

Many, many regrets...bad choices made...lots of big mistakes. It's been interesting though and to be corny - every cloud had a silver lining.

I see it all as a huge learning curve. If I knew then what I knew now I'd do so, so many things differently...but I didn't. Now living in the bed I made.

Wrapdress Thu 27-Nov-14 21:34:20

I have done things in my life others would assume I regret, but I don't regret them at all.

Then, there are other things I regret others would be surprised to know I regret.

For example, I totally and completely regret being involved in dance team in high school. We were the ones who performed at pep rallies and half time at games. Massive waste of time, huge mean girl clique, abusive director (who was embezzling from the group), heavy alcohol consumption, took time away from studies, developed ugly sense of entitlement - Geez - huge regret there. (For some girls it also did a number on their body image as we were weighed and had to stay under a certain weight or you could get kicked off. I'm naturally thin so this wasn't an issue, but it messed with other girls.)

thisisnow Thu 27-Nov-14 22:02:11

Yes I have lots at 29! Regret not going away to uni and regret still living in my home town. Regret not having a "gap yaahhh" and regret staying in the same job for too long. Basically I regret everything haha!

dadwood Thu 27-Nov-14 22:12:50

I regret going to a boys grammar school. It seriously retarded my social skills and confidence, plus they made me do rugby and run in the rain and snow!

BobbyDazzler1 Thu 27-Nov-14 22:32:10

DH's Great Grandma has just turned 90 and is the most positive and cheerful person I have ever met. I love her dearly and think she's the biggest inspiration. One day I asked her how she is always so positive and 'glass half full' and she said ' always go forward. Never look back. You can't change the past. Keep going forward.' This is from a lady who faced huge problems in her life.
We all have regrets. I do. It's hard to come to terms sometimes. You can make this positive by learning from them, but at the end of the day you need to lay regrets to rest and move on x

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: