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Husband is not good with baby

(104 Posts)
mendelli Wed 26-Nov-14 19:22:21

I am having a hard time with DH's relationship with DS. This is our first baby and he's 14 weeks old. My DH is so strange about him - never calls him by his name, just 'son' which is almost a possessive thing. He says things like 'he MY son & has MY name' ( we don't have the same surname) but 2 minutes later will be screaming at DS if he dares to cry. He says awful things like 'shut the fk up you little sht' which upset me so much. He has almost smashed the pram up 3 times when in a rage, and thrown things across the room when DS wouldn't stop crying.
He doesn't care about spending time with baby either. If he finishes work early, he will go to the gym rather than come home to be there for DS's bedtime.

But strangely, he talks constantly about how soon we can have another baby, and actually he was the one who was keen to have kids in the first place, not me.

I feel so alone and am really starting to feel angry and resentful. What can I do? I have tried to talk about it but he just turns it around on me and says I'm over sensitive.

Thehedgehogsong Wed 26-Nov-14 19:25:14

Errr shouting stfu to a baby is seriously messed up. Do you like this man? Is he always so violent and verbally aggressive towards innocent children?! He sounds like a nutcase! Are you sure you and your son are actually safe around him?

grumpyoldgitagain Wed 26-Nov-14 19:26:41

He is abusive and will not get any better

For your and your child's safety you really need to be leaving him

He is not behaving normally nearly smashing the pram up

superstarheartbreaker Wed 26-Nov-14 19:27:13

Bloody hell... He sounds like a nutter. Women's aid might be an idea. Hope your ok?

happyhev1 Wed 26-Nov-14 19:28:24

He sounds very dangerous. I am scared for you and your son, please talk to someone in real life like your health visitor or GP.

Twinklestein Wed 26-Nov-14 19:28:34

I'm really sorry OP, but he's violent around the baby, you really need to get the baby away from him. This is a child protection issue.

Was he verbally or physically abusive with you before the baby came?

Only1scoop Wed 26-Nov-14 19:28:47

Please tell someone or speak to Hv....has he always been abusive?

VertdeTerre Wed 26-Nov-14 19:29:08

Wtf?!? He speaks like that about your son and has thrown things across the room in a fit of rage? How long before he throws the baby?!? And when challenged he says you're over sensitive angry

I would not want somebody with that kind of anger issue near my child. I'm not usually one to say "leave the bastard", but you need to seriously consider if having him around is good for you and your baby.

PotteringAlong Wed 26-Nov-14 19:29:14

From your thread title I thought it might be he's awquard when he holds him / doesn't know what to say / seems a bit caggy handed when changing a babygro.

What you're describing isn't him not being good with the baby, it's downright scary.

TinyWishes Wed 26-Nov-14 19:29:29

What was he like before baby?
Is he possessive with you?
Has he ever hurt you?

Pippin8 Wed 26-Nov-14 19:30:36

Im worried for you & your baby OP. Smashing up a pram & throwing things across the room because a baby is crying is not normal.

I'd get out now, before he does something irreversible. There are so many tragic news stories about men like this. You say he goes to the gym a lot, is he on steroids?

VertdeTerre Wed 26-Nov-14 19:30:54

Yes talk to your health visitor, please, for your son's sake.

PatriciaHolm Wed 26-Nov-14 19:31:00

Sounds like he likes the concept of being the Big Man who had a boy, but isn't actually the least bit interested in the reality. He's a status symbol child, not an actual human he loves - and neither are you. Has he always had violent tendencies?

Quitelikely Wed 26-Nov-14 19:31:22

Bloody hell! I can assure you this behaviour is absolutely wrong and terrible. I nearly dropped my wine when I read that he shouts and swears at your son.

Stay safe, please try to keep your baby away from abuse.

Poor, poor baby.

AlwaysWashing Wed 26-Nov-14 19:32:00

I've never ever said LTB to anyone because there are always 2 sides to a story but if it's as black and white as he screams STFU at your baby because he cries and smashes stuff up then I'm quite sure that it's the right and only thing you can do.
Think if your baby before you think of yourself or your relationship, he deserves better.
Sleep deprivation or any other excuse he might give do not cut it.

saintsandpoets Wed 26-Nov-14 19:32:50

What can I do?

Leave. This man is abusing you and your son, you are not being over sensitive at all.

Twinklestein Wed 26-Nov-14 19:33:46

Don't wait for the health visitor, make an emergency appt with your GP tomorrow and explain your h's behaviour. Contact Women's Aid asap.

Theorientcalf Wed 26-Nov-14 19:34:53

You need to protect your son from this man, get away from him. He is verbally and physically aggressive and you need to make sure your DS is safe.

Topseyt Wed 26-Nov-14 19:35:14

He sounds like an out of control arse. Whilst he is behaving like that around the place then I doubt that your baby will ever stop crying in his presence because it would be so damned scary.

I'm not sure from what you say that it is safe to have him around a baby. He doesn't seem to have much self-control and could cause you or your son a serious injury. For that reason, you really need to consider getting away from him.

Certainly don't have a second baby with him. He can't cope with one, so another would be disastrous.

honeybunny14 Wed 26-Nov-14 19:36:18

I would be leaving him ASAP. You must protect your child op. The reaction from him over a child crying is not normal.

bakingtins Wed 26-Nov-14 19:36:28

I agree with previous posters. You seem to be minimising this - I thought from the title this was going to be about a new dad struggling to get to grips with how to handle fatherhood, but you are describing violent rages around a defenceless baby. Please speak to your Hv, if you don't protect your son you will be seen as complicit in this abuse. Get yourself and your baby away to a place of safety - do you have family who can help?

Humansatnav Wed 26-Nov-14 19:36:40

Fucking hell, shouting at a baby is child abuse . This is a dangerous man .

minklundy Wed 26-Nov-14 19:39:09

Call Women's aid.
Make plans to leave or to get him out of your house. Phone the police.
Throwing things in rage is domestic violence.

You and your child are in serious danger.

Sunshine200 Wed 26-Nov-14 19:41:28

My H was like this too, he said awful things, didn't smash a pram up though (our baby cried a lot with reflux). I stayed but NEVER left him alone with the baby. I did everything with the baby and he worked late at work a lot. It was a very shit time, it took me a long time to get over how much he let me down. 3 years down the line he is great with our daughter and we have a good relationship again. He thinks he was depressed (no excuses I know). Just wanted to share my experience.

supersupersupershock Wed 26-Nov-14 19:42:46

I haven't read all the other responses but he sounds DANGEROUS... ticking time bomb... who on earth would treat a baby like that.

Imagine social services getting involved and possiblity of losing your child if he is considered dangerous.

Please, please get help from professional organisation and keep your baby and yourself safe

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