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Trouble in bed with new partner

(11 Posts)
ProfessorPickles Wed 26-Nov-14 12:07:51

I've been seeing my current boyfriend for 3 months now and we've started sleeping together and everything is going ok apart from when we try to have sex he gets nervous and he loses his erection.
It honestly does not bother me, I don't feel annoyed or embarrassed or anything negative at all but he gets quite upset about it when it happens and thinks I'm annoyed.

I fancy the pants off of him and all I want is for him to feel more comfortable and happy!

Has anyone experienced a partner with a similar issue?
I don't know whether there is anything I can do to help whether I could stop initiating any sort of touching completely and leave it to him?
Or should we keep as we are but try forget about penetrative sex for a few weeks or more?

Any advice would be much appreciated!

ClearlyOpaque Wed 26-Nov-14 13:17:17

Having been in the same situation with an ex, the only advice I can give you is to reassure him when it happens that it's no big deal. My ex was scarred by a previous ex and just needed time to realise that it wasn't a problem. Over a few months, he slowly relaxed and things got better. I had to be patient, but, like you, I wasn't annoyed or bothered about it, so I just made sure he knew that.

Antsypantsy Wed 26-Nov-14 13:28:07

Same problem here with a new partner but to a slightly lesser extent! As PP said, and as you are doing, keep making a point about it not being an issue. My new BF for some reason finds this to be less of a problem in the morning! And when it goes really well, he's much more confident that night!

loveareadingthanks Wed 26-Nov-14 17:17:48

I'm sorry but I really couldn't be bothered with all that. An occasional lack of cooperation from the little man is one thing, but his being unable to have sex would be a dealbreaker for me, unless he committed to going to the GP to find out what his problem is. If it's performance/nerves, it would show me that he's got serious sexual hangups, and I wouldn't want to have to deal with something that could effect my sex life for a lifetime.

That sounds unsympathetic, but he has a problem, and right now he isn't doing anything about it. It might have a physical cause. It might be psychological. But it is unlikely to go away on its own.

He'd have to be the most amazing man ever I suppose, to put up with it.

Joysmum Wed 26-Nov-14 17:24:23

Me and my now DH didn't have PIV for a few months and instead concentrated on foreplay. There were no issues, just that I wanted to wait and I was his first so he was nervous too.

It was great because we got to know and love how to please each other slowly. As such things are better even 20 years on because if the education of those early days smile

ProfessorPickles Wed 26-Nov-14 19:38:59

Thank you for your responses!
I suppose we will just carry on as we are and get to sex later on because I can only imagine the more times we try the worse it'll be for him because he's expecting it to happen.

It is definitely nerves and not a physical issue. Personally it doesn't put me off but I imagine it would become an issue eventually but we haven't been together properly for long so we are still getting to know eachother a bit.
He's gorgeous, fit, funny, clever and a lovely man so it would take a lot to put me off! He's really good in bed too from what I've experienced so far

Joysmum - that's really lovely that you think taking your time really helped smile I think we will do the same!

Lovingfreedom Wed 26-Nov-14 20:36:33

If he says it's nerves then I'd give it a bit of time. Try to put him at ease and encourage him to do other sexual things with you that you enjoy grin....if you get no improvement after a few weeks then think again

ProfessorPickles Wed 26-Nov-14 20:41:46

I've never fancied someone like this before and he gets me so sexually frustrated it's ridiculous blush
He falls to sleep and I'm laid there wide awake because I'm excited! grin

The lack of sex just makes me worse, I like him a lot and hope he feels less nervous soon!

3mum Wed 26-Nov-14 21:44:35

I'd suggest you look at ways to have sex without PIV. There are lots of them and they are often more fun and there is no pressure to maintain an erection. You don't need PIV in order for either of you to have an orgasm.

Sorry can you tell I have had a glass of wine?

ProfessorPickles Wed 26-Nov-14 21:47:11

Yes we can tell grin
You're definitely right though, going to rule it out as an option for the next few weeks and see how it goes smile

Eekaman Thu 27-Nov-14 03:33:45

Hey Pickles,

I'm sure that between you and him he'll get over his performance anxiety and you'll be fine. How often do you guys get together? If this is only once a week or so I wouldnt worry. If it's more often it MIGHT need more thought from you both, but as has been suggested, go have fun doing non PIV stuff for a while and take the pressure of perfectly proportioned penetration away from this.

Good luck

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