He called me a lunatic

[Lula2515]

Which I quite possibly am because I'm posting about the same thing again. I don't expect you to understand, I just need to get it out there..

DP and I have been having problems for a while. Nearly left him when I was heavily pregnant as he'd denied I was his gf and pretended he didn't know I was pregnant to two women he was flirting with on a business trip.

He knows what a huge issue that was for me...I was devastated. I only found out because I was looking at his work emails.
We had a big chat on Monday night about whether we should stay together, I had asked him about something to do with the messages, which was months ago but is still playing on my mind. I basically thought he had lied to get in one of their pants.

We had this big chat and decided to move fwd with me trusting him and him showing me he loved me.

Well I just looked at his work emails again (I know that's not quite my side of the deal..) and on Monday afternoon (so in fairness before the chat) he was emailing the woman we had an issue with in the first place saying that being a dad was horrific because he was so exhausted and "the mum is a lunatic". I'm so upset that he a. Called me "the mum" and b. was again slagging me off to this woman.

He was also messaging a friend saying he'd looked up how much he'd have to pay me in child support and she had sent him a couple of links to properties he could rent...so god knows what he's been saying to her.

I'm now hiding in the toilet not sure how to carry on....should I just accept that we were having a rough time and this was before our chat? Or bring it up with the risk that he will go ape shit?

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

Nope. I don't think he sees you as his "DP".

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

Sorry. But I don't think he wants the relationship.

[Bartlebee]

I think you might be flogging a dead horse.

[Lula2515]

I just don't understand. Whenever we talk about things he says that I'm the one trying to break us up and that he's happy and he loves me.

I feel so sick after reading those messages.

[Windywinston]

It doesn't look good. Sorry, but it doesn't sound like he's really into the relationship.

[Lula2515]

We have a 4 week old gorgeous baby

[Coyoacan]

So sorry, OP. You don't deserve this man and neither does your baby.

[BastardGoDarkly]

Oh love, I'm so sorry, he's turned out to be an utter prick.

He keeps telling you he loves you and wants to stay because he's not quite ready, practically to leave.

When you're ready, you need to confront him and ask him to leave :(

He's emotionally gone anyway :(

You'll be ok, do you have family and friends to lean on?

[farendofafart]

What a terrible thing to say. I'm so angry and sad on your behalf OP. Your DP is really not worth your heartache. I hope you can see that soon. Go, have a happy life with your beautiful son. Fuck him. He will reap back his selfish disinterest when his son eventually sees him for who he really is.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

The longer you keep this person around, the lower your already battered self-esteem will get. Keep offering to trust this lying snake and he'll keep treating you like an idiot. Whatever he may say about love, his behaviour is appalling and you would be fully entitled to tell him to leave. It would not be you 'breaking up the family' it would be you 'rediscovering your self-respect'.

You are worth more.

[peasandlove]

Start making plans and ready yourself as he's going to drop a bombshell.

[niceupthedance]

Sounds like he doesn't want to be the bad guy leaving his partner and small baby. But it seems he has plans to at some point. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I would spend some time checking out practical support as a single parent.

[pictish]

Awww OP I'm so sorry that you are having to face this with your wee baby so new and young.
Doesn't sound good does it?

[Lula2515]

No, it doesn't sound good does it.

Thank you for your replies. I just don't know what to do.

It's not that I can ask him to leave, we're renting and he pays for everything. My only option is to move back with my mum...she has been incredibly lovely and supportive but it's not really what I want. But then feeling like this isn't really what I want either

[Mouthfulofquiz]

I don't expect your mum would want you to stick it out with this Pillock either would she? I think you need to be calm, tell him you have seen these messages and that you are leaving. Have what you need packed up and take your lovely baby to a place where you can be with people that love you.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Of course you can ask him to leave. If he's the named leaseholder he's still responsible for the rent. Doesn't give you a huge amount of breathing space but at least it gets him out of your hair for a while and.... more importantly.... shows that you have some self-respect. Take advantage of your supportive DM to bridge the gap.

He's already looking for flats and has no respect for you. You might as well push him before he jumps.

[Lula2515]

No, my mum thinks I should stick it out til after christmas to see if it gets better.

Jesus that second woman (the friend) just left her husband...I hope they're not flats for them to move into together..

[MorrisZapp]

Have you told your mum what you've told us?

[a2011x]

You need to leave, he is doing horrible things, the chat doesnt matter, the thoughts he had before the chat wont go away with the chat. It is possible having these conversations makes him feel better, and they aren't even reality as to speak, some people enjoy 'being' someone else online, but actually I think he is aware of what he is doing. Please leave him for your own sanity, So sorry x

[Fmlgirl]

Clearly he doesn't want you and the baby. Why are you bothering? What exactly do you get out of the relationship? I think it would be better to be a lone parent without the added stress. You also don't want your child to grow up in a toxic environment and learn that this is a way to treat women.Your bf is a massive loser.

[simontowers2]

The only thing left for you to salvage from this relationship is your pride OP by getting out before he does the inevitable.

[Lula2515]

My mum knows a fair bit. Not about recent messages.

He's very charming to the outside world.

I love him and really hoped we'd be a little family..that's what I get out of it.

Yes I am in constant suspicion. I may not be a lunatic but it is driving me mad

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Constant suspicion tends to go with the turf of living with someone who is constantly untrustworthy. Of course you hoped you'd be a little family ... it's a pity he doesn't appear to extend you the same courtesy. Please don't let him drive you mad and please don't stick around just to save face or accommodate others. It's miserable. Stand up to him or reject him or both.