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pls someone talk to me I feel so sad....

(18 Posts)
kelell17 Tue 25-Nov-14 23:29:56

just that really....cant pull myself out of it I feel so worthless and spend every night crying myself to sleep....this site gives me faith that there are kind people in the world tho...x

Primadonnagirl Tue 25-Nov-14 23:37:08

I will talk....what's upsetting you so much?? Honestly love Theres nothing that can't be worked through with time but maybe telling us here will help

Frogisatwat Tue 25-Nov-14 23:45:36

Hi kel I remember your user name. Did you recently have another thread?

kelell17 Tue 25-Nov-14 23:49:48

hi thanks for taking the time to answer smile I have other threads on here an old one about my now ex I guess altho he still hassles me and one about my horrible abusive mother. ..basically im an MN burden but I have no one to talk to sad feel like no one in RL cares I'm so sad I'm not worth anything to anyone except my kids who deserve better than a sad mum that cries all the time anyway ive lurches from violent relationship to abusive relationship time n time again each time thinking that person will be the one that will make me happy I seem a really bad judge of character n feel like a pathetic kicked puppy that just goes back for more in the vain hope that one day someone will take pity on me n show they care
I realise this post sounds so wallowing in self pity n I hate myself even more for that but I dont know how else to explain how I feel just being honest
don't even feel like a person anymore ive had every shred of self worth and identity emotionally kicked out of me for years I feel now theres none of me left but I just go thru the motions of my own life in the vain hope that one day it will change but from experience it seems unlikely atm sad x

kelell17 Tue 25-Nov-14 23:51:43

hi frogiswat...yes I did one a while back about my now ex trying to make sense of how cruel he is and theres one running atm about my mum trying to ruin me....all doom n gloom I'm afraid! sad x

bunchoffives Wed 26-Nov-14 00:15:01

Ah Kel, you are worth so much, you sound like a lovely woman and you must have so so much strength to have survived all that going on in your life.

I'm not surprised you're sad, recovering from abusive relationships is something everyone finds hard. Have you tried the Freedom programme?

If you have had an abusive mother and upbringing, the likelihood is that you will go on to have abusive relationships as an adult because boundaries that other people have that keep them safe and stop them tolerating knobs, have been broken down and crossed in you. Have you read 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft?

Get some support from WA and be kind to yourself. Do at least one nice thing for yourself everyday and plan some things to look forward to.

Cabs1 Wed 26-Nov-14 00:16:58

You are not worthless - you've said you've got kids - and they love you. You have brought them into this world and brought them up and you know you have to be there for them. See - you've already done so many amazing things. They love you for who you are, and you are their mum and you are all they want. Be strong for yourself and for them. Easy to say I know - but you can do it.
And there is no shame in being low now and then so don't worry about posting. That's what MN is here for.

kelell17 Wed 26-Nov-14 00:34:46

thank u ladies....ive heard ofnthe freedom programme before what is it exactly? I only have internet on my phone so may struggle to do an online course etc on such a small screen?
id love to plan things to look forward to but i'm so lonely going anywhere with 3 kids on my own is so hard practically and emotionally I try n smile and find it fun but I dont coz I so badly miss having any adult company at all....I will try and do something nice for myself each day... I'm not sure what tho? I spend all evening just watching tv on my own when kids in bed...ive often wondered would the doc give me sleeping pills just so I can go to sleep once kids asleep and not have to be sat awake sad and lonely till the early hours every night as the nights seem so long! x

DixieTreats Wed 26-Nov-14 00:37:27

Whereabouts are you Kel? X I'm with you on the sitting up till the small hours thing! Horrible. Racing thoughts.

kelell17 Wed 26-Nov-14 00:38:07

hi dixietreats...I live in the midlands.... You? x

keepingupwiththekhaleesi Wed 26-Nov-14 02:27:03

Aw love, you sound depressed to me. Go see your GP, not for sleeping pills but to see if there is any help they can offer you. Are your children at school or nursery? Could you volunteer to go in and help with reading or something like that to get some adult company and be appreciated. You have tons to offer, loads of life experience and mum experience. I've made friends with a couple of mums at school just by inviting a couple of DS's mates round for tea. Having similar aged kids is a BIG thing to have in common- plenty to talk about! Get onto you tube & look at some mindful meditation relaxation type exercises you can do to relax. I do sometimes... Should probably try it now seeing as its 02:26 smile

Adarajames Wed 26-Nov-14 02:58:58

If your kids are at school / nursery, then see if you can find a local freedom programme you can go to, be so much nicer to be able to talk and get support in person than online. I second the visit to GP, explain how you feel, lots has happened to you recently and it might help to get some support with getting through the hard patch with some medication. And do try and remember it's a hard patch, things WILL get better, I know it's hard to see that when you're down that deep dark hole, but it does improve. Warm thoughts and hugs sent to you xx

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 26-Nov-14 05:08:33

Another one urging you to seek help. If life feels too difficult to manage solo and you're being ground down by one problem after another, that's the time to get others involved. This is also difficult for someone who feels they are unworthy of help.... but please make the effort to reach out because people can only intervene if they know you are struggling. Talking to your GP, HV or similar is a good suggestion but please tell them the full story and ask for practical help or they may be tempted to leave their input at medication. Calling Samaritans might also be a good idea. Good luck

nicenewdusters Wed 26-Nov-14 11:48:59

Hope today is being a little kinder to you.

Lots of good advice on previous posts. Please don't ever feel that you shouldn't share your worries and concerns with others, whoever they may be. I think it's when you clam up and don't feel that you can that things get really bad.

When my dc were babies my dp was frustrated that we couldn't get them to sleep better - as was I ! He kept wondering what we were doing wrong, could it be that hard etc. When we were out one day I pointed to the shelf in the book shop containing about 20 books on getting children to sleep. I said if it was that easy how come there were so many books about it?

The point I'm trying (clumsily) to make is that as a society we know how hard life can be at times, and you've obviously had your fair share. So why shouldn't you reach out to people and all those organisations that can help? It's a cliche but if you had a broken leg you wouldn't think you were weak in going to hospital, would you ? I've taken the offer of help in various guises over the years, I can't think of any of those that were unhelpful or that I regret.

I know how hard it is to move forward when you feel you've fallen so far. Just the effort of thinking straight can be exhausting. But you are worth so much more than the validation of others. Other people can love and support us, but we ourselves can only ever really be the mainstay of our lives. You know yourself better than anyone, you're not going to quit on yourself, you always have your best interests at heart. Initially I found this quite a scary thought, but now I find it a comfort and a source of strength.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 26-Nov-14 11:52:01

Kel where in the midlands? I am there too and am going through some similar things to you smile

kelell17 Wed 26-Nov-14 12:26:45

hi puds...I live in staffordshire....u? x

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 26-Nov-14 12:34:38

I'm derbyshire, so not too far smile If you fancy a meet up sometime I'm sure we could arrange something? No pressure smile

bunchoffives Thu 27-Nov-14 01:42:14

Doing something nice for yourself could be as small as a nice relaxing bath or a pot of tea and a good book, or something a bit more like a morning shopping or planning a day trip somewhere. Whatever, as long as it is for you and you enjoy it .

And you need to really look after yourself and treat yourself well. Eat well, exercise (good for depression) and get plenty of sleep.

I think those words in the Desiderata desiderata are so true - 'many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness'. So finding ways of getting adult contact/company in the day might also really help your mood.

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