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"Adultery - sexual intercourse at anytime before a decree absolute"....so MORE enforced celibacy then!

(34 Posts)
what2eatwhenurbored Tue 25-Nov-14 20:43:02

Wow - just read this on uk website.

So just as I've just been advised to get a separation agreement ASAP to get on with my life from a controlling husband, now I can't have a sexual relationship throughout the coming the months...years?? In case he finds out and could then contest the agreement to punish me and make my life worse?!

Not sure I can cope!! Feel like everyone says it's okay to date soon as I've been so lonely for years - maybe not??

Any real/first-hand experience of how this might work in real life???

GinAndSonic Tue 25-Nov-14 20:44:15

Where did you read that?

AnyFucker Tue 25-Nov-14 20:45:30

Why don't you get divorced then ?

Genuine question.

IAmAShitHotLawyer Tue 25-Nov-14 20:46:25

How would your ex find out you were having sex with someone else? Does he sleep in the bedroom with you grin

IAmAShitHotLawyer Tue 25-Nov-14 20:47:02

Also, what website was that on?

AnyFucker Tue 25-Nov-14 20:47:17

Sorry, that was unacceptably blunt.

I'll soften it. What I meant was, why don't you get divorced instead of a separation agreement ?

Also, if this is true (I have no idea if it is, but doubt it somehow) surely the same applies to him ?

Teeb Tue 25-Nov-14 20:47:48

Don't get bogged down in semantics. You are separated and in the process of becoming divorced I assume? Then you are single and free to shag who you see fit.

IAmAShitHotLawyer Tue 25-Nov-14 20:49:27

What does semantics mean?

IAmAShitHotLawyer Tue 25-Nov-14 20:50:33

Don't worry, just googled it.

AnyFucker Tue 25-Nov-14 20:51:38

A Shit Hot Lawyer doesn't know what semantics means ? wink

MontserratCaballe Tue 25-Nov-14 20:53:19

If you are married and have sex with a person of the opposite sex then you commit adultery. However this would not make a difference to how your divorce proceeded pr what each of you got in terms of the family assets. So he cannot use this to punish you. Divorce is not fault based. HTH.

MontserratCaballe Tue 25-Nov-14 20:53:58

Clearly not that shit hot then grin

IAmAShitHotLawyer Tue 25-Nov-14 20:57:32

oi!

I'm a namechanger usedto be Not Such A Smug Married Now so not really a lawyer (as if you hadn't guessed)

AnyFucker Tue 25-Nov-14 21:07:04

heh

OP, who told you this piece of information ? Your SoonToBeEx by any chance ?

what2eatwhenurbored Tue 25-Nov-14 21:12:00

Hi I'm totally getting divorced!!!!!!

Just that it will take ages so the priority is separation agreement for financial and childcare arrangements and I was told this was almost as good as a divorce in that I can do things like remortgage or get a promotion and not worry about him getting his hands on it.

That is reassuring MontserratC!!! Thanks and thanks to everyone else for bumping up the board smile

Guess I'll ask my solicitor on Monday and stay away from crappy sites.

Scroll midway to legal glossary
www.divorceaid.co.uk/legal/process.htm

Diagonally Tue 25-Nov-14 21:29:05

I would imagine adultery would be difficult to prove if it happens after you are living separately?

Also, I think a separation agreement can be overturned at a later date.

Eg you could agree now not to split a pension but that doesn't mean your ex couldn't apply for a share at some point in the future.

I'd maybe get advice from more than one solicitor on that score, just to check it definitely is the best option.

Hesaysshewaffles Tue 25-Nov-14 21:38:03

Technically/legally what you are saying is correct it is adultery, but he'd be hard pushed to prove it. My stbxh and I split because of his adultery. My divorce will be through any week now and I haven't kept celebate shock

SolidGoldBrass Tue 25-Nov-14 21:42:42

I don't think your sexual behaviour has any effect on your divorce settlement, these days.

HumblePieMonster Tue 25-Nov-14 21:48:46

a separation agreement is just extra money for solicitors. just divorce.

Emstheword Tue 25-Nov-14 21:53:38

Actually I read something legally that backs up what the OP is saying....it was an interview with a judge who presides over divorce cases in court and he admitted that women who have already begun a new relationship are not looked upon as favourably and are usually awarded financially less.

Hesaysshewaffles Tue 25-Nov-14 21:57:15

Yes if you are in a new relationship which shows that you are looking to cohabit, you have to disclose it as part of the financial agreement.

WellWhoKnew Tue 25-Nov-14 21:59:26

Whether you adhere to that advice really depends on whether the twat you are being divorced by (or divorcing) is a total twat or just a mildly irritating STBXH as to whether you wish to heed this advice!

You have a separation agreement so, theoretically, can have a different man (or woman) every day of the week, with a rest day on Sundays, should you chose (albeit it will still be adultery). But move on too quickly, and it CAN affect your financial settlement (e.g. if you move in with someone), it can also send the other side into Righteous Indignation and then it makes it difficult to calm them down to negotiate.

I was advised to be very careful about 'moving on' before divorce because I am divorcing a twat. But in future, I shall move on and make moves should I want. Depends on what I want, though, dunnit?

Darkesteyes Tue 25-Nov-14 22:02:17

Ems its pure misogyny and what proves it is that it also used to happen to war widows who managed to find happiness again How very dare they hmm They used to lose their pensions if they remarried and this has only been changed very recently.

fuckwitteryhasform Tue 25-Nov-14 22:13:37

adultery is almost impossible to prove unless you admit it or have a child. He's got to prove the physical act of PIV took place. And believe me a judge would look far less favourably on a man trying to get divorced with a private investigator report or having brought some apparently stained knickers to his solicitor to arrange DNA testing (true story) than on a separated woman who may or may not have had sex. And bear in mind he can divorce you on the grounds of what he perceives to be unreasonable behaviour saying things like you didn't give him enough compliments.
Judges know what there are a myriad of complicated reasons why people no longer wish to be married. This is why the grounds of the divorce has no effect whatsoever on the financial settlement. If you cohabit with someone it can affect your settlement because you have an additional source of income in your household but not a shag or a casual relationship.
Lawyer here. Don't live in fear - speak to your solicitor to confirm what i say.

Cabrinha Tue 25-Nov-14 23:15:44

Adulterer here grin
Between split and Decree Absolute.
It was good to have decent sex again!!! grin

Yes, it's adultery. It's hard to prove though. But what's the worst that can happen? He divorces you (saving you the trouble of divorcing him!) for adultery. It makes NO difference to settlement, that isn't a moral judgement.

On the form with the Consent Order, you do tick a box to say if you're on verge on cohabiting or marrying. There is no box to say "having kicked the loser out of my life, I'm having great fun shagging again, thank you". grin there should be!

I've just divorced my ex for adultery (uncontested, so no proof required) and it made no difference to the settler discussion with solicitor.

Be careful with the separation agreement though - it is my understanding that ONLY a consent order totally protects you from a later financial claim.

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