I dream about us together or reconciliating most, if not every, night. I was in tears this afternoon leaving work because a song came on that made me think of us. I don't want to get back together, we weren't right together, but I can't go a day without thinking about what went wrong and how much I miss what we had. I'm perfectly functional and not a complete blubbering wreck, but it's like my brain just can't accept it. I really thought we'd be together forever. I was so in love. I thought that by now (6 months post break-up, we were together only 18 months) I'd be moving on a bit, but I cannot even contemplate another relationship. It still hurts so much.
A couple of months ago I did have a little love affair with being single and treating myself etc. I really enjoyed it. I do like being single very much, but somehow that doesn't seem to translate into my heart understanding that it's over between us.
Just because your first attempt at independence didn't totally work out, that's no need to give up. You're feeling down and hankering after the past which is normal from time to time but can't be allowed to define you. You just haven't found your groove yet... which is also normal because it takes a bit of trial and error.
Also, no matter how pragmatic you are about not wanting to leap into another relationship, there's something about the festive season with the party invitations and couple friends doing fun couple stuff to make you feel like you're missing out. I should know, I've been navigating it solo for 20 years!
Every Night could you try to make some plans with friends to celebrate the party season. Sometimes it can be better being single although I totally understand about reliving the past in your head. Last year I spent NYE with my ex watching TV being bored out of my mind. This year I'm going to a party in Birmingham dressed up as Cleopatra and staying over at a lovely hotel.
Thanks all. There is no chance of reconciliation, it wouldn't work. It will be my first Christmas single for 20 years. It feels weird but also cleansing in a way. I think I am going through a low patch at the moment. I'm back to daily crying. Surely I will move on from this phase and come out stronger. I'm trying to be kind to myself and let myself grieve and really feel my feelings. Hopefully by the new year I'll be moving on a bit more.
Been there too. Getting over a relationship is like a bereavment. You are having lots of bad days now, then you will start to have some good days and some bad days, then you will be on the the all good days part. You can't beat time for curing a broken heart.
When I went through a hard brake up I allowed myself 30 mins a day reducing it by 5 mins each day to allow myself to cry, wallow in self pity, feel like shit! Then when the time was up I made the same amount of energy and effort to feel good.
Over time I started feeling less shit and more good. I cried less. Then it dwindled out and one day I realised I hadn't cried at all.