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Still can't get over my ex.

(17 Posts)
EveryNight Tue 25-Nov-14 19:59:41

I dream about us together or reconciliating most, if not every, night.
I was in tears this afternoon leaving work because a song came on that made me think of us.
I don't want to get back together, we weren't right together, but I can't go a day without thinking about what went wrong and how much I miss what we had.
I'm perfectly functional and not a complete blubbering wreck, but it's like my brain just can't accept it. I really thought we'd be together forever. I was so in love.
I thought that by now (6 months post break-up, we were together only 18 months) I'd be moving on a bit, but I cannot even contemplate another relationship.
It still hurts so much.

TinyWishes Tue 25-Nov-14 20:42:17

Keep busy. Look forward not back. The more you hold yourself back that's another day gone back without someone that would really love and care for you!

EveryNight Tue 25-Nov-14 21:18:56

Thanks for the reply.
I don't want anyone else though. It's not as if I'm looking and I'd rather be on my own than jump into any other relationship.

TrousersSchmowsers Tue 25-Nov-14 21:21:46

How about starting a love affair with yourself? I've had a break-up recently and that's what I'm doing. All the little, thoughtful, supportive things that I do... lavished on me!

TrousersSchmowsers Tue 25-Nov-14 21:22:33

Also have a look at Natalie Lue's "Baggage Reclaim" website.

EveryNight Tue 25-Nov-14 21:30:13

A couple of months ago I did have a little love affair with being single and treating myself etc. I really enjoyed it. I do like being single very much, but somehow that doesn't seem to translate into my heart understanding that it's over between us.

TinyWishes Tue 25-Nov-14 21:31:24

I downloaded the 'hes just not that into you' and 'why men love bitches'

You have to work on the most important relationship you'll ever have. One with yourself.

Be kind to yourself. Cry when you want. Eat what you want. Wear what you want. Buy what you want. Go where you want.

All this new freedom. Embrace it. X

EveryNight Tue 25-Nov-14 21:45:19

Thanks smile

DixieTreats Wed 26-Nov-14 00:44:59

Oh gosh, poor you. I've been there and it hurts. Is there no chance of reconciliation? You never know, he might feel the same.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 26-Nov-14 05:23:45

Just because your first attempt at independence didn't totally work out, that's no need to give up. You're feeling down and hankering after the past which is normal from time to time but can't be allowed to define you. You just haven't found your groove yet... which is also normal because it takes a bit of trial and error.

Also, no matter how pragmatic you are about not wanting to leap into another relationship, there's something about the festive season with the party invitations and couple friends doing fun couple stuff to make you feel like you're missing out. I should know, I've been navigating it solo for 20 years!

DollyRocker1 Wed 26-Nov-14 08:02:34

Every Night could you try to make some plans with friends to celebrate the party season. Sometimes it can be better being single although I totally understand about reliving the past in your head. Last year I spent NYE with my ex watching TV being bored out of my mind. This year I'm going to a party in Birmingham dressed up as Cleopatra and staying over at a lovely hotel.

EveryNight Wed 26-Nov-14 19:21:16

Thanks all. There is no chance of reconciliation, it wouldn't work.
It will be my first Christmas single for 20 years. It feels weird but also cleansing in a way.
I think I am going through a low patch at the moment. I'm back to daily crying. Surely I will move on from this phase and come out stronger.
I'm trying to be kind to myself and let myself grieve and really feel my feelings. Hopefully by the new year I'll be moving on a bit more.

colliesaregreat123 Wed 26-Nov-14 19:29:48

Been there too. Getting over a relationship is like a bereavment. You are having lots of bad days now, then you will start to have some good days and some bad days, then you will be on the the all good days part. You can't beat time for curing a broken heart.

TinyWishes Wed 26-Nov-14 19:33:20

You will get there.

When I went through a hard brake up I allowed myself 30 mins a day reducing it by 5 mins each day to allow myself to cry, wallow in self pity, feel like shit! Then when the time was up I made the same amount of energy and effort to feel good.

Over time I started feeling less shit and more good. I cried less. Then it dwindled out and one day I realised I hadn't cried at all.

You'll get there OP. Just give yourself time. x

brokenhearted55a Wed 26-Nov-14 19:44:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinyWishes Wed 26-Nov-14 21:06:47

Not bitch as in a complete bitch.

The message is more about holding your own, knowing your self worth, knowing when to walk away & seeing through the lies/bullshit.

Opened my eyes that's for sure.

TinyWishes Wed 26-Nov-14 21:08:56

It's on Amazon. By Sherry Argov

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