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Dodgy Situation

(16 Posts)
Samhainsam24 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:16:20

Hello, going to ask what other people think of this:-
I have just recently split up with my Boyfriend of 15 months.
He told he hasn't been happy with our relationship for a while & has never fancied me.
he phoned me up one evening to say the he couldn't spend the weekend with me as he was meeting up with a new friend, and could he leave seeing me until later in the week, I said ok...then when I got off phone the penny dropped! So I phoned him back and asked outright was his new "friend" a women, he said yes. he then admitted to joining a dating/friendship website, where she had contacted him. I told him I didn't want any more to do with him. deleted his number out of my phone. then he texts saying he doesen't want me out of his life & still loves me!
So like a fool- after a couple of days crying, missing him, wanting him back I phone him on the Sunday morning...find out SHE stayed the night at his place. he hardly says a word, so I ring off, 5 mins later he texts to say that nothing happened and she had the bedroom while he stayed downstairs.
I text back saying as we weren't together he could have whom he pleased in his house.
The thing is I find really strange is that, he had only meet her the day before( on the Saturday) & had let her stay in his house over night! they didn't know each other that well & she could have been a dangerous what ever and the same applies about him to her!
Then he texts me this morning to say that she has to leave the place where she is living at the weekend & she has asked to stay at his place!
I was shocked so phoned him- he told me that her domestic life was complicated, she was living with an ex-boyfriend who was violent towards her at times, she had phoned him & told my BF that he threatened her the previous evening. he then offered her to stay at his, after she had asked him.
I said to him didn't she have other friends who could help her? people she has known longer than him? He has only known her for 10 days or so.
So I said it sounded dodgy & it might be a big con- she gets in his house steals his identity or trashes the place!
He is a sensible person. If she is in genuine danger of domestic violence I told him it was good & noble of him to offer her refuge, but wouldn't it better to let the Police help her find somewhere to go?
I don't want her to be in danger & if she is genuine then I'm being unreasonable I Know.
I don't want him to get conned or be used by someone taking advantage of his good nature.
I still think a lot of him, even after all this.
what do others think of this? Dodgy? or me being a cynical old bag!
Thanks

magoria Tue 25-Nov-14 18:21:23

I think he is your ex.

Stop contacting him.

Stop discussing what he is doing and with who.

He is a grown adult leave him to it.

SweetErmengarde Tue 25-Nov-14 18:23:49

It does sound dodgy, but IMHO it would be no more than your ex deserves for being a cheating hound and lining up your replacement while still trying tokeep you on the back burner.

Wash your hands of him and this sorry debacle, OP. You deserve better.

PatriciaHolm Tue 25-Nov-14 18:30:50

I suspect he's known her a lot longer than he's telling you...

Either way. No longer your problem.

Walkacrossthesand Tue 25-Nov-14 18:33:12

Yup, what they said! His problems are no longer your problems - I'm bemused as to why he texted you an update within a few days of you saying you didn't want anything to do with him hmm but it really is not your concern any more. (Unless you still have belongings in his place of course, in which case get them back sharpish!). Let alone why you should concerned about the woman concerned's approach to personal safety!!

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 25-Nov-14 18:35:01

He's an idiot who has fallen for the damsel in distress routine, but he's a grown man and I'm sure he's loving it. And of course they have shagged. Move on, leave him to live out his rescue fantasy and keep your dignity.

Walkacrossthesand Tue 25-Nov-14 18:37:32

Oh, and if he tries the 'but I'm telling you because I want you in my life as my friend' tack - sod that for a game of soldiers. You already have enough friends, thanks.

ChoochiWoo Tue 25-Nov-14 18:39:15

Stay well out and find someone who deserves you x

fairypond Tue 25-Nov-14 18:40:23

He sounds ridiculous, stop worrying about him. He's moved on, I suggest that you do the same.

Vitalstatistix Tue 25-Nov-14 18:41:39

bloody hell. walk away.

Letthemtalk Tue 25-Nov-14 18:43:39

It's absolutely none of your business.

CleanLinesSharpEdges Tue 25-Nov-14 18:47:08

He's your ex, he's moved on, he's shagging her now and he's spinning you a story to keep you on the back burner.

Stop contacting him, delete his number, block him on all social media and move on.

AvonCallingBarksdale Tue 25-Nov-14 18:53:49

Might be dodgy, might not. Who knows. Point is you are no longer together, so it's no concern of yours. He's a grown up. My cynical head would say they have been together for a while and he's not keen, for whatever reason, for you to know this. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 25-Nov-14 18:54:09

So, life for her is complicated and after only ten days your ex is prepared to wade in and embroil himself?
His choice.
Detach now. No calls no texts. You don't need the drama.

McSqueezy Tue 25-Nov-14 18:54:28

I agree, he's probably known her a lot longer than he's admitting to - there is a relationship blossoming behind your back, and in all likelihood while he was still with you. Sounds like he's stringing you along with this silly story because he wants to have his cake and to eat it too.

Fundamentally all that matters is that he told you he was never really interested in you, and he's wasted 15 months of your life. Please ignore his texts from now on, don't let him think he can play you around like a puppet. Forget him and don't look back.

alongcamespiders Tue 25-Nov-14 23:08:21

NYD sounds like a narcissist. Google it and block all contact.

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