Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

New LDR and collecting from airport

(59 Posts)
Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:01:02

OK First World problem here .... I'm in a very new long distance thing (not a relationship as yet of course as we've only met twice before for a few hours each time). He's flying in to visit me for the weekend and due to me having DC with me (they're 2 and 4 yo) I won't be able to pick him up from the airport on arrival which I would really like to do. DC will be leaving to stay with XH an hour or so later so the weekend will be spent without them around but I was wondering ........ would it be a complete turn off were I to turn up at the airport with DC to collect him as a surprise? We would obviously have the car drive back home (around 30 mins) but after that DC would be gone with their father. He's planning on taking public transport to get here so it would be a complete surprise to him.

What's the general consensus .....a completely stupid idea on my part and likely to result in a WTF moment or a nice surprise for him? Btw he's got grown children if it makes any difference.

Tobyjugg Tue 25-Nov-14 17:07:58

Speaking as a man, if you did this and I was really looking to build something with you, I'd think it was great. BUT, if I wasn't, I'd run a mile.

Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:12:19

Thanks Toby, great to have a male pov! He's definitely looking at building a relationship together, also often asks about DC and is interested in them even though he hasn't met them.

Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:14:24

May I add that they're still little enough to not really realise who he is hence me considering all this.... I have an older DS who wouldn't be meeting him for a few months of course.

ofmiceandmen Tue 25-Nov-14 17:18:36

A common sense answer here- tell him you want to pick him up.
Too many moving parts in your idea. So many things can go wrong, stuck in traffic, miss him as you attend to DC, children have a bad journey, throwing up, crying, tantrum.
And on his side - feeling overwhelmed.

Some people will come and say it's far too early - but only you can judge that. my only advice on this is not to be too gushing in front of them.

But talk to him - it will be no less of a surprise and he will appreciate the thought even if you do not pick him up . win - win

Mum4Fergus Tue 25-Nov-14 17:49:36

Call me blighted by the modern world (sadly) but Id be concerned about a relative stranger (you've met twice for a few hours) having such a keen interest in my kids...that's just me though hmm like previous poster-there are too many things that might come into the mix to make it not such a good idea...as nice as it is on your part.

Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:50:58

Thank you ofmice. Yes that would be the sensible thing to do .... but what would be the fun on that?! wink. It also eliminates the surprise factor...

Drive to the airport is pretty straight forward, I don't anticipate there would be any issues (used to collecting friends from the airport regularly too)

Flimflammer Tue 25-Nov-14 17:52:54

Much too soon to be introducing the children. That is a really serious step and should only be taken once you know the relationship is going to work out long term.

Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:53:41

Mum He doesn't have such a keen interest on them, just asked a couple of times when I refer to having a tough day looking after them etc. It certainly makes a difference to previous guys I dated who after two months together hadn't even bothered to ask about their names! hmm.

They'd be dropped off at their father's on the way back from the airport anyway so not like they'll be spending any time with us apart from the drive.

Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:55:26

Flim yes that's my main concern, that he feels kind of pressurised/ left with a feeling that I'm rushing things (even though they would only be together for the duration of the car journey).

Lots to think about.....

sillymillyb Tue 25-Nov-14 17:57:09

I don't think I would, though I can't put my finger on why I feel like that (in a lone parent to a 2yo, so do understand tho!)

Massive thing for me in your last post though is the dropping off kids at your ex dps - so your new bloke would be there for that?? Waaaaaay too soon for that!

Mum4Fergus Tue 25-Nov-14 17:58:08

Could their Dad pick them up a wee bit earlier? Let you get to airport yourself? Or wait at home for his arrival with a proper surprise wink ?!

Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:58:55

He would stay in the car sillymilly; we're not in speaking terms so it's a matter of seconds with him opening the door and DC going in. But I see your point ..... hmmm.. not so sure any morehmm

mdpis3 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:59:36

In my opinion, it's too much too soon. The kids AND being in the car when they're dropped off with their Father are just not things a new boyfriend (that you've only met for a matter of hours) needs to be part of. I'm not talking from the child's perspective, but from his. He is coming to spend time with you. To get to know you. And it's on a weekend when you don't have DC. I would keep it that way. He's a big boy, he can take the train/bus. You don't want the "surprise" morphing from "surprise it's me and I've been spontaneous and come to meet you secretly" into "surprise, meet my kids". If you stay together you'll have a hundred chances to surprise him.

Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:59:50

Fergus Sadly not an option, he's a very challenging person and as mention upthread we're in no speaking terms sadly (not my choice)

Vivacia Tue 25-Nov-14 18:00:53

Just too soon for him to be meet the children.

Sickofpeppapig00 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:02:07

Thank you mdpis, starting to see it might not be such a good idea.... I wouldn't want to jeopardise this so might just take the easiest option and stay at home waiting for him.

Shame, as I think he would have loved it but not worth the risk if it might perhaps make him run a mile.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 25-Nov-14 18:03:42

Having had a LTR and loving meeting my exDP at the airport when he came home I would say no. Don't do it.

I think it'll be really awkward and its too soon for them to meet him, even in an unofficia capacity.

So no, I wouldn't

daisychain01 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:05:10

I agree with ofmiceandmen on this one.

Nice to want to surprise him, but so early in your relationship, I would tend towards taking a cautious approach. If it were me, I would naturally be more restrained and less relaxed with DC with me, so wouldn't necessarily be "my true self", as I would be focussing on my DC. At least if you give him the 'heads-up' before hand he will take that into account as part of the deal, so to speak.

The fact is that you want to take time to go and collect him - I'm sure he will be delighted about that, a lovely idea.

RandomFriend Tue 25-Nov-14 18:05:20

The way I see it is there is no point in showing up at an airport if he isn't expecting you - the chances are, he'll race right out and miss you.

bouffanteh Tue 25-Nov-14 18:06:32

No no no! You should still be all sexy and exciting - turning up with two kids, no matter if it's gonna turn into a great relationship is really off! I'm thinking back to when i first started seeing dp and he had 2 young kids - this would have had me running for the hills!

EilisCitron Tue 25-Nov-14 18:07:18

no.

1 - he should be nowhere near your kids yet
2 - you cannot, CANNOT pull off a big romantic surprise gesture with kids in tow. this is a fundamentally terrible idea and the dynamic would be so weird and awkward
3 - if your ex is difficult and the kids tell him what they did, there will be hell to pay

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 25-Nov-14 18:09:01

I can see the huge appeal of surprising him at the airport - how romantic - but I agree with others, too soon to do so with the little ones in tow. Do you have a friend or family member who could take them and drop them with their dad?

TSSDNCOP Tue 25-Nov-14 18:10:52

I can see why you'd want to, but that Martine McCutheon from a love Actually moment isn't going to play as well featuring a double buggy and two sticky pre-schoolers grin.

Stay indoors beautifully blow-dried and wine chilled and let him get himself there.

Good luck BTW!!!

LegoAdventCalendar Tue 25-Nov-14 18:11:12

Even after a few months, it's too soon for him to be meeting your kids.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now