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A year on... Should I be over it?

(10 Posts)
Moxiechick Tue 25-Nov-14 16:41:02

It's been a year since I found out my ex and father of my child was having an emotion affair with someone. It took me a month to ask him to leave plus 3 more months to end the relationship which I had began to realise was emotionally abusive since finding out I was pregnant.
I spent about 6 months swaying from being happy and feeling free to wallowing and eating my feelings!
Then I decided enough is enough and that I should get back out there so to speak. Not looking to jump in to another relationship straight away ( I have a 16 month dd and limited time to give to a relationship) but thought that dating might make me feel better about myself.
I met a few guys of tinder and plenty of fish, went on a few dates and they all ended up unsuitable.
These last couple of weeks I've been feeling down and lonely about everything. Everything that happened with my ex still really upsets me and to top it off last week I slept with him. I know it was really stupid and regret it. It's been a year and I think I should be over everything by now but I'm not.

Moxiechick Tue 25-Nov-14 16:41:45

Emotional affair*
Sorry, probably more typos!

Jan45 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:48:36

Well going back and sleeping with him wont help you get over it. Do you want to try and reconcile with him, is he single too now?

If no to above, keep up with the OD, you're probably just bored and in need of some male attention/company.

ofmiceandmen Tue 25-Nov-14 16:50:14

Getting out there won't necessarily make you feel better. In fact it can set you back some what.

Work on yourself.. and by that I mean, learn what you really want and need within you. then start looking at what you want/need from someone else.

Right now all the weirdos on online dating are going to make your ex seem like a catch. The better the devil you know scenario.

What else are you doing in your life , because having a 6 month old child is demanding and can be isolating. Not to mention you are susceptible to depression.

Lastly stay away from him for the moment. has he really changed?

Moxiechick Tue 25-Nov-14 16:56:46

No chance of us getting back together, but you're definitely right, I miss make attention and comfort.
I agree I need to work on myself just not sure how.
My dd is 16 months and I had to give up work after the break up as unfortunately it was getting me in to debt. I try to take her out lots and meet other mums as I'm not from the area but I feel I'm always putting on an act to seem happy.

Moxiechick Tue 25-Nov-14 16:57:05

Male not make sorry.

Jan45 Tue 25-Nov-14 17:04:23

Stick with OD then, yes there are loads of weirdos out there but there are nice men too, if nothing else it's a distraction chatting online and passes time if you are bored.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 25-Nov-14 17:15:25

Why was work getting you into debt? Does this ex pay a fair amount in child support or were you left high and dry? Difficult to move on positively if you're stuck at home out of necessity than choice and if money is tight etc.

Moxiechick Tue 25-Nov-14 20:43:46

Basically my wages were too much to get much help towards my rent but only covered rent and some bills and I ended up borrowing to pay for things like food and travel. It sucks but once she's in school it should be easier.
He pays minimal and we live in London so quite difficult to manage.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 26-Nov-14 05:48:05

Have you thought about moving out of London? Doesn't have to be all that far away to make a difference. A fresh start somewhere more affordable could be a good project to restore your confidence. You could shake off a lot of the place-associated memories, make new friends, get back to work and feel like you were making progress with your life.

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