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is it my own doing or is it wrong?

(8 Posts)
halee909 Tue 25-Nov-14 12:36:10

Firstly i'd like to apologize incase im posting in the wrong place! im not very familiar with this.
Ok so where do i start. im married for 15 years but i've met someone else and have been in love with him for the past 4 years.
i asked for a divorce from oh but he went beserk. I'm british asian and divorce isnt something that is easy. I tried to involve my family who dont want to help me either. when i first asked for the divorce, my family intervened and put a stop to it. then oh spied on me and found out i was seeing OM and threatened to kill me or throw acid in my face. I wanted to leave so desperately with the kids as my marriage was unhappy anyway.
OH threated to tell my family that he knew i had been seeing OM and i know if my family found out they will kill me or disown me.
OH also threated to commit suicide if i left, but not before telling the kids i was a whore!
with all that thrown at me i decided to stay, for the kids. OH told me that i can in his words F off but i cant take the kids and if i did he would tell them i was a whore. now that i have stayed, he has taken my mobile phone off me, i cannot step out of the house without him. I cant use the internet(im on now because he is out). He takes the kids to and from school, so i dont leave the house.I am forbidden from talking to my friends. if he is out he phones every couple of hours to check up on me. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. im too scared to go to the bathroom incase he rings and i dont pick up!
i know i have bought it on myself but i feel so trapped and alone. I tried talking to my family but they say its a phase he is going through and all asain men are like that, ofcourse they dont know about OM and that he is reacting to that.
i cant leave and have absolutely nobody to talk to. when the kids go to school i just sit at home all day usually crying. if oh sees that im upset he gets angry, and expects me to be all smiles. i know its my fault but i just feel so suffocated now

dadwood Tue 25-Nov-14 12:41:49

Hi halee909 Nothing can excuse his extremely abusive behaviour to you.
It isn't your fault.

SunshineBossaNova Tue 25-Nov-14 12:41:53

Hello halee I'm sorry you're in this position. It must be terrifying.

This is domestic abuse and you need help. Whatever happened with the OM your husband has no right to keep you in the house and threaten you.

These organisations might be able to help you:


CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 25-Nov-14 12:42:41

You're in an extremely dangerous and abusive relationship. It's not 'a phase', it's not something all Asian men do, it's domestic abuse. No one has the right to threaten you. That you've met someone else is not justification for being treated in such an inhuman manner. Please contact Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 or the police DV unit on 101. Ask for refuge for yourself and your DCs urgently. You are in terrible danger

Sarahplane Tue 25-Nov-14 12:42:51

It's not your fault and you don't have to live like this. Your husband is behaving abusively, threatening you and keeping you prisoner in your own home. You need to leave with the kids and get to somewhere safe. If you speak to the police, doctors, women's aid or your childrens school they will help you to make a plan to leave.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 25-Nov-14 12:43:39

You can flee with the children to a refuge. There is help. Please call one of the agencies linked to above. You don't deserve this treatment.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 25-Nov-14 12:51:39

You sound very frightened. If you're worried that any calls you make will show up on the bill the Womens Aid site has this advice

The Helpline number will not show up on BT landline phone bills. If you have another service provider you will need to check with their customer services team.

HumblePieMonster Tue 25-Nov-14 15:59:47

I think its too late for you now to do anything other than run. Get the help you can from the agencies Sunshine linked and plan an escape with the children if you can. In your position, I would even consider calling the police on their non-emergency number and asking for help.

This isn't going to go away. You might have to get used to being called a whore, and being a social outcast. If you know its not true, that's what counts. Better that than being dead.

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