Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you take new DP to parents evening as well as both parents?

(52 Posts)
FTS123 Tue 25-Nov-14 09:21:51

Does anyone do this?? STBXH asked if his new(ish) gf could come to parents evening with us next time. I said it was fine, but I think I only said it because I was so surprised by his request! I don't think she should come, they are our children not hers. Does anyone's new DP come with them to parents evening?? I wouldn't dream of taking mine, but maybe that's just me.

weyayechickenpie Tue 25-Nov-14 09:23:14

No defiantly not

CrispyFern Tue 25-Nov-14 09:24:03

Does she want to be a teacher? confused

FTS123 Tue 25-Nov-14 09:26:18

gringrin Ok, so it's not just me then! Thanks - just had to make sure...he makes me doubt my own decisions all the time. I need to man up hmm

GamoraStarlord Tue 25-Nov-14 09:27:35

No! My ex and I both live with new partners and still would not dream of this. He can feed it back to her after. So inappropriate. Call him and tell him that on reflection it would be uncomfortable and the discussions should be between the teacher and the two of you. Or he can get his own appointment and take her.

scaevola Tue 25-Nov-14 09:27:35

Good grief!

Established stepmother, especially if DC resident with them during the week,
OK. Newish GF? No.

Fenton Tue 25-Nov-14 09:28:06

A partner of some years who also lived at the home where a 50/50 care arrangement was in place perhaps it would be useful. But a newish partner, no way IMO.

Wouldn't the school think who are you and wtf has this to do with you??

Jinglebells99 Tue 25-Nov-14 09:29:48

My dd's best friend's mother brings her boyfriend along to her dd's parents evenings but they announced they were getting married after about a month and she introduces her boyfriends children as her daughter's brother and sister. It all seems a bit soon and overfamiliar to me. Friend calls the boyfriend "dad" too. In fact the boyfriend manages to show up at even more school events than my dh manages to get to. Do your children want her at the parents evenings?

elastamum Tue 25-Nov-14 09:30:33

I would say no, parents evenings are for parents. We frequently have me, my DP exH his DP at school events (all sat together in a row!). but neither of us would dream of bringing our partner to parents evening

GoodboyBindleFeatherstone Tue 25-Nov-14 09:32:29

DP goes to DS's parents' evening - but that's because we live together as a family unit. DP helps DS with homework so I feel it's beneficial.

But if he was newish? No, definitely not.

wallypops Tue 25-Nov-14 09:32:48

I am in a similar position as the non-parent. I wouldn't expect to go unless neither of the actual parents couldn't attend and I could. (And frankly I loath going for my own kids as it is). My ex has never attended one, and I would ask my DP to go if I couldn't.

I think it depends on whether non-parent is doing homework, projects, cake baking and all that jazz. If she is planning on being fully involved in all that, then fair enough.

JohnFarleysRuskin Tue 25-Nov-14 09:32:53

No. I think it's really over-stepping (and - if its not your child, boring!) I think she must be daft if she wants to go and he is quite needy if he wants her there.
And that's what some teachers will think too.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 25-Nov-14 09:34:40

No definitely not.

Your STBXH is being a twat again.

FTS123 Tue 25-Nov-14 09:34:47

I don't mind her going to the school events - in fact because of work I'm missing the fair and the Xmas concert so doubtless she'll be going. But I thought parents evening was a step too far! She lives in "our" house and has done for nearly a year, but still...

AMumInScotland Tue 25-Nov-14 09:35:03

No. If she gets to the point where your natural word for her would be 'stepmother' then she gets to join in with parents evenings. As a girlfriend, it's not about her.

noblegiraffe Tue 25-Nov-14 09:35:16

No. As a teacher I would think this very bizarre.

JohnFarleysRuskin Tue 25-Nov-14 09:37:01

Ah, so there is a difficult back-story here too.
I originally put he must be a 'twat' and then changed it to 'needy'. - It sounds like your ex is a twat.
I'm sorry.
Still, this one isn't worth fighting about I reckon.

HelloitsmeFell Tue 25-Nov-14 09:37:06

Absolutely not. It's inappropriate, completely unnecessary and a bit cringey to be honest.

Even if a new partner went on to become a permanent fixture/step-parent, if the child has both actual parents attending there is no need and no place for a step parent there as well.

Mammanat222 Tue 25-Nov-14 09:38:49

Good Lord no!

Get on the phone and tell him that there is no way his new GF should be present at parents evening.

What an odd suggestion? I wonder how and why it came about? (her instigation?)

JohnFarleysRuskin Tue 25-Nov-14 09:39:01

Oh God, so he wants you to go together? Eek. I missed that.

In that case, as you sit down, you could say, "I'm FTS, xxx's mum, this is xxx's dad and this is xxx's dad's girlfriend" and then shrug helplessly.

Bluetonic123 Tue 25-Nov-14 09:48:22

I wouldn't dream of going to my dps children's parents evening. Aside from anything it sounds really dull

Rantymop Tue 25-Nov-14 09:53:43

No way!

However, my dh is ds stepdad and he comes to parents evening, but only if ds dad can't make it (he lives far away).

But, ds lives with us, he's with dh all the time, dh helps him with school work etc, so that's not odd. I would be fine with it if ds lived with exh and he took his dw along if I couldn't make it, but I'd be a bit hmm if it was a new girlfriend who didn't live with ds.

Rantymop Tue 25-Nov-14 09:55:27

Oh and if exh comes to ds parents evening, dh stays at home, I'd feel fucking odd sat there with both of them, it would feel a bit Jeremy Kyle tbh grin

makeitabetterplace Tue 25-Nov-14 09:55:52

Speaking as a teacher, this is not normal. Sometimes partners of parents come along but this is usually because the other parent (usually the dad) just isn't part of the child's life anymore. I've never, in fifteen years, had three 'parents' show up to parents evening. I can imagine it mig be useful if a child had very specific special needs and spent time living with both sets of parents and the new partner needed professional advice about how to best support that child. Otherwise it is just weird.

However, you've said yes now and if you turn round and say no it might cause problems between you all. If you're able to do this then I would as a goodwill gesture. I guess it shows good willing on her part to be fully involved where she can?

Hakluyt Tue 25-Nov-14 10:03:01

One of ds's friends has a complicated family where the split up is so amicable that nobody can really understand why I happened- he effectively now has 4 parents and 6 younger siblings, and divides his time equally between their houses. It's always interesting to see what combination of parents turns up at parents evening- I have seen anything from 1 to all four! But it is very unusual- and the 4 parent evening was definitely a bit odd.........

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now