Hello,
If you're taking the time to read this, thank you.
I want to keep it quite brief as I could probably type all this out for hours :)
We're both 30, we were together for 5 years. He had a brain aneurysm 6 months into our relationship and suffered from bad depression after this, and his personality seemed more volatile, dramatic and mean at times.
To say our relationship was a struggle for me is putting it mildly. Constant mood changes, negativity, selfishness etc. But I always had the hope that our day would come.
Then I lost my job and had to move home (2 hour train ride away) and things settled a bit, because of the distance I imagine. He avoided committing to me though, didn't seem desperate to have me back in London or to move in with me etc.
You know how someone verbally attacks you, and everything they're saying is a description of themselves? That happened a lot. It was like there was a switch in his head that went off every few weeks without fail. Then would try and carry on like nothing had happened.
I wanted out this past September because he was being so mean and rubbish and tried to communicate this to him, he got angry etc. A week later he was adamant that we shouldn't give up on our relationship and will I come down to London as he has planned something for our 5 year anniversary.
Me being a big softie, I agreed. It was a great weekend.
Two weeks later he called me to say he was not happy, and his feelings aren't as strong for me anymore - he basically said everything I had said the weeks previously. I was upset, but I agreed this can't go on.
He said the ideal for him would be, when I get back from travelling (Jan - March) that we settle down properly if we still love each other.
I didn't grasp onto this. He still wanted me to visit for my birthday the following week and to take me out etc. I went down to London but with my friends and had a fun few days. He came to the night do and was all attentive etc like he was still my boyfriend. Then at the end of the night (after he'd had a few) he burst into tears, cried like a baby.
The day of my birthday he took me shopping and spent £700 on me. Then took me out for dinner - then it all went south and that horrible side to him creeped out and he told me I was always negative and cynical - this was at my birthday dinner.
The night was ruined. Great memory.
The next morning he apologised and said he loves me, do I love him too? I said yes. He said lets hold each other as this may be the last we see each other.
What? Last week it was a different story.
I left London that day, I was very upset for the next week just because he had tarnished the memory of my birthday so horribly and the messages he was giving me were so mixed.
He keeps contacting me about every other day, just mundane topics that are to do with his life, not mine.
Sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't.
Then he texted me this "I'm unhappy that we couldn't be together. Because I do love you, you were a great girlfriend, but we just shouldn't be together."
I agreed with him, stayed unemotional.
The thing that has messed my head up, is the mixed messages and odd behaviour - I can guarantee if I still lived in London he would have turned up at my door at some point or asked to see me. But being up here its easier to not have me on his mind I guess.
Just trying to move on, but interested to know other people's opinions, or if you have experienced something similar.
Any feedback would be hugely appreciated - trying to sort my head out :)
Thank you xx
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Boyfriend broke up with me - but giving mixed messages
hiphoplollipop30 · 24/11/2014 21:18
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