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Ex DP won't accept its over

(3 Posts)
MistletoeBUTNOwine Mon 24-Nov-14 06:56:00

I asked dP to leave a few weeks ago after a history of alcohol issues (his) and being abusive to me when drunk.
Local DV services involved and very supportive, as is my mum. We have one dc together who is 10 months old
ExDp won't accept its over. Lots of texts varying from ".I'm breaking my heart crying Mistletoe" and I miss you all, sorry etc. promises he's doing all he can to change.
I did think maybe if he did change his behaviour we could have got back together but now I've been without him I can see life's much nicer in some ways without him around.
Trouble is, when he comes to see DS, he talks me round and manipulates me into thinking all is okay shock
Then when he's gone again I see what an. Idiot I'm being!

Help me stay strong and what can I say to him?

JontyDoggle37 Mon 24-Nov-14 07:00:49

If your mum is very supportive, could she be there when he comes round? As some moral support and another person who won't get sucked in?
Also, don't meet in your own home - say he can see your child in a neutral setting out of the house - if you're all 'at home' together it's another thing that psychologically feels comforting, so being in outside surroundings might help your brain to remember why this situation is happening. Finally, write down all the reasons why you don't want him back, and take a good look at them before you meet each time. Against each bad point, understand what he's likely to say to you to negate that, eg. If your bad point is 'he drinks too much', he will likely say 'I'm never going to drink again', and you have to be ready to think 'well, you've said that five times before and it's never happened yet, so I'm not listening any more'.

Hope that helps OP.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Nov-14 07:23:32

Agree that you have to find a way to drop contact for all but essentials and arrange for him to see your baby off-site. Don't engage in conversation, don't respond to texts and, if he tries to be persuasive or persistent give him the warning that, if it continues, you will involve the DV team again. Harsh as that because any slight hint that you are caving and he'll keep on at you.

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