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Being very childish, "does he like me..?" Your opinions please!(53 Posts)
Hello you lot, NC for this but am a regular. Won't bore you with pom bears etc. I have found myself in a bit of a muddle and can't quite work out where it's going, so I was hoping to give you lot the facts and you can tell me which direction it's headed because I just can't tell!
Basically, I went on a night out and ended up getting with (heavy kissing, grinding, and other stuff culminating in oral sex for him) a man who lives in my building. It, and he, was incredible, sad to say it was better than any full on PIV sex I've ever had. At the time he was an acquaintance I found I had loads of things in common with. We talked a lot and I slept over, although I left before he woke up in the morning (as we had discussed earlier, he knew this would probably happen). From what we spoke about we are extremely sexually compatible, which for what we are into is really quite unusual, and we have a lot of the same hobbies and interests, enough that it's really quite remarkable!
In the week that followed, we have been texting, (I don't bump into him that often) a combination of flirty texts and texts about our mutual interests and the usual "how are you, do you have plans for the weekend" etc. type of things. Yesterday, I went over to his very late to watch a movie and keep him company, after the movie I ended up giving him oral sex again (he's very eager to reciprocate by the way, but it's shark week). I left shortly afterwards as I have some issues in the nether regions at the moment, although I did not tell him that, and I didn't want to disturbing anything down south.
So my question is this- does this sound like something that will turn (slowly) into a relationship, or will it stay as a casual sex thing? I ask you the MN jury because I find it so difficult to be objective about this, the
almost sex is incredible and rare to find someone so compatible, and we both think highly of the other person (as far as I can tell). Help me before I get emotionally invested in this in case it isn't going anywhere! And no, you don't need to tell me how childish I'm being...
I say it will probably stay casual; he gets oral off you every time he sees you by the sound of it.
Unless your next meet up actually involves going out before you give him oral, then it's just a casual sex thing.
He's found a bird in his building who'll give him blow jobs, what's not to like.
Might be hard to turn this around actually, you've started off with shagging type stuff with very little effort on his part to get you there- arriving late,leaving early, he's got it made.
How could we know?
I would advise you not to get emotionally invested until you see it's being reciprocated but hey, enjoy yourself...
Giving him a blow job was that incredible? How so?
No don't answer that.
If you are asking if shaggy type things can develop into relationship type things then is say yes, depends...
oof are you quite sure he's not telling you what you want to hear in order to get his own way with you?
oral sex, arriving late & leaving early - where is the effort on his part?
You say you both rate each other highly (as far as you can tell) but remember actions speak louder than words. Hope it works out the way you want it to!
Even calling it "casual sex" is overselling it at this point.
Only one way to find out if he wants anything more. Do nothing. The next move should be him asking you out. He will, if he's interested in you for more than just your oral skills.
Thanks for the replies, a little harsh but really what was I expecting! As for what was so incredible about the first time, it was more the other stuff, he did a lot more to/for me than I did to him that evening, but there aren't convenient names for what he did to me so I wouldn't be able to explain without getting quite graphic, so I spared you the details. The reason I called it a casual sex thing is because we both know it's ongoing, whatever it is will continue and eventually lead to sex. I do realise that it isn't quite at that stage yet Wrapdress!
In terms of the things we have in common, we realised about all our mutual interests before any of this was on the table at all, at that point I'd only just met him. A lot of the things he said and brought up before any of it started, things like being a feminist etc., he would have had no idea that that was important to me at all because it's not something that had ever come up. He just couldn't have known that these things were important to me at all, there's no way he could have used it to get into my pants.
I think lookslike and CleanLines are right, I will wait and see what he does next and see what sort of approach he has, whether he suggests some sort of date.It's difficult to explain, in the OP I was trying to be objective and just state what happened without reading anything into it, but your responses have thrown me a little because obviously you don't know him to think of him as anything more than a receiver of blowjobs. You don't know he has x number of really lovely qualities as well!
And just to address the disapproving tone of some of the posts- I like sex, and I really like it with him, and I am glad that it happened the way it did. I don't mind whichever way this goes, and I don't feel I made a mistake by giving him oral sex really soon. I am not some stupid woman being used, this is something I want as much as he does, whether it is casual or not!
If that's genuinely the case, and you love the sex too, there's no issue here. It may turn into something else but I would be very surprised, as to be honest, if he was thinking date/girlfriend material even after the first night, he would have then asked you out for coffee/cinema/evening whereas actually he waited til really late and then asked you round for sex. Nothing wrong with you liking sex and him being amazing at it, just don't go seeking more as in my experience, having things in common isn't what a guy would base a relationship potential mate on (weird, I know, girls do all the time).
If you are genuinely not bothered either way, I would carry on and enjoy the fun, if you are starting to get attached and think about him as mate material, I would probably stop (reluctantly) or just put your cards on the table and say you like the causal thing but don't want to continue like that for ages, what does he think?
Well I for one have my fingers crossed for you OP
I hope he asks you out
And- as for lovely qualities, I'm sure he has heaps, but the plain fact is that a late night movie is a booty call and you need to be sure you are happy to be his, as he is yours.
I'm not disapproving. Do what you want . I know I do
which isn't very often as I don't get out much
I don't think you're going to get a date out of it, though I would love to be proven wrong.
I've a theory about this. With the right person it won't matter if you shagged them in the first five minutes, that kind of connection means that no rules apply. With a "he's hot so I will shag him and I really like him and want more, but I am not sure he feels the same way" I find they tend to meander down an angst ridden route that probably won't lead to anything long term. In short, when it's right, it's right.
I would say he's not the dating type, if you're that compatible with mutual interests and attraction and he didn't bother to ask you out on a date first, despite living in the same building. I would say not good relationship material, and quite likely good at telling you what you want to hear. Any man can say he is a feminist and its probably quite a common technique of PU artists. But you don't actually know him that well. He also sounds rather elusive, which is probably making you keener. But honestly he doesn't sound a very nice man, if you define niceness as being good relationship material, and I would tend to protect yourself from disappointment by seeing him purely in sexual gratification terms.
I'm a bit confused as in the opportunity you want to avoid being emotionally invested if he isn't but later you say you don't care if it's just casual?
Why on earth on you waiting around to see what he wants, if he asks you out?
FFS! (sorry to be harsh)
Decide what YOU want, and offer that, and that alone.
Probably just sex, but take your chances and do as Cab says. If you have lots in common I find it odd that when you've been together he hasn't muttered a word about doing something else together (I.e a date), even if he meant having sex between and in 3 weeks time both being available for something less sex-orientated. But then maybe he's thinking the same about you! Esp. if you've left early.
Sounds like a relatively convenient (being that he lives near you) arrangement if you're happy with it, though. Perhaps limit texts and contact if it turns out that's all you'll have to do with one another. The lines were get blurry quickly, otherwise. I suppose the texts do indicate some interest, I wouldn't text someone I'd only slept with once very much in a week, if I'm honest...even if I was keen.
Hearing the phrase, "If he was going to consider you as girlfriend/wife material", makes me want to throw up. Women do not 'audition' for these roles and those that do sell themselves very short. Is that how some see it? As some kind of 'beauty parade', with your knickers firmly gaffa-taped to your body until you're 'passed' your audition, 'made the grade'?
This particular board should tell you that there are no guarantees in a relationship and that even those women who so earnestly 'did things PROPERLY' get dumped, left high and dry with the lion's share of childcare and other myriad, unwelcome and unforeseen curve balls.
The OP's right, there are some smug and highly judgemental people on here. I agree with NikiFury's philosophy entirely.
Oh... and when, exactly, do men get auditioned then?
I can't speak for anyone else but I'm not coming from a place of disapproval, I couldn't care less who you have sex with or when OP. But you just seem very naive.
If you like this guy as much so you say, if you might like a relationship with him then you need to get to know him, in which case you need to communicate with his face not his dick.
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