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So lonely, issues at work , hardly any family/friends...

(33 Posts)
movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 20:38:37

Thats just it really - this appaling lonliness that is almost consuming me. Other than my son, my "company" is often facebook and dating sites.
I've started a new job and most days am sitting alone in my office, someone else shares the office some days and we get on well - but i've been warned we've been chatting too much, despite a few weeks ago being told we should develop a friendship and we were both hired as they thought we'd get on well. I looked forward to th days that lady was in as we could chat a bit - and worked hard too.
However the job is causing me other issues too as i've so little confidence and feel my brain is scramble with all the new info and am findsing it hard to follow instructions, remember things.
In the past 2 years, i've got divorced, moved home, my mum passed away and my few close friends have moved miles away. I honestly feel right on the edge and whilst i need a job to earn some money and get out of the house, I'm feeling that doing a fairly "brain taxing" job is really not for me atm. I'm thinking of leaving doing something easier eg cleaning, shop work or something while i get myself together but also don;t wan tot regret giving up this job.
I've also tried joing social groups but so difficult as my ds is with me so much and have no one to babysit. All the school mums are in cliques and there is noone close by i can reply on in a crisis.
I really just needed to get this down and hope for some friendly replies smile

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 20:52:38

anyone there?

kelell17 Sun 23-Nov-14 20:53:42

hey smile just read ur thread and I really feel for u.... I'm ( sort of ) in the same position I sit here night after night when my kids are in bed with no one to talk to apart from on here...I actually look forward to going to work to have some company lol, I dont really have much advice as tjat would be hypocritical as I'm in the same boat but just wanted to say hi and that ur not alone and theres always someone on here to talk to if ur feeling lonely or down...I dont know what id do without this site! feel free to pm anytime if u need someone to chat to smile x

zippyandbungle Sun 23-Nov-14 20:58:47

So sorry you feel like this. Loneliness is a horrible isolating emotion.
I do think it sounds like early days with your job, especially if you enjoy the other women's company. The work will get easier and you could have a friend in the making. Could you give yourself say six months and if no better look elsewhere?

emmaliz Sun 23-Nov-14 20:59:41

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. its good that you get on well with the person you work with. could you try to meet up outside of work? do you have enough spare income to get a babysitter so you can join a club or do an evening course (something fun?) once a week? Also it sounds like you have had a tough time recently which may make your perspective different. sorry my advice is a bit crap but didn't want to leave your post unanswered

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 21:08:01

Thanks for all your replies. I could proably afford a babysitter but dont like to leave ds with someone i don't know really. Yes maybe the things i've gone through haveaffected my perspective i just feel so alone and miss being a "family" rather than just me and ds all the time.
Thanks Kelell smile

Blahdeblah111 Sun 23-Nov-14 21:09:18

I feel a bit the same! my only company is the people I can text so I sit glued to my phone!sad

zippyandbungle Sun 23-Nov-14 21:10:48

You know things change all the time. Right now isn't how it's always going to be.

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 21:14:13

Thanks zippy. Blah - yes that's me - but the number of people to text is dwindling. Even tonight a close friend said she'd call me but hasn't yet. I don;t call her in case i wake her baby. I've been looking forward to her call all weekend..

tribpot Sun 23-Nov-14 21:18:20

I think if you're already lonely, online dating could be one of the worst things you could do, paradoxically enough. I think you might be better off working on building your social circle - something less pressured and with a better 'return on investment' so to speak.

Being alone in an office sounds pretty grim. Is there a desk anywhere else you could use, which would make it a bit more sociable? In terms of struggling to keep up, be kind to yourself but also take loads of notes to make sure you're not forgetting stuff. What kind of feedback are you getting from your line manager?

You'll get to know people through school as your ds is invited to things. Could you offer to have a school friend round for tea? Does the PTA need volunteers for stuff in the run-up to Christmas?

What about a Mumsnet get-together? Have you posted in your MN local to see if anyone fancies meeting up for a coffee? If you're new to the area you could at least use it to get some local tips and advice.

kelell17 Sun 23-Nov-14 21:18:43

movingonishard u sound so like me!! ive pretty much run out of people to text now as they are all busy with thier boyfriends etc and I feel like a burden saying im struggling I feel so lonely pls talk to me...I was meant to see a friend today and have looked forward to it all last week but she cancelled obv thinking it was no big issue and said we will catch up soon...it hit me like a ton of bricks!
what are do u live in just out of interest? x

Pancakeflipper Sun 23-Nov-14 21:19:14

How old is your son?
Is he at an age when you can do stuff together? E.g something like orienteering club /walking club which you can do as a family unit so no babysitting costs and be mixing with other adults and children?
I think if you have another focus out of work then the work thing will won't be as prevalent in your mind.

I do feel for you as loneliness is so hard.

Botanicbaby Sun 23-Nov-14 21:20:36

gosh you have been through so much in the last few years that it is no wonder you feel like your brain is scrambled. my advice would be to not be so hard on yourself.

you were picked to do that job for a reason and any new job is daunting at the best of times. it is good that you get on with this colleague, I wouldn't give up your job just yet. give it time. new jobs do tend to get easier after 6 months I find..in regard to finding it hard to remember things and follow instructions (don't always blame yourself...some people don't give good instructions anyway). Take time to write things down or get people to email you about the task so you can go back to refer to it again, set alarms or reminders up. Never be afraid to ask again if you misunderstood the first time or need more clarification.

could you arrange to meet your work colleague outside of work for coffee or a glass of wine or something? loneliness is a horrible thing but you will get through it. things may happen gradually but they can (and do) get better I find. Hope they change for you sooner, try to get your confidence back. Well done on getting the job btw.

Achooblessyou Sun 23-Nov-14 21:21:20

You've been through an awful lot in the last couple of years. At the moment it sounds like you need to take care of yourself and take one day at a time - it sounds natural that you are finding it difficult many lps do. Are there others at work in your situation that you can make arrangements with? Sometimes as an lp its easier to do things with kids smile

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 21:23:32

Nowhere else i can sit unfort. I do write stuff down but there are so many aspects of the job, and my boss doesn't always expalin things that celarly - or it's probabably just me. Feedback is that she's happy wiht my work but to keep the level of chatting down...
Not new to the area at all, but all the mums are in cliques - sadly my "mum" friends have moved. As my son is 9 there's not so much involvment with his friends mums. Not time for doing pta, etc as i'm at work and can do evenign meetings...
Kel - i'm in surrey - you?

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 21:26:48

Thanks botanic smile

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 21:28:02

Nobody at work in my situation - very small office - only about 6 of us. They're all older, married and don't socialise

kelell17 Sun 23-Nov-14 21:33:36

I live in the midlands so a long way from u sad like I said before here if u ever want to chat tho x

Achooblessyou Sun 23-Nov-14 21:35:18

"older, married and don't socialise" - chances are they're lonely at times too grin

I've found cubs/scouts quite good for making new friends - they're often looking for helpers and you can always take your son along.

I know it's not easy though after work and everything else you have to do as an lp it's hard to take on extra.

BobbyDazzler1 Sun 23-Nov-14 21:37:54

Think carefully about giving a good job up. A new place of work is always overwhelming and taxing on the brain at first. It might seem a more pleasant option to leave for an easier job but I really believe you'll regret that in the long term x

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 21:39:01

tbh most eves when ds is with me, by the time i've sorted dinner, house chores, home doen,etc, I'm just ready of collapse. It's the weekends that ds isn't with me that are getting harder and harder to fill.

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 21:42:46

Thanks Bobby, but i honestly only wanted an easy job - this one has proved more challenging than expected. Hence thinking of cleaning or similar for a while

Donteatthekidssweets Sun 23-Nov-14 21:57:16

I think you should give the job a bit more time, I've started a new job a few weeks ago and it's very overwhelming and makes you start to doubt your own ability. However a few weeks in a everything feels so much easier, less of 'a scramble' and I'm less tired now that its not such an effort with new things every day. Also it felt a bit unfriendly at first but now I think it be ok. I'm not in my own office however, perhaps grab a chance to chat when u go out to make coffee etc?

movingonishard Sun 23-Nov-14 22:02:39

Thanks. I've been there just over 3 months now and re chatting when making a coffee - the chance woul be great, howeveer there's never anyone in the kitchen to chat too!!!! I'm thinking this environment is the worst for me as one of the things i'd hoped for from being back in an office, was some adult comany and new friendships!

twentyten Sun 23-Nov-14 22:07:02

Have you looked at spice for social activities when you are on your own? Lots going on there. It is tough.

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