NC'd. We love each other a lot. He is absolutely great, thoughtful, kind, hardworking, very bright, very insightful. I love him, he loves me. We've been together for 9 years, discussed lots of stuff in the past few years, got married nearly a year ago. We have plans for the future, including kids. We talk every day.
It's fairly obvious that the elephant in the room is that neither of us actually enjoys sex with the other, at all, and never really has. And we each feel very guilty about that, and can't really discuss it functionally.
Before DH, I had 2 boyfriends who were emotionally unavailable immature arses. But my god I found them attractive, and the sex was very good, even if emotionally it was all awful. From the first time with DH, it hasn't been any good.
With DH, I thought that he was so lovely that we could work on things and it'd all get better. I don't know if that's what he thought about me. He also had 2 previous relationships that may possibly have been more based on sex than emotional connection.
We made an effort for the first few months. We quickly got into a pattern of sex at most every few weeks. I went on antidepressants, libido disappeared entirely for a few years. Sex never really recovered. Recently I've been away, posted overseas for 18 months and we've only been together for a few weeks, three times in the time I've been away. We managed to consummate our marriage successfully, but that's it for the last 2 years.
I'm off back home to DH at the end of this week.
Any suggestions on how to fix this?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
lovely, lovely DH. Just not attracted physically. Argh.
lackofplaisirdamour · 23/11/2014 19:32
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