I've name changed for this.
Almost 20 years ago when I was 15 I was in a relationship with a 27 year old man, it lasted just over a month and was sexual in nature from the start.
I was 'asked out' by a boy who I went to school with, really liked this boy and I wanted a 'proper' relationship that I could be public with so I went to see the 27 year old to end things.
To say he didn't take this well is an understatement, he locked me in his house and subjected me to a series of sexual assaults that lasted about 2 hours, during which he repeatedly threatened to kill me and went so far as to cut me with a kitchen knife. I honestly thought he was going to kill me.
I never went to the police due to the fact that I thought my parents would go mad with me for being in a relationship with this man. I dealt with it by drinking which resulted in me putting myself in dangerous situations. As a consequence I was raped by a stranger 2 weeks after the first. I didn't go to the police about the second rape as I thought that the first rape would be exposed and I was still worried about getting into trouble. For about 2 years after that I would seek comfort in sex with strangers, about 2 or 3 different men every week.
As I say, this was nearly 20 years ago, I have been married for 15 years and have 3 children. I worked really hard to put the assaults behind me, and I thought I had succeeded.
However, the other day I was talking about it to my DH and describing what had happened in more detail than I had done before. He has known about the assaults since before we were married.
After I had finished talking to DH about it I wanted to get sexual with him, this totally freaked him out after what we'd been talking about. I can now see why this would be but I honestly never linked the assaults with what I wanted to do with DH.
Now I wonder if I ever got over the assaults or whether they have resulted in my views in sex being damaged. With me only being 15 when the assaults happened I don't know what my normal sexual preferences would have been.
I suppose what I'm asking is am I normal?
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Relationships
Confused about recovery of sexual assault. (Triggers warning obviously)
7 replies
ThoughtIdbeatenit · 23/11/2014 15:53
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