Just that really.
Have started other divorce threads but then sometimes don't go back to them because the whole thing is hard to accept (or I keep on meaning to go back to write on them but find that days pass).
Don't know if I should tell h I am thinking of calling it a day, or get my so called ducks in a row first, or even say how difficult I find this and see if he can change it. Not that we have much of a relationship to salvage but we do have 3 dc and the whole thing is terrifying.
I have told him many things by text and email (I find him very difficult to talk to) and we have also been to counselling together (for about 5 sessions before he stopped going) but his rudeness persists. I can only deduce that a. He doesn't like me and b. He has a short fuse and this is unlikely to change.
Somebody I know told me that my emails are confrontational and if what I want is a closer relationship I should approach him in a different way. So then I feel guilty that in fact I really just want to end the marriage and am looking for an excuse 
.
Am 45 and have spent yet another weekend withdrawn from h as I am offended by the way he has spoken to me on various occasions. Don't want to waste my life in this way but the thought of permanently altering my dcs' lives (they are 8, 10 and 13) is awful. Also of wrecking my h's life which is a bit as he is hardly sorry about the way he often speaks to me like shit 
.
(Sorry for swearing but expresses how I feel quite well!!).
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Relationships
Husband's bad temper enough of a reason to call it day?
textingdisaster · 23/11/2014 15:34
texting I'm really not having a go but did he show signs of being a bastard before you were married? If so why did you marry him, have children and then put them kids on the front line of his 'bad temper'.
Hindsight is always 20/20 PP. ... 
No point berating the OP for things that have already happened. It's the future that can be changed, not the past
"Somebody I know told me that my emails are confrontational and if what I want is a closer relationship I should approach him in a different way." Why is it up to you to forge a closer relationship? What is he doing to forge this closer relationship? We are taught from all around to tiptoe around men, appease them when it's their behaviour at fault.
Please don't take this somebody's advice. There is a reason you can't talk to your husband. And that reason isn't you.
Look at your options - you can continue like this indefinitely, your children will learn how to interact with their partners through you and your H's dynamic.
Or
You can draw a line in the sand and make steps to split. Yes by all means get your ducks in a row before hand. But seriously think about whether you want to continue like this for the rest of your life?
He is not going change. So all that is left is either you continue to be abused or you extricate yourself.
When he is horrible about something, is rude, or throws his weight about, do you object? Do you stop him, and point out what he is doing? Or is his behaviour too intimidating? To have come to the stage where you are spending most of the time being withdrawn is no way to live your life and no way to show your children what is acceptable.
It sounds as though you don't want to be with him anymore, but are too scared to take the steps you need to take to stop this now. But, you are going to have to be brave in either case. Either brave enough to call a halt and end it. Or brave enough to tell him you won't put up with this anymore. It will perhaps be a combination of the two. But bravery is needed, because it sounds like you can't leave things to carry on as they are.
On the fear thing, isn't the thought of living the rest of your life being treated like this more frightening than the thought of a shitty few months divorcing him?
I wish you the courage and strength to do what needs to be done 
And yes, Husband's bad temper enough of a reason to call it day?, yes of course that is reason enough! There is absolutely no reason why anyone should be in a relationship they don't want to be in. And that includes you.
his rudeness persists. I can only deduce that a. He doesn't like me and b. He has a short fuse and this is unlikely to change. What hell to be married to someone and feeling like they don't even like you
You could have been me. We weren't married but we stayed together 7 years. It was only tolerable because he was away so much with work and I developed an extensive range of ludicrous coping strategies. He was nice in the beginning although we had a row after being together a few weeks and that should have been the deal breaker but I clung on like an idiot. He turned into a really nasty aggressive threatening wanker and I didn't leave because I was afraid of him. This is the small piece of advice I give you from my experience of him was that I called the police to tell them what I was going through and that I was booting him out and he would get nasty definitely. They gave me an incident number to quote in the event that he kicked off and I told him I had called them and had an incident number. He wasn't happy but it made the day he moved out go sweet as a nut. I think it was that that made him realise I was serious and just the detail it needed.
I can guarantee you are suffering in ways you are not aware of. Once you are free of his lordship you will look back and realise just how bad it really was. 
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