Will this ever change?

[wonderwoman21]

I am a long term sufferer of anxiety, IBS and now I have adrenal fatigue syndrome. I wake up feeling like an old woman; tired, achy, run down. This leads to further anxiety, so a vicious circle ensures.
I also feeling somewhat depressed. My partner snores so I never get a good night’s sleep anyway. We have tried absolutely every snoring cure on the market, but nothing works. His snoring is so loud, nothing can block it out but being in a different room. He doesn’t like that. I don’t like that.
Plus, he gets up for work at 5.30am during the week. Being a light sleeper, I get up with him. During the week, he doesn’t seem to snore as much, though I can still be disturbed. I end up feeling resentful of him because of having to get up so early when his job is so easy, when he is at work, as a computer analyst, he is able to quite simply not work! He researches on the internet, often sending me links to things. He hardly works hard. He can go on youtube, send emails, you name it. And all for getting up at bloody half five in the morning!
I can’t stay in the bed because he needs the room to get ready and can’t seem to change his routine. He has been doing it for years. He is used to this. Often we go to bed between half ten and eleven during the week.
At the weekend, he will sleep in while I still wake at a normal, often early hour. He drinks at the weekend, making the snoring worse.
And so much of the time is missed at the weekend from him sleeping in.
I am tired of being tired and trying to find a solution to all of this. I would have to go to bed at nine am to get eight hours sleep and feel almost resentful that I would need to do that! And then there is no guarantee of a good night’s sleep.
I have been with him for over a year and have seen my health decline in that time.
I have researched and worked out a good healthy regime for myself to get myself feeling better, including more nutritious food, water, meditation, vitamins and exercise, positive thinking that I want to really implement and am determined to but I have no energy to go to the gym where I am a member. I haven’t been able to go for three weeks.
I am 44 going on 64!
Any suggestions please would be really appreciated :-)

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Sleep deprivation is terrible enough to be used as an instrument of torture. Seems to me you need to spend at least half the week in separate bedrooms... maybe getting back together at weekends when you can potentially have some daytime naps.

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

I guess you have to decide whether or not your overall health is worth sleeping in another room. As much as you don't like it, I think you need to consider it. Maybe even if you did that just during the week?

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Have you got another bedroom in the house? Or have you got another house to live in? This might work better if you both lived in separate houses.

[ZorbaTheHoarder]

Hi Wonderwoman,
If you already have health problems, then this constant lack of sleep is going to exacerbate them and make you feel even worse!

Your partner doesn't seem to be bothered about the effect his snoring is having on your health, which is not good, and "I can’t stay in the bed because he needs the room to get ready" really sounds as though he is being very selfish.

Has he been to the doctor about his snoring? He doesn't seem to be making any effort to change his routine to make life easier for you. Are you living at his place/yours/a joint home?

For the sake of your health, both mental and physical, would you consider living separately? Have you talked to him about how terrible his actions are making you feel? You are only a year into this relationship - if he cannot/will not change his behaviour, do you really want it to carry on indefinitely?

Good luck.

[seagull70]

Sorry, no idea about the snoring but your symptoms sound like mine and I have just found out I'm pre menopausal (I'm 43). Just about to start HRT.

Go see your GP for full check up and ask them to do a hormonal profile.

Anxiety is a very common manifestation of the menopause.

Good luck xx

[ZorbaTheHoarder]

X-posts with everyone else!

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Just for comparison - my OH got a new job last year and needs to now get up at 6:15 on a Monday and 6:30 every other day. He slips out, and gets dressed quietly in the bathroom each morning and only talks if I am awake. Otherwise he just slips out.

[KouignAmann]

You say your DP is used to his routine and it has been going on for years. So no it is unlikely that he will change because it suits him as it is.
You on the contrary do not thrive with this timetable thrust upon you and it sounds as though you resent his easy job, his early start and his weekend lie ins.
The solution lies with you. Have a proper talk with him to see if he is prepared to compromise but if not then you will have to decide to adapt your own routine or leave him.
I do sympathise. I am an excellent sleeper but my DP sleeps 1-9am while I have to get up at 7am so I am chronically short of sleep since living with him. I have a night to myself once a week to catch up.

[wonderwoman21]

Thanks girls, your comments have been extremely helpful :-) I will work on this and find a solution...I hope ;-)

[Hatespiders]

Separate bedrooms isn't the end of the world. We have had them for donkeys' years and it works beautifully. The benefits of getting a peaceful night's sleep far outweigh having to have your own room. Your health would almost certainly improve if you had the full quota of sleep. Why not try it for a week or so and see how you both get on?