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saw friend's husband loved up with another woman

(13 Posts)
springydaffs Sun 23-Nov-14 00:15:35

Following on from a thread currently in relationships -

I have loosely become friends with a woman in my road, we've had coffee together two or three times. She is disabled, has had MS for a long time and is now quite incapacitated. Her husband is fit and healthy, does quite a bit of sport. About a year ago I saw him with a woman, they were holding hands and clearly in a relationship.

The curious thing about it was that he clearly wanted me to see him - with a woman. He's always given me the eye a bit, seemed to want to impress me. I saw him at a local beauty spot, I was with a friend, deep in conversation, and I doubt I would have seen or even noticed him if he hadn't made himself completely obvious, getting into my line of vision, turning his head so I could clearly see it was him. It almost looked like he was showing off.

I've since given him the cold shoulder, moreorless, when I see him; not obviously blanking him, just making no effort save a perfunctory nod/pithy 'greeting' in response to his usual bounding greeting (alone, not with his wife) when I see him in the road. I don't appreciate being put in a compromising situation.

Subsequently, the wife is now very cool with me. I resolved to back off, don't want the hassle. But now I'm not so sure - should I tell her?
I've even been wondering if he has an identical twin. Mental.

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 23-Nov-14 00:18:43

Do you think his DW is aware springy? Seems odd that he wanted you to see him and now she's gone cold on you.

Maybe it's an open arrangement they have and she's 'cold' because she thinks you may be judging them. It all sounds strange hmm

springydaffs Sun 23-Nov-14 00:25:31

That's what I wondered, cotton. It may be an arrangement between them.... Or he's a shit/has told her a lot of bullshit about me/the OW.

I'm bored already tbh. But what if he's cheating on his disabled wife, I know and I haven't told her. Tbh I've nothing to lose, my friendship, such as it was, is dead in the water.

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 23-Nov-14 00:31:30

It was a year ago you saw him with another woman?

I think you go with your instinct that you don't need the hassle and back off from this friendship a little.

To put it into context in my own situation, I wouldn't have wanted anyone, a neighbour or a friend tell me of my STBXH's deceit. In this situation, you don't know them that well and who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

It would just make things awkward for you if you live in the same street.

Bogeyface Sun 23-Nov-14 02:14:36

I suspect that he has told her that you are coming on to him.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 23-Nov-14 03:54:29

Perhaps she is resigned to him having a relationship outside of their marriage as long as he continues to support her as best he can and maybe he was just making sure you didn't think he was hiding anything.

Who knows, but I don't see there's anything to be gained here by you telling her sad

TheCowThatLaughs Sun 23-Nov-14 08:11:18

I'm afraid my first thought was the same as bogeyface's, he's protecting himself by making you out to be after him

Quitelikely Sun 23-Nov-14 08:25:49

There's a strong chance that she knows and they have an arrangement. I'm not sure bringing it up would solve anything for either you or her.

jakesmith Sun 23-Nov-14 09:13:10

I'd leave it to be honest it's not like your friendship is that great so you're not jeapordising much by not saying anything, and if you wade in to a situation you don't understand you may do more harm than good or come out being made to be the villain, I don't think anything good will come of interfering tbh

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Nov-14 09:16:53

She's only a 'loose' over coffee friend. This happened a year ago. You're now getting the cold shoulder. I'd leave them to it and socialise with other people.

sandgrown Sun 23-Nov-14 09:22:17

Could her illness be affecting her behaviour to you? I would not tell her but maybe still call for coffee as she may appreciate the company. If she declines then just leave it.

wallypops Sun 23-Nov-14 11:37:06

My experience would concur with Bogeyface.

springydaffs Sun 23-Nov-14 12:11:45

It's as I thought, then. I had resolved to back off, not interested to get involved; prompted by a call to wife who was very frosty - rude, really. Hadn't thought about it since - rarely see them anyway - but the recent thread prompted me to have another look at it, check it out again. Thanks for replies.

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