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never felt so lonely

(19 Posts)
ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Sat 22-Nov-14 23:15:05

I sometimes wonder if he married me just so i wouldn't be offended if he said no. I have posted a few times on here its got better but tonight i am quite upset and realised i am feeling really on my own.
He even said why didn't you marry someone else if you wanted to go to the cinema. I feel all i am here for is to cook and clean. He never takes me out, won't support my hobbies but cannot make suggestions or agree on mine to have a hobbie together. I am just sick of it and feel so alone. He is a hard working man and loyal but no fun and with my on going illness i just want someone to make me laugh and have some fun. He spends so much time online when he turns his phone of there is such an awkward silence. Its really getting me down. I am trying so hard to keep this working but i fear the compatibilty has gone. Just need to get it of my chest.

HumblePieMonster Sat 22-Nov-14 23:18:06

thanks

Travelledtheworld Sat 22-Nov-14 23:20:12

Sorry...
So crap to feel like this.
How long have you been married for ?

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Sat 22-Nov-14 23:25:39

Over 13 years. Last two years been really hard. I love him though but in my heart feel someone else would treat me better. I feel so sad when i see on fb what other peoples dh do for them. Don't think i have had a cup of tea in bed even on a bad day from him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Nov-14 05:44:32

A bad relationship is a much lonelier than being alone. If things have broken down maybe it's time to bury the hatchet and have an honest conversation with each other about the future? If it's together, everyone has to commit to making things better. If it's apart, don't drag it out.

jakesmith Sun 23-Nov-14 06:02:21

Thing is, if you were with someone who supported your hobbies, made you laugh, made you breakthrough in bed, you'd probably look back at your life now and wonder why you stayed with him so long. I'd have a frank talk and explain what you want from your partner and if he can't commit to changing then you have a decision to make. You say you love him but I don't think that's what love it. Love is when you can't wAit to see someone and spend time with them. Sounds like you're wasting your life away at the moment.

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Sun 23-Nov-14 08:53:59

We had a discussion last night in bed. He says i am always in his face and that its not his responsibility to make me feel good and that i need to start accepting myself. But you see i think even if i was a normal confident women he would still be the same. He said because i see attraction and connection as the main thing in a relationship i am the one that will end up having affairs. I am shocked he is even suggesting i would as i jump a mile when a man talks me. He wont tell me if he is attracted to me. Have i got the wrong idea about relationships being about attraction and connection.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Nov-14 09:06:11

He's not making a lot of sense really. Seems to be fobbing you off with a combination of blame and dire (irrational) warnings. No, he isn't responsible for your happiness but it's a pretty basic requirement of a loving relationship that there is affection and thoughtfulness. Otherwise what is the bloody point?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Nov-14 09:08:33

BTW I'm sure you are a normal confident woman. Repeated rejection and insults from the person who is supposed to love you will chip away at that but, take away the stress, and I think you'd be surprised

Sickoffrozen Sun 23-Nov-14 09:12:20

I think there can be an element when you are younger of ignoring a man's obvious faults with this desire to be part of a couple, get engaged, get married and potentially start a family. It then turns out the man you marry is actually not that great but he says "but I was like this all along-what has changed"

There is nothing wrong with what you want and sometimes it is time to realise that the person you are with is never going to give you what you want. You then have a choice. You learn to live with it or you make the decision to split.

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Sun 23-Nov-14 09:24:23

I was trying to explain that its normal in a relationship to tell their wife she is beautiful on a day she feels like shit and has to sleep that afternoon. I know he can't be my happiness and i can't be his but its like all he cares about and has affection for is his career. He knows i resent this and i have admitted it but if he showed an interest still i would not feel resentful of it. In fact i feel like an embarrasment he doesn't even put on social media he is married.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Nov-14 09:54:43

What you've got there is 'a cold fish'. Was he always like this? Was he more affectionate or thoughtful in the early days and something changed along the way? A random stranger would be kinder than he sounds

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Sun 23-Nov-14 10:22:06

No. He is angry because i find it hard to trust him for a long time because of the lack of affection. He doesn't like me 'throwing myself' at him as he described it last night but what else am i supposed to do if he rejects me all the time. He then makes me feel needy and i am not i was just iniating things last night.

Sickoffrozen Sun 23-Nov-14 10:30:12

Sounds to me like you are wasting your time.

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Sun 23-Nov-14 10:35:48

I have got to the point of withdrawing sex if he is not interested in the 'attraction and connection' part anymore oh and he gets offended if i say shall we have an open relationship!!

Sickoffrozen Sun 23-Nov-14 10:42:30

What's stopping you leaving?

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Sun 23-Nov-14 13:17:15

Alot of things. I will out myself if put it all on here. We have alot of history been together since i was 16. He is all i know and there is still a deep sense of love for him but its just the affection thing thats been getting me down.

bobs123 Sun 23-Nov-14 13:27:29

I don't know if this is of any use but have you tried making a list each of what you do for each other? It can be quite an eye opener and show what each of you thinks is important in a marriage.

My STBX thought he was a good H because he didn't get drunk all the time, didn't beat me up and didn't play away! He couldn't actually come up with anything he did dod for me.

You seem to be very different people with different ideas of what a marriage is all about. I think you need to clarify (for your own sanity) what it is he wants. I know many men just want a quiet, easy life and you could be seen as clingy to him? Your initiating sex and his rejecting you seems like a bit of a control thing to me...

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Sun 23-Nov-14 14:09:35

I think you are right about being different. He does like control but doesn't realise it he doesn't want me to work but gets pissed of for spending money on myself to feel good its not as if i have ever had a credit card and i will never pay over £15 for a top. I have said well we need to budget then and maybe give ourselves a set amount to spend each month. i guess also i have controlled him a bit in the past because of my trust issues. I think the list idea is a good idea.

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