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How do you end it after 12 years and 3 children?

(20 Posts)
WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 21:51:59

It's nearly impossible to start this. I don't know who is right or wrong any more. But if it needs to end, how do I end it when our lives are so entwined?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 22-Nov-14 21:57:46

Do you both believe it's over? Can you still communicate?

WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 22:02:46

Communicate? I don't know if we do. He thinks we do. I don't. I feel so lost. Thanks for replying. It's such a muddle. Is it me being a dick or is it him? It's a rhetorical question barb the way I know you can't know. I'm trying to figure out my own head. It's hard.

batmanandrobin Sat 22-Nov-14 22:07:10

am here to listen if you want to type away and see if we can make sense of your thoughts xx

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 22-Nov-14 22:09:12

Then you have to talk. An honest conversation along the lines of 'where do you see this going?' Maybe he is as unhappy as you are? Maybe you can still find some common ground? You won't know until you start the conversation

Tobyjugg Sat 22-Nov-14 22:10:28

Would it help to tell us about as much of it as you feel able to? Might help clarify your thoughts.

Tobyjugg Sat 22-Nov-14 22:11:25

batman you beat me to it.

WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 22:14:54

Thanks so much. I think we are on the verge of saying let's just end this. But it's not as simple as that. I think he loves me so much but maybe I have fallen out of love. HOWEVER to me, that is not enough to give up everything. Although as I type this I realise it's not everything if it's built on a crumbling love.

DorothyGherkins Sat 22-Nov-14 22:16:45

Have you tried spending some time apart, so you both have the space to think about what you need? How old are the children? It may not be case of who is right, or who is wrong, for whatever reason, it may just not be working for you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 22-Nov-14 22:17:28

Have you considered couples counselling?

WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 22:21:56

Cogito: yes we have recently but it got cut short by circumstances beyond our control. I think we need to continue that when we can. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Dorothy: yes. I like that idea a lot. Give ourselves time to think.

batmanandrobin Sat 22-Nov-14 22:22:41

has something made you angry with him? to fall out of love?

do you remember any happy memories or are you focusing on negativity? you need your glass to be half full xx

WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 22:23:19

Sorry I didn't answer your question. Our children are young- 7, 4 and 1.5. So life is very busy.

WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 22:25:29

Batman; yes I think his moodiness and negativity makes me angry.

DorothyGherkins Sat 22-Nov-14 22:25:46

Its difficult when you are someone's wife, someone's mother and you get caught up in everyday life - you lose sight of your own needs, and you dont get chance to think clearly about where you are going.

WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 22:28:07

Thanks Dorothy. It's true. I love my babies, my job, our house. Everything that we have built together. So I wish I had that passion for him. Is it gone forever or can it be found again.

WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 22:30:05

I know no body can answer that question. Not even me.

DorothyGherkins Sat 22-Nov-14 22:34:22

Could you have a weekend away without him, just a day or two away from the situation? Its hard to think when you are bogged down by routine, and probably exhausted. Tiredness is a real passion killer.

WaterPistolMam Sat 22-Nov-14 22:40:45

Yes. We can do that. Thank you, you have both helped my mind settle a bit. I'm off to bed now so won't be in again.

wasbumpers Mon 24-Nov-14 00:00:03

I could have written this. I have tried to write a post so many times but have bottled it. I am exactly where you are right now and I've no clue how to get through it. Watching with (a lot of) interest...

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