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dealing with crushing loneliness

(13 Posts)
dontcallmehon22 Sat 22-Nov-14 18:07:43

Since my marriage ended two years ago, I've really struggled to adjust to single parenthood. I got a pt job which is going ok. But I don't have a huge circle of friends, am rubbish at making friends, am snappy and exhausted and just so so tired. I just want to sleep.

I rushed into online dating and it gave me a respite from loneliness for a while. I don't know how to make friends, but I am attractive to men mostly and so I had two relationships which ended badly. I think because I can't keep up the pretence of being a lovely person. I'm needy, nasty at times and sometimes spiteful. I drive people away.

I'm off to a friend's tonight actually, but I'll probably sit there and feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

I'm in bed, having eaten too much and just wanting to sleep and sleep.

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons Sat 22-Nov-14 18:14:49

How old are you?

It's OK not to be sunny and agreeable all of the time. But it's not right if you are mostly snappy, tired and spiteful.

Do you take exercise? Might you be a bit depressed? Have you worked through all the stuff connected with the end of your marriage?

YvyB Sat 22-Nov-14 18:18:59

Are you sure it's just loneliness? You sound very low. Single parenting is exhausting and relentless and your marriage break up is still fairly recent - that is a lot to cope with when there's no end in sight. Have you been to your gp? A low level dose of anti depressants might make a huge difference to you (they did to me). Life is too short to spend feeling defeated - I really do think a chat with your dr might help.

winterland Sat 22-Nov-14 18:19:36

I get in a similar way sometimes. Single parenthood is really hard and it's so easy just to hide away at home. I have to really force myself to contact friends or make plans with people. But then I have been diagnosed with depression too. I could just sleep all day given the chance. Are you friends with your workmates?

dontcallmehon22 Sat 22-Nov-14 18:23:06

I'm 34. I got some anti depressants, started taking them and lost the box! So will have to wait till next month. I feel sort of reckless. As if it doesn't matter what I do as nothing I do matters. It just feels relentless and no one wants to listen as its just moaning and brings them down. I've people at work I chat to, but no mates. And I don't feel like I've the energy to try. I just see the rest of my life stretching out like this.

YvyB Sat 22-Nov-14 18:35:06

Do go back to your gp. It takes about 8 weeks for anti depressants to start to really even things out so you need to get back on them asap. For the sake of your children, even if not for you. I know what that 'life stretching out pointlessly and interminably' feeling is like but it's not YOU feeling like that, it's actually a sign that you're not very well. You could also try some iron tablets too.

You must take care of yourself: your children need you to.

dontcallmehon22 Sat 22-Nov-14 18:49:41

I will. I wonder if I could ring for a prescription. My mum keeps telling me that I don't need tablets and that it's ridiculous crying and taking tablets over a man. I'm not quite sure she realises where I am mentally atm. The relationships couldn't have worked, as I'm not ready, but they allowed me to forget about depression for a while.

InnocenceAndExperience Sat 22-Nov-14 19:30:24

Not much help, I know, but you are not alone. Many will recognise what you are describing.

How old is your child/ren? Are they with you all the time?

FrancisdeSales Sat 22-Nov-14 19:35:53

It really doesn't matter what your mum say or her opinion because you know your situation. I agree to go back to your GP, you sound emotionally exhausted. When was the last time you had a holiday or a meaningful break from caring for your child/children?

holeinmyheart Sat 22-Nov-14 19:44:38

Your DM is giving you dangerous advice. If your leg was broken badly would she advise you to go without a plaster cast on it.
You are depressed and in an ideal world of course you should be out there eating healthily, exercising madly and not complaining and moaning. But you are human and not perfect. WHO is.
At least you know that you need to do something to combat the situation you are in. And you are young enough to have lots and lots of potentially happy life in front of you.
To make friends you need to be friendly( undoubtably) have proximity, and listen more than you talk. What about volunteering at your local Children's Centre? You need to be somewhere where there are similar young women so that you can meet them and make friends.
I don't think you are strong enough to start your own Single Mums Club in the area. However you could ask your HV to help start one. It would enable you to meet lots of women in the same position as you.
I don't think you should give up on internet dating either but just be more careful and go extremely slowly.
There are some lovely men about and you only need one. Xxx

queencori Sat 22-Nov-14 19:48:56

I am the same , also a single parent and am rubbish at making friends.Anti depressant help you deal with the drudgery but they dont help you make friends sadlyhmm. Im not spiteful, but i dont trust people easily and i think it shows. i expct to be rejected.

Dirtybadger Sat 22-Nov-14 19:53:17

Go back to your GP. You shouldn't stop taking AD's abruptly. Stopping and starting can cause all sorts of problems. In future if you lose them and haven't got any or any way of seeing the gp for more (or say, you forget to order them from GP) speak to your pharmacist for an emergency supply or ring 111 to speak to an out of hours clinician for advise.

I think having read about your two newer relationships they won't have helped with how you are feeling, not in the long run. They will take time to get over in combination with your marriage, unfortunately.

Could you ask your GP about services available to you which might help with your self esteem? CBT, counselling...

Do you have the time to do a few hours voluntary work every week/few weeks? Volunteering in something that has a social aspect will keep you busy, let you meet new people (with similiar interests?) and hopefully help you see yourself as a valuable person) whatever you do in volunteering your time will be helping someone out somewhere.

Good luck.

dontcallmehon22 Sat 22-Nov-14 23:52:24

I think volunteering might be an option down the road. I almost feel in crisis at the moment. I just about manage to get into work.

I have the dc 6 days out of 7.

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