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if you lent your partner some money and had an affair. ..

(32 Posts)
Frogisatwat Sat 22-Nov-14 16:54:21

Would you ask for it back? My former partner lent me some money. A small sum. But a significant one all the same. Anyway its here ive told him he can collect it when he wants. ..
However part of me thinks.. you cheeky fucker. For three months before I found out ....he was having an affair. I had been happily decorating and fixing up his house (I do this as a business) for no charge. He wanted to impress little miss sparkles.
I think if it were me (and I wouldn't have had the affair) I would take the hit on the 'loan' given the upset.
What would you do?

ArsenicSoup Sat 22-Nov-14 16:56:03

Invoice him for the decoration work.

Only1scoop Sat 22-Nov-14 16:56:51

"It's here and I've told him he can collect it if he wants"

Job done.

If he doesn't collect it ....bonus

FelicityGubbins Sat 22-Nov-14 16:59:15

Well if in was shagging around then I wouldn't have any morals so would probably want/expect the money back, if I had been cheated on then I would probably keep it, but saying that I take great pleasure in winning the moral.high ground so I would do as you have, and offer it back, but with a time frame (collect within 14 working days ) then I would consider it forfeit if it wasn't collected.

OldLadyKnows Sat 22-Nov-14 16:59:28

I see your pov, but, personally, would rather pay it back than spend the rest of my life feeling that I owed him what you describe as a "significant" sum. Then you get the high ground re sorting his house.

Frogisatwat Sat 22-Nov-14 17:01:01

Good idea re invoicing!

Vivacia Sat 22-Nov-14 17:01:33

I'd pay him back.

CookieDoughKid Sat 22-Nov-14 17:01:34

You don't want to feel like you owe him anything. Put his cash in an envelope and drop it to his house. Then walk away and never look back!!

makeitabetterplace Sat 22-Nov-14 17:02:44

My partner had an affair. We split up and he owed me some legal fees for the house we ended up having to pull out of the sale for because I'd discovered his affair. Anyway, the money he paid me ended up being more than the solicitor charged. I never gave him the difference back. I bought a nice new ipad.

Catsarebastards Sat 22-Nov-14 17:04:35

I dont understand. YOU told him he could have it back. He didnt ask for it so how is he a cheeky fucker? (Apart from being a cheating knob)

CleanLinesSharpEdges Sat 22-Nov-14 17:05:21

I'd want the money back.

If I were you I'd want to pay it back.

But I'm pretty mercenary where money is concerned and live by the whole 'neither a borrower nor a lender be' philosophy and probably wouldn't have loaned you the money in the first place.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes Sat 22-Nov-14 17:07:00

Invoice him for the work you done whilst resisting the urge to tell him to go fuck himself

Frogisatwat Sat 22-Nov-14 17:21:16

No he asked for it back.. he can have it I agree its his. But it just rankles somewhat. Put it this way if I had lent him money and then spent 3 months shagging another man I just wouldnt have the brass neck to say to the man whose heart I had broken. Ps can I have my cash.?

Only1scoop Sat 22-Nov-14 17:22:31

But he hasn't asked for it has he? confused

I thought you said "it's here if you want to fetch it"

Only1scoop Sat 22-Nov-14 17:23:48

Sorry Op I see he has asked....

Knock up a quick invoice for the work you did for him then hopefully it's quits.

Catsarebastards Sat 22-Nov-14 17:24:31

Ah right. Yes he's a dick. He clearly does have a brass neck as he was cheeky enough to think he could get away with cheating. Pay him back and move on. I wouldnt wait for him to come and get it either. Post him a cheque or post the cash through his letter box then you arent waiting around for him and not giving him any more excuses to get in touch with you to arrange picking it up. Put the ball in your own court and give it to him then move on.

Frogisatwat Sat 22-Nov-14 17:24:45

Sorry to dripfeef btw but I never asked to borrow money off him. I asked for his help setting up an overdraft on our business account (they needed his authorsation too) but he couldn't be arsed so said here just borrow this...

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 22-Nov-14 17:30:22

"Our business account"?

You've possibly got more problems than just a cheating arse who lent you money and is now asking for it back.

If it was me, he'd get it back when hell freezed over. But I'd only make this clear once the business account had been closed.

Frogisatwat Sat 22-Nov-14 17:31:25

Anyway back to my meatier point if you had done the dirty and got caught would you pursue it?grin

Castlemilk Sat 22-Nov-14 17:32:26

Wow - no, I would invoice for the decoration work as its status as 'a favour to a friend' was obtained under false pretences. Given that you actually weren't in the relationship you thought you were at the time, sadly the handshake contract was broken and he will be charged the full amount you'd have charged him if he'd been a paying customer.

What, he never signed up for that? No, neither did you.

What, you have no paperwork saying he'd pay so he won't? Ok fine, there's no paperwork for the loan either, so quits it is grin

Frogisatwat Sat 22-Nov-14 17:32:41

Oh bitter don't even start me on that worry! He's a shareholder too! Fuck.

Frogisatwat Sat 22-Nov-14 17:33:19

Castle. Amazing.

Castlemilk Sat 22-Nov-14 17:33:24

No I absolutely wouldn't pursue it, I'd be ashamed to.

As he clearly isn't, I suggest you do the above as a way of telling him to firmly fuck off and not take you for a fool any more!

Frogisatwat Sat 22-Nov-14 17:33:46


Catsarebastards Sat 22-Nov-14 17:34:39

Well ive never done the dirty so i dont know how i would think or act in that scenario. I'm a nice person! grin

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