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Borderline personality disorder/work. Help please!

(18 Posts)
Tonymontana Sat 22-Nov-14 14:30:11

I have Borderline personality disorder and find working relationships very difficult. My latest attempt at working resulted in me leaving after a few weeks. I knew it wouldn't last when the first week I started the manager and her awful side kick made my colleague cry with their nasty bullying tactics. I had to persuade my lovely kind colleague not to leave. I knew that I would soon start receiving this treatment and I was right. This isn't the first time I have been treated like shit at work. I started getting terrible anxiety and left. Others seem to be handle to handle stress and emotions, but I literally go to pieces. I feel broken and useless. But I need to work.
I really need my independence and my confidence is so so low. My work history is appalling as I have been a SAHM.
Please help!

TtipParty Sat 22-Nov-14 14:39:10

No advice, but I've been in your position on more than one occasion, but I don't have dx. I feel like answer is, something to do with regulating our emotional responses but not sure how. Hand-holding. Xx

Tonymontana Sat 22-Nov-14 14:52:51

Thank you T. I appreciate your response.

sonjadog Sat 22-Nov-14 15:03:05

What job options do you have? Could you DP a job where you wouldn't have to work so closely with other people?

sonjadog Sat 22-Nov-14 15:03:32

Do not DP

dadwood Sat 22-Nov-14 15:06:50

Hi Tonymontana

There are a lot if really destructive managers out there in the UK, I think they are drawn to the job because of it's high esteem in the UK and because they believe they have leadership qualities which is a euphemism IMO for not respecting your staff and feeling the need to control them . Management is also a position where you can exercise personal power over your employee.
As I have found out in an employment tribunal, management is believed over staff against fairly strong evidence.

rant over!

Don't necessarily take on all the responsibilty for having a hard time with your manager, especially if others do as well.

I eventually gave up and went self employed, but I think, if you can stand it, you could try again and hope you find a workplace with better personal management.

dadwood Sat 22-Nov-14 15:22:13

I have some experience managing a small team. I believe it is part of the manager's responsibility to work with, as far as is practical, the different personalities of the staff they are managing. Otherwise, what is the job for apart from delegating and checking progress?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 22-Nov-14 15:34:28

No one should be bullied at work. Anyone would find it very stressful and the failt lies entirely with the bully, not the victim. If you get bullied so much that you have to resign then it's called constructive dismissal and the company can held liable. What kind of place we're you working? Was it a small/independent business or part if a bigger operation?

Tonymontana Sat 22-Nov-14 15:35:25

Yes Dadwood, it's that abuse of power that I find very hard to deal with. You're right about not taking on responsibility for their behaviour though. They were bullies. Due to being abused as a child I simply get triggered and go to pieces.
Sonja dog. I don't really know what my job options are, I am degree level educated but because it wasn't vocational I find people value experience which I don't have.
I think working alone would probably be best. I just don't know where to start.

Tonymontana Sat 22-Nov-14 15:49:16

It was in a kitchen, which was part of a much bigger operation.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 22-Nov-14 15:53:41

Big organisations are very conscious of the financial risks of bullying in the workplace. They are terrified of lawsuits. Always report bullying as high up the chain as you're able.

Tonymontana Sat 22-Nov-14 16:01:39

I should have reported it but the other lady said don't bother they are part of the furniture, so they will get away with it.
I just wanted to move on before I eventually imploded/exploded! And hopefully find a better job.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 22-Nov-14 16:05:03

That's your decision but, if you want to feel more in control, it can help to know your legal standing and take some advice from a place like CAB. Or join a union, of course. This is the kind of situation unions were invented for.

dadwood Sat 22-Nov-14 16:20:51

Hi Tonymontana

It is very much your decision whether you stand and fight or leave any one situation.
Personally, I made a decision to stand and fight alongside another employee, but the expense was a bitterness which lasted for around 4 years and a bill for legal expenses which was not considered by the tribunal to be payable by the company even though the tribunal found that the company had acted badly and the CEO had lied and neither I nor the other employee had.
I lost a great deal of faith in the legal system, particularly tribunals. You need to have a strong case with lots of irrefutable evidence (which I had). You can't win by the facts alone, the system is very heavily biased against the employee.

Tonymontana Sat 22-Nov-14 16:41:48

Thankyou Cog and Dadwood. Deadwood your experience is exactly what I though and that's why I would rather just move on. I have a low tolerance for stress and I just dont have the energy for an uphill battle especially as I wasn't there for very long.
But because of my personality, I do have problems with working anyway and I feel like such a failure. I feel hopeless and despairing. I don't know if I'm explaining myself very well here but I just see a bleak future of poverty and I put myself in very vulnerable positions by being dependent on others, as I find life so hard. I just don't know how to fix it all. My main concern is trying to stick at a job and becoming more independent.

dadwood Sat 22-Nov-14 17:00:27

Tonymontana you can't call me "deadwood" after what I just described happened to me at work! Super Freudian typo there.
Kinda funny though! smile

dadwood Sat 22-Nov-14 17:05:15

Have you had any luck with BPD support groups?

Tonymontana Sat 22-Nov-14 17:15:14

Oh I'm so sorry! blush that was my phones fault. That made me giggle.
That's a good idea about a group, they may be able to tell me what kind of jobs I may find suit my personality. I'm going to look into that. Thanks DADWOOD!!grin

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