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What do you think about this relationship with my dad?

(5 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Fri 21-Nov-14 22:03:01

I love my dad but as a child there were some things that stung.

He sent me to a private school where he worked as he got half price fees. I was bullied hugely at the school and didn't want to go but he kept me at said school. He knew about the bullying and felt bad about it. I can maybe understand why but to this day he won't here a bad word about the school.

When I was at this school I was often called ugly. I asked my dad if he thought I was pretty and he answered " you aren't the prettiest girl in the world" . I was utterly crushed.

There is lots of other stuff too. I feel bad saying this as he is very helpful with dd but I do feel like I rely on him too much. I do need to let the past go don't i?

Meerka Fri 21-Nov-14 22:17:55

Take practical measures. If you rely heavily on him, try to find other resources. You'll find it easier with him day to day if you're approaching from a position of more equality.

Past relationships with him? Bullying stays with people a looooong time. It stings badly. Have you considered some sort of therapy such as CBT therapy? YOu might be able to get 6 sessions on the NHS, which may be enough. Therapy isn't for everyone but it can be very good. It can also help you let go of things.

It's difficult to know the full picture of course if there is lots of other stuff; can only go off what you say here. But I hope that he loved you and wanted the best for you and that that outweighs the bad flowers

superstarheartbreaker Fri 21-Nov-14 22:31:07

He does love me... I know that. I had a break down in my early twenties and he found that very hard.

Meerka Fri 21-Nov-14 22:46:59

Break downs happen after a helluva lot of pressure has built up, usually over a lot of time. There's a lot behind your post isn't there.

HumblePieMonster Fri 21-Nov-14 22:53:10

Get some counselling. You have stuff to work through.

I don't know your dad but I think that if I'd managed to get my daughter into private school on half fees somehow, I'd be very keen for her to stay there to get the 'good education' independent schools are supposed to provide, clinging to the idea of education leading to a better life.

[My own daughter went to an independent. She was happy there. I don't know what we'd have done if she hadn't been.]

The other stuff, like not being reassured about your looks, counselling will help. But its not a miracle cure and counsellors are only human. In the last few months I've had one counsellor tell me 'You seem to have got over it' [that was my mum not loving me. you never get over it] and another ask 'Couldn't you snap out of it?' [of an eleven-year depression].

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