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Unsure whether to go NC with mother

(6 Posts)
EllaJayne123 Fri 21-Nov-14 14:10:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flimflammer Fri 21-Nov-14 14:18:36

I don't think you would be losing much, but unfortunately no contact doesn't mean no pain. All the special occasions when you would normally talk will still hurt. I found it helpful to put my mother "in a box" which I controlled, so if I rang her and she was rude I would end the call and try again another time.(took 2 weeks and 3 phone calls to catch her in the right mood to announce pregnancy). Keep visits brief and in situations you can leave as soon as she's rude. See your other family outside her company. Also stop expecting kindness from someone who shows you the opposite. Tell yourself she isn't like other people and so I won't get normal behaviour from her.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 21-Nov-14 14:21:40

No you are not being oversensitive in the least; that is also a charge levelled at such now adult children of such toxic people like your mother as well. People from dysfunctional families end up playing roles and yours seems to be one of scapegoat for all her inherent ills. Also such selfish women tend to favour one child over another one.

Your perhaps fight for her approval even now because you want her to somehow acknowledge you. It is more than ok not to seek the approval of such a person, not that she would ever give this to you anyway. It is NOT your fault your mother is the way she is, her own birth family did that lot of damage to her.

(I would also like to know how both your youngest sister and she is actually going to live in the US at all on such a basis).

It is not unreasonable in the least not to have any contact with your mother particularly as she has put herself first and only at the expense of her children her whole life. Your mother certainly seems to not bring anything at all positive into it. She was not a good parent to you and she will not be anything like a decent grandmother role model to your child either.

I would suggest you read and post on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread if you have not already done so.

makeitabetterplace Fri 21-Nov-14 14:24:04

I completely love being nc with my mum. I decided and told her a few months ago. I'm expecting and I'm delighted that she won't have any influence or place in my child's life.

I too was the 'brainbox' of the family and she never expressed any pleasure in this. Once she complained I never told her about anything in my life, so I did and she cut me short and said 'I don't understand a word you're saying.'

Weirdly I expected her to put up some kind of fight when I said I didn't want to see her ever again. She just never replied. This confirms my decision. It's bliss. Go for it!

EllaJayne123 Fri 21-Nov-14 15:00:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clover83 Sat 22-Nov-14 11:47:21

If NC doesn't feel right, remember you can limit/control contact so it has less power.

Also, NC doesn't have to be forever initially. You could set a 1/2/3 month timescale to give yourself thinking and berthing space. If you want to get in touch after that, you can. If you realise actually it's been a relief to be NC then you have your answer.

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