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An alternative point of view

(6 Posts)
westy40 Fri 21-Nov-14 11:36:35

Hello I am new to here and I am just looking for a bit of advice, and also confirmation that I am being reasonable or to be told if I am not.
I will tell you about my week and in return I would like you to tell me if you think I am being unfair, I will do my best to tell both sides of the story.

It is quite a long story and is still very raw, I will post in sections, to help make it easier to follow. I hope its not to boring, its therapy for me so I might go on a bit. Sorry

Last Wednesday(12th Nov) morning my partner told me that she felt anxious and that she had a terrible forboading feeling about our relationship. I was dismissive and got ready for work. Nothing more was said about this until Friday(14th Nov), which was my fault because it was a cry for help and I ignored it. When I came home from work on Friday, she was just getting ready as we were going out for dinner with our daughter, her partner and children. It was a birthday meal for me, as the Saturday(15th Nov) was my birthday. as soon as I saw her I knew something was wrong, so I said what do you want to say? she said we could talk about it on sunday(as we were due to go up to London for the day on Saturday for my birthday). I said I would prefer to be told now. She told me she didn't love me anymore and she was leaving. I was somewhat shell shocked and said little. We then went out for dinner, I discovered during the meal that my daughter was already aware of the situation even though I had only known five minutes. I was shocked that my daughter knew my relationship was over, before I even knew it was in trouble. It was not a pleasant dinner and I was glad to get home. We put our son to bed and then spent 2/3 hours discussing all the reasons she had fallen out of love with me. Her reasons were all reasonable, I have been very distance for the last 6/9 months and have only really been thinking about work. I have neglected her emotionaly and have stopped listening to her. Im lazy around the house(she called me sexist, which I insist im not, I would have been just as lazy had I been in a relationship with a man who seemed willing to do almost everything, I also have two daughters who are both feminists and they wouldn't call me sexist, I hope?). I'm unsociable and don't get involved in family events etc. Basically the long and short was although there was not one massive thing a build up of things had happened and she did not love me, that was devastating news for me, I was surprised but understood and did not want to make her unhappy.
I slept very little and in the morning I received me birthday cards and a couple of gifts, I did my best not to let my son see how I was feeling. At 12pm my ex partner took my son to our daughters for the night.

I am new to forums and am expecting I might come across like a bit of a pratt, but I hope not.

Also apologies about the spelling and the gramma, its just a stream of conscience.

I will post the next part later as I need to eat.

2times Fri 21-Nov-14 11:44:10

I'm sorry, you must be very shocked.
Generally on here, with the situation you have described, there might be someone else on the horizon somewhere.
Unless she has tried to discuss all her concerns many times with you and you haven't noticed?
2 days between a 'foreboding feeling' and moving out seems rather extreme.

Quitelikely Fri 21-Nov-14 12:38:08

I think the fact that you have started a thread and stopped half way through is kind if telling in some ways. Does anyone else think this or am I just going crazy?!!

I sympathise I really do but if you have been ignoring your wife's needs for a long period of time then I believe she has got the right to live a life in which she is respected, you weren't doing this and IMO she lost respect for you which killed her love.

In future if someone talks to you about how you are treating them please LISTEN.

Hope your lunch was nice.

TheHermitCrab Fri 21-Nov-14 12:46:41

Last Wednesday(12th Nov) morning my partner told me that she felt anxious and that she had a terrible forboading feeling about our relationship. I was dismissive and got ready for work.

Did she pick a particularly bad time to tell you (i.e the morning rush for work) or has she been trying this for a while, and you just weren't getting the hint. She probably should have been more honest, and that is wasn't just some random anxious feeling.

I suffer from terrible anxiety so I'm very clear with my partner when I'm just having a "funny turn" and need a cuddle, or if there is more and I want a proper talk with him.

You make it seem as if it was vague and out of no where, was it? or was there signs and communication from her?.

I feel very bad for you, we all get set in our ways and just become a person we don't mean to be day to day.

I'm presuming since you realise what you have done wrong, you will have explained to her that it can be worked out, and she is not responding to that?

As for your daughter knowing first, embarrassing and awkward but your partner probably warned her due to the fact you would all be together and she would notice a change in atmosphere.

A very sad situation all round x

westy40 Fri 21-Nov-14 17:06:33

Qitelikely - I certainly agree that she has that right and who can blame her. There is more to this story, which I will write later(once I have pit my son to bed) as I am keen for the otherside of the argument.

Its not her desire to leave that I am struggling with but how we are going about it.

Fairenuff Fri 21-Nov-14 21:59:08

The relationship is over. She wants it to end so that is it.

How you go about it depends on your current set up. Who is the main carer for the children?

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