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need to get it off my chest

(5 Posts)
needtogivemyheadawobble Thu 20-Nov-14 22:29:46

Im struggling to cope at the moment...everyone expects me to be happy like i always am but they dont know the half of it...

My dp is very controlling of me and our ds...sometimes i think he would b better off with 2 puppets he can control...i havent been out with my friends for over 2 years because he makes such a big deal out of it...i go 2 my friends 4 a cuppa and hes never off the phone.. yet he can swan off with his mates twice a week down the pub while im expected to sit and wait for him...i travel on public transport to and from work and if the bus is late or doesnt turn up then obviously im shagging someone in work...our ds cant move at the moment without him moaning about something
Everyone says what a lovely couple we are but if only they knew what he was really like...i know what you are going 2 say but i just needed 2 get it off my chest...

Drumdrum60 Thu 20-Nov-14 23:31:32

Oh dear! Sounds like he's projecting his own way of thinking onto you. Why do you try and please him so much ?

nicenewdusters Thu 20-Nov-14 23:46:27

Sorry you're in such a horrible position. Once you've got this off your chest do you have any plans as to what you might do about it ?

How long have you been together ?

Has he always been this controlling or is it mainly since you had your child ?

Controlling people like this usually follow a script, in my opinion and experience.

Has he tried to isolate you from your family ?

Does he undermine you ?

Do you feel less confident about expressing your views/opinions than you used to ?

Has your confidence generally diminished ?

maras2 Fri 21-Nov-14 00:02:42

LTB.Why stay with someone who you know to be a controlling arse.You know that it won't get any better don't you?

Canyouforgiveher Fri 21-Nov-14 00:11:24

Tell someone in real life. Honestly tell someone. Don't minimise what is happening.

Don't say "I know I am being silly" Don't say "He is great but"

Just pick the nicest most reasonable friend or relative you have and say

"DP is trying to control me. I can't go out without him phoning me incessantly and if I am late home from the office because the bus was late he accuses me of having an affair. he is similarly controlling with ds. I hate this. Could you help me?"

You shouldn't put up with this for yourself. But you definitely shouldn't put up with it for your son.

Maybe get an appointment with a counsellor to discuss how you feel about him/react to him. I say this because most women if out with their friends and their dp started phoning would tell him to leave them alone and turn off the phone. Or laugh. Or say f-off and leave me alone. honestly. So you can't do that therefore you may need some support in discovering just what you can and can't expect from a partner and from life.

This is no way to live. It will only get worse. Make a plan, follow it through. Get yourself and your child free. Start living again.

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