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Just need to tell someone

(8 Posts)
saveahorserideacowboy Thu 20-Nov-14 18:44:16

Hi, not even sure why I'm writing this but just need to get it off my chest.

When my Dh and I were first seeing eachother 8 years ago we were abit on and off / casual. We spilt up a few times and both slept with other people. We are both aware this happened and we both grew up alot, got together properly and are now very happily married with 2 fab dc.

A man (older by 20 years) I got briefly involved with at the time of casual relationship has been playing on my mind. One night I had been out drinking with him and a group of mutual friends and I did get very drunk. I got a taxi back with him and went to his house. At this point we had not slept together but had done sexual acts. I can not remember anything further from that night apart from several flashbacks of him on top of me having sex. I was naked the next morning.
I continued to see this man for several weeks after. I didn't get these flashbacks for several months later and they make me feel sick.
I guess I don't really know what happened that night, I could have easily consented in my drunk state I guess. It may not have even happened? I can't really talk to anyone about this as I don't really want it dragging up and I don't want to talk to my husband about it. It seems to be bothering me every once in a while when something makes me think of it. It is not affecting my life in any way and the man does not live anywhere near me anymore. I just needed to tell someone.

Mrsgrumble Thu 20-Nov-14 18:48:47

I have had a similar situation and many flashbacks but I put it down to being stone drunk. It was over fourteen years ago now. We were friends so I doubt it was any forced.

No advice, sorry.

flippinada Thu 20-Nov-14 18:49:54

I didn't want to leave this unanswered - I bet writing that took a lot of courage thanks

Would you like to talk about it?

saveahorserideacowboy Thu 20-Nov-14 19:15:20

I guess I just needed to say something about it to someone!! I just feel uneasy about it but accept I was v drunk and may not remember properly. I also feel abit confused that I continued to see him. Although he may not have even done anything wrong. I don't know

flippinada Thu 20-Nov-14 19:24:19

That's fair enough smile.

I think however you feel about it is up to you. You say the flashbacks are making you feel sick - is there anything in particular that's bothering you?

You aren't obliged to answer that here, btw, if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just something to reflect on.

Hope you're ok.

something2say Thu 20-Nov-14 21:39:06

What do you feel uneasy about? X

saveahorserideacowboy Thu 20-Nov-14 21:53:27

I feel uneasy that I don't remember wanting or consenting to having sex. Or that I was so drunk I couldn't give consent and he went ahead anyway.

flippinada Fri 21-Nov-14 21:40:45

Sorry, just seen this now. Didn't want you to think your post had been ignored.

I can understand why that would make you feel uneasy, it's not a comfortable thought, and brings up all kinds of difficult feelings.

Have you thought about maybe speaking to a counsellor or even phoning Rape Crisis, just for a chat?

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