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Post Baby- Is my hubby cheating and would you put up with this behaviour?

(6 Posts)
charlie2405 Thu 20-Nov-14 14:40:04

Hi Everyone.

I'm new to mumsnet but I dont know where else to turn.

My husband has started a new job in the care sector two months ago when our baby turned three months. He had been unhappy in his last job but we were great relationship wise. Since then though he's loving his new job and talks about it loads.
He works with lots of women (nature of the job) but I noticed that he had starting talking about one particular woman (I'll call her Sarah) and slowly our relationship began deteriorating- he started going out lots, getting really drunk, stopped helping so much with the baby etc

I wasn't blameless I suppose I was hassling and nagging loads but one day, and I know it was wrong- I checked his phone and found flirty messages to this Sarah and it really tore me up. Things came to a head with his behaviour and I left to go to my mums for a few days. I didn't confront him until we had a huge argument and he didn't say anything about it.

Eventually we talked and he said that he was sorry, that he had been enjoying the attention but he'd never hurt me. I accepted that and we have moved on and things are great again.

Or so I thought. I've found now that he has changed his passwords and is deleting messages from this Sarah. He's also staying at work for the odd extra hour and never mentions her now except for the last few days where he has said he is going to the staff night out cause she is working and he knows I have a problem with her. Otherwise he is acting like the perfect husband.

I don't know what to think. Is he hiding this stuff to spare my feeling?! Or is he cheating?! I really dont want to have to confront him again as things are going well between us but I also don't want to be taken for a fool

Help!

Thanks for reading xx

JaneFonda Thu 20-Nov-14 14:43:59

If he was trying to spare your feelings, he would actually be considering them instead of deleting messages - he wouldn't be talking to this woman any more than was necessary during work time.

None of us can say for sure whether he's cheating or not, but it doesn't look good - I'm sorry OP, you certainly deserve better, especially when you have a small baby to think of.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Nov-14 15:04:26

You know the answer to your own question, I think. You're going to have to confront him again because, the more you let this behaviour go and the more you allow yourself to be bought off with a few excuses, the worse it's going to get. If he can't be trusted, there's not much of a relationship

butterbeerfloat Thu 20-Nov-14 15:18:00

My DH swore blind all my fears and feelings were just my own insecurities and was the perfect husband at home to me in every way, but I did end up finding the messages that confirmed my worst nightmare too, whilst 8 months pregnant no less.

I hope it's not the same for you, or if he does have feelings for Sarah that you're at least able to nip them in the bud now before anything happens if it hasn't already. You should open up to how this relationship is making you feel and the fact that you and the baby miss him, he's hurting you and acting very suspicious which will only be making your head jump from conclusion to conclusion.

Sorry you're feeling this way flowers

Saltedcaramel2014 Thu 20-Nov-14 15:20:32

Sorry you're having to deal with this when you have such a young baby. He's got no excuse. Don't even think for one second you've been nagging etc and therefore it's something to do with you - that's called parenting a young baby! Confront him again.

charlie2405 Fri 12-Dec-14 20:18:51

Just thought I'd update, I did eventually talk to him about this, because I left my laptop on and he saw my post ( he didn't realise I had posted it ) and he brought it up. We had a huuugggeee talk and I had a few glasses of wine to lubricate my vocal cords (i'm usually useless at 'talks') and explained how I felt. He actually offered to leave his job. He said he changed his passwords and left facebook because I was posting pics of the kids when I left and it was upsetting him. He has now reinstalled it and I have all his passwords. There has been no more communication with him and Sarah and he has changed shifts so he's not working with her. He appreciated how I felt about the messaging and understands why I reacted as I did. I'm still cautious and I understand people may think I'm stupid but the trust is slowly coming back. I want to thank mumsnet and people who posted for helping me confront the demons in my relationship. Much love to you all xxx

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