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Post baby- Is my husband cheating?!

(10 Posts)
charlie2405 Thu 20-Nov-14 14:25:09

Hi Everyone.

I'm new to mumsnet but I dont know where else to turn.

My husband has started a new job in the care sector two months ago when our baby turned three months. He had been unhappy in his last job but we were great relationship wise. Since then though he's loving his new job and talks about it loads.
He works with lots of women (nature of the job) but I noticed that he had starting talking about one particular woman (I'll call her Sarah) and slowly our relationship began deteriorating- he started going out lots, getting really drunk, stopped helping so much with the baby etc

I wasn't blameless I suppose I was hassling and nagging loads but one day, and I know it was wrong- I checked his phone and found flirty messages to this Sarah and it really tore me up. Things came to a head with his behaviour and I left to go to my mums for a few days. I didn't confront him until we had a huge argument and he didn't say anything about it.

Eventually we talked and he said that he was sorry, that he had been enjoying the attention but he'd never hurt me. I accepted that and we have moved on and things are great again.

Or so I thought. I've found now that he has changed his passwords and is deleting messages from this Sarah. He's also staying at work for the odd extra hour and never mentions her now except for the last few days where he has said he is going to the staff night out cause she is working and he knows I have a problem with her. Otherwise he is acting like the perfect husband.

I don't know what to think. Is he hiding this stuff to spare my feeling?! Or is he cheating?! I really dont want to have to confront him again as things are going well between us but I also don't want to be taken for a fool


Thanks for reading xx

coco2303 Thu 20-Nov-14 16:31:55

Hi, it is horrible you are felling like this. I couldn't tell u if ur husband is physically cheating only gecko u of be able to tell u this. Although he says he wouldn't hurt you he obviously already has........
Even if he isn't having a physical affair is it acceptable for him to be talking to other women in this manner????
I have had the exact same thing happen to me, as far as I am aware my partner has never physically cheated but seeing messages to other women like that still made me feel crap and he lost my trust.......
So if he has changed his passwords it gas made me suspicious like u are and I don't no about u but I don't want to be that person sneaking to look at his phone etc. It drives u crazy believe me.
We are still together I don't go through his phone but I can't say I never will. It sounds crazy but I trust my instincts, it's when my instincts are telling me something isn't right I have initially checked up on him. But if I find something then I become 'obsessed l' about it and that's no way to live.
I don't no what u should do BUT I no it isn't good for ur state of mind to feel how u do now and with a young child ( it takes 12 months for your hormones to calm down ). And ur life is going through a massive change aswell. Having a child us beautiful but stressful and a time u definately don't need this added stress.
Sorry I can't help but I hope you manage to sort it out xx

coco2303 Thu 20-Nov-14 17:00:43

He can* don't no where gecko came from bloody predictive text xx

Jollyphonics Sun 23-Nov-14 23:19:11

Is there a reason you've posted in the bloggers section? It's just that there's little traffic here and you'll get more responses in "relationships" or just "chat"

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 24-Nov-14 09:49:18

Hi there OP
We've moved your thread to our relationships topic as this is chat for folk who like blogging.
HTH and hope that you can find some support on MN
Kindest to you

Windywinston Mon 24-Nov-14 09:58:16

So he's broken your trust already with the flirty messages, so he's already hurt you hasn't he. He seems to equate hurt with you finding out, rather than his actions themselves.

The changing passwords and deleting texts would be a worry.

If you're inclined to forgive then trust, once broken, has to be earned back and he should be accepting of your need to check his phone until you can trust him again. He's not sorry, he's sorry he got found out and is making sure that doesn't happen again

FWIW - secret flirty messages to another woman would be a deal breaker for me. It's hugely disrespectful.

AnyFucker Mon 24-Nov-14 10:08:09

Ah, so in the nature of dodgy folk on discovery of his cheating and being forgiven he has simply carried on but tried to hide it more

Not very good news, I am afraid

Tobyjugg Mon 24-Nov-14 11:25:49

I'm with AnyFucker This does not look good.

Joysmum Mon 24-Nov-14 11:31:29

Anyone truly concerns would have taken extra measures to be more reassuring and open. He knows he's already hurt you, now he's hurting you more.

People who love each other don't do that.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 24-Nov-14 16:19:40

This isn't good.
Can you go back to your mums to get some love and support and to get your head straight on this?
He is being completely disrespectful of you.
He doesn't care that he's carrying on and hurting you.
Go to somewhere safe and warm for a while and look after yourself and DC.
Maybe get some information together. Go to CAB and see what you would be entitled to on separation and then CSA to see what he would pay in maintenance.
At least then you have some facts to face him with.

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