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How can I bully/ abuse proof my life?

(9 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Thu 20-Nov-14 13:29:42

My mum was very abusive towards me as a child. She's dead now and there is lots of unresolved stuff.
I stayed in a highly abusive relationship for 5 years about which I've written about here and I've been bullied out of about three jobs. Not to mention the terrible bullying I had at school.
As a result I have low self esteem. The trouble is I'm too nice. At school my abusive bf and some friends called me "weak". I'm a bit more assertive nowadays but I am struggling with the scars of my past plus trying to safe guard the present. Dd seems very feisty and confident which I'm happy about.

I see these beautiful young girls brimming with confidence and I wish I felt like that at that age instead of battling a break down and eating disorder.

I've been having emdr but the sessions on the nHS have finished.

The irony is that my mum used to go on about being assertive but her treatment of me made me anything but!

superstarheartbreaker Thu 20-Nov-14 20:01:19

Any advice anyone?

DevonFolk Thu 20-Nov-14 20:04:14

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time sad thanks

I did a course through my local women's aid called Pattern Changing. It was brilliant. There's also something called the Freedom Programme which, I believe, can be done online.

DevonFolk Thu 20-Nov-14 20:05:39

The Freedom Programme

superstarheartbreaker Thu 20-Nov-14 20:27:09

Hi there. Thanks. I've done the online freedom programme. I think I need help with other people though, not just men. I find work place relationships hard too.

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Thu 20-Nov-14 21:24:44

Have you asked Women's Aid for more general courses or books they recommend?

I'm sure they must come across women in your situation looking for similar advice quite often.

alongcamespiders Thu 20-Nov-14 22:48:36

Watching with interest. Am in a similar situation .

PalaverParty Fri 21-Nov-14 00:32:36

I have very low self esteem and was recommended the following books from a MNetter. Maybe you could try these out.

A Woman in Your Own Right: Assertiveness and You by Anne Dickson. It's out of print now but available second hand from Amazon.

Brene Brown- The Gifts of Imperfection

I haven't started on them but the reviews look really promising.

Good luck.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 21-Nov-14 05:20:28

You can't bully-proof your life. Bullies exist everywhere and, by definition, don't respect others. They will try out the behaviour in most situations and see how far they can get with it. If it gets them what they want, they'll keep doing it until they are stopped.

All you can usefully do, therefore, is recognise and reject. If you think you're being badly treated by anyone at any stage.... and this applies to life in general, not just personal relationships - you stand up for yourself or walk away or both.

You say you have low self esteem but this doesn't have to get in the way. The mistake a lot of people make is to think they have to fix the self esteem before they assert themselves. Fixing personality flaws can be a long process. So I suggest you ignore the lack of confidence, consciously practise being assertive and see how it goes.

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