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Not coping well

(5 Posts)
ACOA Thu 20-Nov-14 09:41:37

Hi everyone, I don't post much but didn't know where else to turn so hoping to get a bit of perspective on my situation.

I am currently in 3rd tri of pregnancy with dc2. Recently things have been really difficult, bereavement, followed by close family member with alcohol dependency, now another close family member is very ill. I am a student, but taking time off atm so am effectively a sahm right now. I have been suffering with depression and was on medication prior to getting preg again but stopped once I found out on doctors advice and I'm really not coping well at all.

I really feel like dh doesn't understand how difficult things are for me. Think he might be depressed too and says he knows what it's like but doesnt seem to hear me when I say I can't control my angry outbursts (have recently been suffering with rage and thrown plate into the sink :-() and he says there was no need to for that, why am I behaving like this etc etc. it's just like I've completely lost any ability to stop it and work myself into a total frenzy :-(

Now I feel like I am at the end of my tether. Have been crying my eyes out every day and am really struggling with housework and just life really. I have told dh that I'm not coping but yet he sat last night on the computer while I had to sort dc1 out for bed etc and then when I asked for help in the kitchen with dishes at 10pm he just says he'll do it 'later' as he'd just started playing games console :-( he didn't do it and came down to same old mess plus more this morning.

I just feel like I can't get him to hear me at all and I don't know what to do. sad

AdorableAbbie Thu 20-Nov-14 10:01:48

Seek for a councillor, like a marriage councillor, that could talk to both of you, it's very hard to be pregnant, he should help you in his own ways.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Nov-14 10:02:43

I'm sorry you're struggling and that your DH is not saying or doing the right things but, with respect, he's not a health professional and I think that's what you really need here. The things you describe such as bereavement, illness and dealing with addiction in others are highly stressful and, even if you didn't have clinical depression, they would still be difficult to deal with. MH problems that involve 'rage' are damn scary for outsiders so him retreating into console games might just be the way he's coping. Whatever else is going on, he doesn't not deserve to be subjected to outbursts and plate-throwing.... you have to address that yourself.

So please go back to your GP and HV as a matter of urgency. Tell them what is happening and see if there is anything they can do for you. It may not be your old medication, it may involve other therapies or different pregnancy-friendly drugs

ACOA Thu 20-Nov-14 10:08:15

Thanks for your reply.

I just wish he would help in the house. He does nothing when he gets home from work at around 4pm and on the weekends either and any time I ask him to do anything its nagging him.

I have spoken to the designated MH midwife and waiting on a referral to come through for help, it can't come quick enough, every day is a nightmare. Just hoping they can help me. sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Nov-14 10:28:05

If he's not bringing anything useful to the party, ask him to leave. Seriously. If you're doing everything solo anyway, it's a lot less stressful and easier to get organised if you take it on 100% than it is to keep expecting help where none is offered. BTW 'Nagging' is just a word men use about women who ask for something more than once.... don't accept it.

If he leaves and you feel no calmer then at least you know he wasn't the problem.

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