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Think OH is watching 2 much porn

(29 Posts)
pennylane123 Wed 19-Nov-14 22:02:54

I've looked at my OH's web history on his phone (after he was on Internet dating a few months ago) and see he watches porn every day. Usually he watches it early in the morning whilst I'm still sleeping. At night he's not interested in having sex with me and if he does do it, he'll keep his eyes closed. He also lies about being horny in the morning. Should I speak to him about it, and is it a problem?

Feeling so ignored...and worry I need to just shrug my shoulders at it.

Help & advice please!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 19-Nov-14 22:05:25

If porn is interfering with his ability to sustain a meaningful physical relationship with you then the last thing you should do is shrug your shoulders! Talk to him and give him a choice.... real life or digital jollies.

JohnFarleysRuskin Wed 19-Nov-14 22:09:59

God, he sounds horrible.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 19-Nov-14 22:13:23

I missed the part about the Internet dating. When you say 'OH' do you mean you're married? DCs?

pennylane123 Wed 19-Nov-14 22:26:58

Hi all. I've not posted about his internet dating habits a few months ago. It was too painful at the time.

To fill you in:
My OH (we're long term partners, not married) and I have had a bit of a dip in our relationship - due to job stresses on both sides. I've found out that he'd been sending explicit, NAKED pictures of himself to various women on dodgy apps/Craigslist - despite a seemingly healthy sex life still. He even said he wanted to meet up with them. He denies cheating (or meeting up), and hasn't apologised. Deeply in love with him. Sadly he can hardly say that back to me, let alone say I'm beautiful or sexy.

Now he's reverted to hardly any sex, and porn one on one time.

Just another huge blow to my self-confidence.

SelfLoathing Wed 19-Nov-14 22:40:12

He even said he wanted to meet up with them. He denies cheating (or meeting up), and hasn't apologised.
Sadly he can hardly say that back to me, let alone say I'm beautiful or sexy.

So why are you with him?

What is it about him that is lovable or makes you feel good about yourself?

pennylane123 Wed 19-Nov-14 22:47:38

I love him...with all my heart and hope he feels the same.

Ihatechoosingausername Wed 19-Nov-14 22:50:46

I love him...with all my heart and hope he feels the same.

but.... why? hmm

pennylane123 Wed 19-Nov-14 22:56:51

I just do...I'm sorry, it's that simple. It was love at first sight.

Ihatechoosingausername Wed 19-Nov-14 22:58:57

Okay, fair enough.

Advice then: offer him a blow job every morning? I'm sure he won't ignore you then!

Lovingfreedom Wed 19-Nov-14 23:01:18

'Unrequited love's a bore' ...and vastly over-rated in my opinion. You'd be much happier without this 'wanker'

Pinklaydee1302 Wed 19-Nov-14 23:03:12

Is he getting it elsewhere? I suspect he is....hmm

pennylane123 Wed 19-Nov-14 23:06:11

Do you think he is? He has really long shifts as a police officer and comes back home too knackered usually to have sex with me. I thought it was just porn...maybe you're right.

skylerwhite1 Wed 19-Nov-14 23:09:04

Oh God Pennylane123, I feel for you in this situation. He is being a complete prick. I know you love him and it was love at first sight, but can't you see how disrespectful he is being? Do you have children? if not pack my bags. Im so sorry but he is treating you like (I don't know what) but so bad. You are worth more than this. Seriously imagine going back to before you met your OH and reading your question?

farendofafart Wed 19-Nov-14 23:11:10

When you had a good, active sex life, was he working long shifts?

pennylane123 Wed 19-Nov-14 23:15:56

Thanks so much for your support everyone.
We did have a good sex life when he worked long shifts, then it all changed suddenly.

Sadly we've been discussing trying to conceive in the new year...thought with minimal sex, that's going to be tricky,

I just can't seem to let him go...or I'm scared of talking to him because of his reaction.

farendofafart Wed 19-Nov-14 23:26:01

So the excuse about being tired after a long shift is just that- an excuse.

It really sounds like he checked out of this relationship long ago, but doesn't have the guts to tell you.

You know what I can't get past? Him not apologising to you for the dating sites. What despicable behaviour in the first place, but to not even have the humility to say sorry ... angry

I truly wonder why you are putting up with this OP, much less planning to have a(nother?) DC.

farendofafart Wed 19-Nov-14 23:28:05

And being scared of someone's reaction preventing you from talking to them about something so important is a sign of a very unhealthy relationship.

KristinaM Wed 19-Nov-14 23:47:19

Your relationship is terrible, he wants to meet other women and you are thinking of having a baby with him??????

Please tell me why this is a good place to bring up a baby ?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 19-Nov-14 23:47:44

You don't have to say that your self confidence is low. Most people would regard sending naked pictures and joining dating sites as a gross betrayal so giving him a second chance after that suggests low self esteem. Thinking you have to settle for taking second place to porn websites shows the level of damage. I'm sorry that you don't believe you're worth more.

You mention he's a police officer and, apart from the huge disrespect he's showing you, he's taking a professional risk if his grubby personal habits come to light. If he hasn't met some of his contacts, I'd be amazed.

Drumdrum60 Wed 19-Nov-14 23:52:45

He will be meeting people from those sites or something else. He is being an entitled prick who has lost the plot. He deserves to lose you. You are enabling him to carry on.

SandyJ2014 Thu 20-Nov-14 00:27:51

Try and catch him watching the porn on his phone early morning then ask him wtf is going on...

By the way, the craigslist thing is worse than the porn. If I were you I wouldn't be thinking of having a child with this man...

In fact, I am very sorry to say this OP but my strong feeling is that your DP checked out of your relationship a while ago. I think you should leave. And find somebody who will cherish you and rip your clothes off. In a year or two you will look back and laugh at this man.

I'm sorry flowers

Tobyjugg Thu 20-Nov-14 00:40:43

I agree with Sandy. He's out of your relationship and if you find there's an OW I regret to say I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest.

Pastmyduedate0208 Thu 20-Nov-14 00:40:44

This man does not want a baby with you.

This man has no respect for you.

catmadmum Thu 20-Nov-14 14:01:28

I am so sorry penny lane. I found out on Monday that my DH of 13 years has been posting on craigslist looking for casual no strings sex. I rang him up and told him we're finished. I'm not saying that you should do that just that enough is enough. Years ago I found him trawling sex posts on gumtree and then 5 1/2 yrs ago when I was pregnant with DD I found out he was posting looking for casual sex. He promised it wouldn't happen again and was sorry etc etc. Now 5 1/2 yrs down the line he's doing it again but this time it's worse. I found the disgusting emails he's sent to other women he's found on these sites and that he's posted 8 times various different posts on craigslist. The latest one on Sunday just gone. When I asked him about it he told me it had been 3 times but then this morning I thought to log into his craigslist account and there have been 8 posts. Stuff like I'm cycling home from work at 11pm on sunday night if anyone is up for hooking up. I am heart broken. We've been together 16 years and have a 7 year old son and a 5 year old daughter who adore their daddy. But how can I ever trust him again? If I were you I'd get out while you can and don't have a baby with this man. My life is now broken and when the kids find out theirs will be too. I'm going to have to sell my home and find somewhere crappier and cheaper. I can't keep putting up with his nonsense. Good luck whatever you decide.

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