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my life feels empty

(13 Posts)
Dinkiedoo Tue 18-Nov-14 18:21:39

Have been married to a lovely man for six years but I am feeling stuck in a rut ...empty...not bored but getting there.
we are in debt management so have no spare money to go out .I last went on holiday in 2009 and it will be a while before we can go away again.He went on a holiday of a life time however last year .Since he came back we have tried to save but cars broke down , the washer broke , the freezer died .We both work full time but for what ? We hardly go out .
Im sick of being skint and working hard for no reward.
I am pissed off with him as he didnt get me flowers for my birthday . ( I got flowers and champagne and a cake for his )
The house needs work and a good clean but I think why should I do it when he has more time off than me and does barely anything .
I cant talk to him any more . My dad died two years ago.I cant talk about how much I miss him ..how sad I still feel .
I love this man ...honest BUT I feel like Im doing all the work

fairypond Tue 18-Nov-14 18:26:24

Perhaps you could explain what's lovely about him.

How come he went on the holiday of a lifetime without his wife?

TinyWishes Tue 18-Nov-14 18:26:52

Im sorry things seem a bit stuck in a big fat rut for you.

Have you tried speaking to him?

How comes he got a holiday of a lifetime but you didn't?

things can only get better once you both recognise there is a problem.

Sending you hugs and wine x

Dinkiedoo Tue 18-Nov-14 18:28:39

thanks for reply . I cant talk to him ...thats the problem . The holiday was an interest holiday that I had no interest in lol x Its something he has wanted to do all his life . I dont think he thinks there is a problem .

Dinkiedoo Tue 18-Nov-14 18:34:05

he is a lovely man .He texts me loving messages throughout the day . he has been supportive in the past . he drove me round work when my car was in the garage . I cant drive his car (i passed test in automatic and his is manual )
I didnt go on the holiday as it was 6 men "spotting" not my cup of tea .He asked me if he could go and said he wouldnt go if I objected .

TinyWishes Tue 18-Nov-14 18:38:09

Ah fair enough.

If I can be blunt it sounds like you are just plain bored and frustrated with the lack of money situation.

Have you thought about doing a part time job? Earn more/extra cash and meet new people ? X

TinyWishes Tue 18-Nov-14 18:39:08

Why can't you talk to him.

What would you say to him if you could. x

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Nov-14 18:41:53

Texting loving messages and being supportive doesn't mean this guy isn't selfish. My guess is that everything he does is designed to make himself happy or his life easier - a means to an end - rather than it being an expression of love per se. The special interest holiday set-up sounds like classic manipulation..... giving you the impression of asking permission when you really didn't have the option to say no.

When you say you can't talk to him, what do you actually mean? What usually happens when you say how you feel?

Egghead68 Tue 18-Nov-14 18:42:25

The OP already works full-time.

If you can't talk to each other I don't think you have much of a relationship. Sorry.

Dinkiedoo Tue 18-Nov-14 18:47:03

yes I work full time ...any spare money we get has to be declared to debt management and they take it.
If I could express what I wanted to say it would be to say I think he a tad selfish .
We do talk about some stuff but he really takes it to heart and gets very upset and I hate to hurt his feelings .
Im planning on having a heart to heart tonight. We dont see that much of one another lately as he works long hours and opposite shifts to me ...so thats part of the problem too . He says thats the joys of working life .

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Nov-14 18:55:25

A tad selfish? hmm Also, don't be put off by the 'very upset' routine. That's a pretty standard tactic for selfish people when put on the spot. Rather than being prepared to acknowledge that their decisions are causing someone else unhappiness, they turn it all back to 'poor me' and switch on the waterworks or they get defensive and aggressive. It's all deflection designed to avoid having to change.

Suggest you keep your heart to heart, therefore, to just one or two points and stick with them. e.g. You're fed up with life being a joyless grind of paying off debts, he has to start bringing in more money and pulling his weight around the house and, set against him forgetting your birthday, his special interest trip was a selfish indulgence that you're now regretting.

And don't be deflected.... be tough...

Dinkiedoo Tue 18-Nov-14 18:58:11

he didnt forget my birthday ..I just didnt get flowers :-(
I will be talking to him shortly

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Nov-14 19:03:49

So he got you a gift, a card, made you a nice meal?.... Or did you get another cheapo text and were expected to be happy with that?

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