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Goodbye my lover?

(26 Posts)
fallenstar14 Tue 18-Nov-14 17:55:11

Has anyone here been involved with 2 men and gave one up?
im in that situation i have ended things with my lover but i dont feel good about it at all, is it possible to love 2 men if different ways? i have no idea whether to start things up again as the man in question called me today and said how much he misses me etc.

Major confusion

LineRunner Tue 18-Nov-14 17:57:10

Yes when I was younger but we were all single at the time.

Different if one of you isn't single, I think.

AuntieStella Tue 18-Nov-14 18:01:44

If everyone concerned knows that's the deal, then no problem.

If one or more does not know, then it's deeply unfair on the one who is being duped.

fallenstar14 Tue 18-Nov-14 18:03:53

my lover knows the situation with my boyfriend, obviously my boyfriend has no idea ive been seeing anyone else

PatriciaHolm Tue 18-Nov-14 18:06:47

Are you actually genuinely asking us if we think you should carry on having a affair?

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease Tue 18-Nov-14 18:07:33

I thought this thread was going to be about James Blunt. A little bit grin about the term lover <cynical>

Hatespiders Tue 18-Nov-14 18:17:33

When I was quite young I had 2 boyfriends, and couldn't decide which to continue with. I found that the only way forward was to 'cut the Gordian knot'. What I mean is, if you can't decide which to have, then you actually love neither and should leave both of them.

fallenstar14 Tue 18-Nov-14 18:20:50

i came to the conclusion i had to cut one out and i chose to stay with my boyfriend i dont know why cos he dont treat me very well, my lover and i have been seeing each other for just under a year but weve been friends for years.

LineRunner Tue 18-Nov-14 18:27:34

I think you should ditch the boyfriend anyway if he doesn't treat you well.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Nov-14 18:27:48

It's possible to love any number of people in any number of different ways, of course it is. However, convention dictates that you should at least aim for some kind of serial monogamy because otherwise all you're doing is using people, being dishonest and who really wants to be that kind of person?

If it's not working out with your boyfriend, bringing a third party into the picture doesn't improve anything. Talk to him, find ways to revive the relationship or end it completely. Anything half-way and no-one's happy.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Nov-14 18:29:48

You know it's OK to be single rather than stay with someone who doesn't treat you very well.....?

Sickoffrozen Tue 18-Nov-14 19:19:13

Sounds like you have made the wrong decision to me!

Hasle157 Tue 18-Nov-14 20:29:56

If you loved the first one, you never would have cheated in the first place. That's your answer.

Cabrinha Tue 18-Nov-14 20:33:12

You are very very wrong to cheat. Why are you even with the boyfriend if he treats you badly?
Your affair friend is a bit of a shit too - I'd steer well clear of someone who condoned the cheating.
Lots of bad choices here OP, you should think about why you're making them. It isn't because you're in love with two men, that's excuse claptrap.

smokinggnu Tue 18-Nov-14 20:33:27

I have a friend who lives with her husband and her-would-be-husband-if-it-were-legal. So I have to say, yes. For some it is possible.

Fairenuff Tue 18-Nov-14 20:51:29

Of course it's possible to love more than one person at a time. However, if you are cheating on your boyfriend then you don't love him. When you love someone you don't do things that you know would hurt them.

So, I suggest you break up with the convenient boyfriend so that you are free to pursue other relationships. Is the 'lover' single, or is he also cheating on some poor unsuspecting bugger?

TheHermitCrab Wed 19-Nov-14 09:36:25

my lover knows the situation with my boyfriend, obviously my boyfriend has no idea ive been seeing anyone else

That is called cheating and not dating. So yes it is possible to love them both, but you can only have one (and confess to the boyfriend)

Unfair and dishonest, not acceptable.

You'll probably find once you've left the boyfriend, and kept the lover, either you or the lover will loose interest...

fallenstar14 Wed 19-Nov-14 16:34:40

The lover is taken too yes, he says he dont get enough sex with his girlfriend and thats why he sees me , we are friends with benefits but i dont think its healthy....
i have no idea why im with my boyfriend we have been together just under 2 years but he is lazy and rude and treats me more like his mother than girlfriend. He is too lazy to suspect im up to anything with anyone else.
My ex lover knows he treats me like this and does say he deserves it all.

The whole thing is putting me off men and relationships for life , i am 23 so i have years ahead of me i dont want to be in this triangle anymore.

TonyThePony Wed 19-Nov-14 17:52:16

Don't be in the triangle any more then. You sound immature and pathetic.

scaevola Wed 19-Nov-14 17:56:59

"i dont want to be in this triangle anymore"

That, I think, is your answer.

And that means you need to break it off with both these men as you sound happy with neither.

Tinks42 Wed 19-Nov-14 18:20:02

Two arseholes arent better than none you know OP. For god sake dump them both. Learn from this and up your expectations. Another good thing to remember is "close one door before you open another".

Fairenuff Wed 19-Nov-14 18:31:32

Oh, I see you're just a common, everyday cheater then, just like all the others. With all these people involved I think the best advice is to get yourself an sti check.

Jolleigh Wed 19-Nov-14 19:05:05

There are some very bad choices here OP. It's fine to be single you know.

Jolleigh Wed 19-Nov-14 19:06:13

How on earth have you got the gall to say the situation is putting you off men? You're hardly the injured party.

Cabrinha Wed 19-Nov-14 22:54:49

Why are you in love with a cheat that uses you for sex on the side, and a man who treats you badly abc who you don't mind cheating on?

There's no love involved among the three of you, let alone you loving two men.

FFS end it with both and give being single a whirl long enough to sort your head out!!

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