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Not interested when baby was born

(6 Posts)
Tobewhatistobe Tue 18-Nov-14 16:48:49

Anything else experienced this. It's so weird. Husband was at the birth well he just arrived when baby was born and all he did was yap away with the midwife at the time I found it very irritating. Can't even remember him holding him. That was five years ago. Fast forward to today and he admits he wasn't that interested. It was child number two. I. Having child number three and I'm going to ask him to stay away from the birth because I can't bear to have him around me right now. Anyone else experienced anything similar. I think having a baby is very special and so many people are unable to ... Sad

ROARmeow Tue 18-Nov-14 17:38:14

What's he like generally as a DH and dad?

Is he an equal parent with them in day-to-day things?

He sounds a million miles from how my DH was when our children were born.

Do you have someone who will be a good support when you give birth to your 3rd - a friend or relation?

alongcamespiders Tue 18-Nov-14 20:56:04

Yep I had the same experience with baby number two, i think it exacerbated my pnd. Fast forward three years and we are now divorced...he is interested in ds now thank goodness but it was a nasty shock and I'm only just acknowledging it now. It has somehow tainted the memory of my baby being born.

smokinggnu Tue 18-Nov-14 21:12:24

ExH had to be woken up for birth of DD1 (I left him to sleep whilst in early stages, woke him at 10am to drive to hospital, delivery was an hour later and he was asleep) and was only in the room for DD2 (didn't plan to be) because I actually delivered her on the trolley in the doorway.

SweetErmengarde Tue 18-Nov-14 23:19:23

When I was pregnant with DS1, ExP made all the right noises: he would be there to support me, wanted to cut the cord, couldn't wait to meet the baby....all that jazz.

The reality was somewhat different. We had barely arrived at the labour room when ExP turned to the midwife and (cringe!) asked if there was anywhere he could buy cigarettes. MW gently pointed out that there was nowhere on the premises as this was, um, a hospital and that as the nearest shops were about a mile away, he surely wouldn't want to be gone that lo.....

She didn't even get to finish the sentence before ExP was out the door, calling "Seeya!" over his shoulder to me.

He returned about an hour later. Now please bear in mind that my waters had broken shortly after breakfast and it was now late afternoon, so apart from a bowl of cereal, I had had nothing to eat and was stuck with ice chips until DS1 deigned to put in an appearance. Understand then my disgust and impotent fury when he waltzed back into the room, flopped down in a chair and produced a can of Coke and a Dairy Milk, which he proceeded to wolf down right in front of me, complaining the whole time about how hot it was and how he hadn't been able to get anything more substantial to eat!

His finest hour came in the immediate run up to the birth - I didn't have an epidural andtheonly thing that alleviated the pain was having the small of my back rubbed. To hear him, you'd have thought he was the one giving birth! Oh Christ, he just couldn't go on, his hand was cramping up, it was agony...the heat was unbearable, it was giving him a headache.... The MW, aka my new best friend, made a sound suspiciously like a snort, brushed ExP aside and, without a word, took over back rubbing duties until DS1 emerged.

I understand that plenty of man are supportive partners and loving dads, but are a bit useless in medical-type situations, or struggle initially to bond with a newborn who only seems to want its mother. I get it. However, ExP's performance was entirely in line with his usual character, which is why he became an ex before DS1 had taken his first steps.

Tobewhatistobe Wed 19-Nov-14 07:40:05

oh my goodness how do we end up with these FOOLS ladies?? i have sons im sure as hell going to make sure they know how to be decent human beings

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