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I'm a horrible person.

(7 Posts)
RobbStarksBitch Tue 18-Nov-14 11:37:50

The title sums it up really. I'm a horrible, nasty person and I can't get my head around it.

My little sister has told me indirectly that she thinks she suffering from depression and I can't feel any sympathy for her sad

The background to all of this is that I am 25 with two Ds's. She is 22 and lives with our mum. She has no responsibilities apart from giving my mum some house keeping money each week (that then gets spent on her anyways through treats, shopping etc).

She moans about her awful her friends are. How selfish they are etc (which to he fair they are and I very much dislike the way they treat her) but what she can't see is that she treats me the same way they treat her. Speaks over me, is very dismissive of my feelings. If I disagree with her she gets into a massive strop.

My mum and dad pander to her. She wasn't happy living where we grew up anymore and wanted a fresh start so my mum upped sticks with her and moved countries! This was 4 years ago. At the time I was going through a hard time myself involving my ex and a court case etc. Whilst my dad as brilliant having my mum around would have helped a lot. Eventually I moved to join them.

My dad regularly sends my sister money as she is always skint. My mum pays her phone bill and buys her cigarettes and she has no other out goings so i don't know where her money goes besides shopping.

My relationship with my mum has really suffered and we are no where near as close as we used to me as while my sister can be lovely she regularly is down right rude to me in front of my mum and dad and they say nothing yet if I snap back I get a talking to.

I live 10 minutes bus ride away from my mum yet she has probably been to my house a handful of times in 3 years. It's expected that dp and I bring the children to visit her. If I don't visit then I don't see her.

I visit my dad every couple of months as I have to take ds1 to see his father. When I visit with my dp and ds2 it's brilliant but if my sister tags along I can't get a word in edge ways and by the end of the trip I feel devestated.

I can't cope like this anymore. I feel like the black sheep of the family where she is concerned. When she's not around I have a brilliant relationship with my mum and dad.

I think I feel like she's saying she's depressed for more attention which makes me feel so evil I feel physically sick.

How can I stop feeling and thinking like this? I want to support her even though I don't really believe her.

TheHermitCrab Tue 18-Nov-14 11:46:36

You say you are a horrible person yet you spend the whole post writing about how horrible your sister is....

I think the situation you have described is rubbish from your point of view, I don't want to use the word jealous, but do you think you resent the way she is treated? It doesn't seem like it is just her actions that bother you, but your parents too.

You are the independent and older one with 2 children, she is still the "child" in this situation. Maybe you aren't treated the same as her because people genuinely think you don't need or want it, and are doing great on your own.

As for you not believing your sister is depressed, because she has such a cushy lifestyle. You could be right, you could be wrong, but depression comes in all ways, and isn't at all related to the life you have. People who have hard time after hard time are jolly little fighters, and those who seem to have a life of Riley are deep down depressed.

Maybe talk to her about it? Maybe she feels she needs the attention because at only a few years older than her you have children, a partner, a "life" and she is still at home with mum and dad...

I don't know... just trying to see it from another point of view?? Hard to determine what the situation really is.

xxx

TheHermitCrab Tue 18-Nov-14 11:47:11

(When I say rubbish i don't mean you are talking rubbish, I meant the situation seems a rubbish one to be in!!)

RobbStarksBitch Tue 18-Nov-14 12:17:26

I totally agree with everything you said. I AM jealous.

I'm jealous because whilst she is the baby of the family she is not a child. She wants to live like an adult yet get treated like a child if that makes sense? When I lived with my mum I had to pay a set amount every week. Even when I was visiting my dad and not there for a week or two at a time I still had to pay yet my sister doesn't pay from one week to the next and when she does it gets spent on her anyways.

I have never suffered from depression but I know it comes in all shapes and sizes. I just don't see any behaviour from her that would explain her feelings. I see and speak to her regularly and it's only since last week (she had a falling out with her friends) that she's been saying she's depressed.

TheHermitCrab Tue 18-Nov-14 12:26:40

I can imagine why you would feel jealous, I would try and see it as a positive if you can. You have children, a partner, a life, and while she is being given the easy life I would see if as somewhat pity...

Maybe your parents don't want her to leave the nest like you did? So she's getting an easier time that you did? I don't know...

I suffer from depression, have for many years, and only one person (my partner) in my life knows. I'm 8 months pregnant and so obviously had to let the midwife know so she can look for any "signs"...etc and check up on me! and her response was "oooh no you're such a happy outgoing person, oh that's a shame!" lol.... strange reaction. I'm a jolly loudmouth in most people's opinion, so maybe she is suffering? But maybe she is a drama queen feeding off the attention!

I'd try to concentrate on yourself and your life and leave her to trying to upstage you when family are around.. you don't want to to become a fight for attention, because if she's that desperate she'll make sure she wins :/

It's a bit of a pickle!

Ihatechoosingausername Tue 18-Nov-14 12:38:37

Be a big sister and be there for her regardless of how you feel? Perhaps it would help with this depression. Whether it's legit or not, she's looking for a bit of love and care, otherwise she wouldn't have said anything.

RobbStarksBitch Tue 18-Nov-14 16:43:15

You're all right of course. I'll just suck it up and be there for her like I always have.

She has never and will never know I have felt this way btw. I would never do that to her.

And thank you for your replies. You're all right in that I have my own life and I would never swap mine for hers. Maybe she is as jealous of me as I have been of her.

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