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Need advice ASAP 'D'H and adult work site

(25 Posts)
chaletian Mon 17-Nov-14 21:42:20

Devastated. Just opened his iPad to use and opened safari. When I clicked on new page it showed all his search history on iPhone. Loads of bookmarks to Adultworks website and 1 to a local prostitutes website! Just texted him to say I know. He'll be home any minute. What do I do/say? Help please

inlectorecumbit Mon 17-Nov-14 21:43:41

say nothing--let him talk and try worm his way out !!

chaletian Mon 17-Nov-14 21:44:20

From reading previous threads on here (looooong time lurker) Adultworks is where you hook up with people for sex and the fact he's been on there and then visited this local girls site makes me think he's definitely done something?? Shaking and feel physically sick. 3 DCs asleep upstairs.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Mon 17-Nov-14 21:44:29

Say nothing. Let him do the talking.

And ring a solicitor and the STD clinic in the morning.

Hugs.

chaletian Mon 17-Nov-14 21:45:36

Thanks for the advice I've seen that a lot on here. He's just drawn up. Fucking fucker

Coffeeinapapercup Mon 17-Nov-14 21:46:23

take pictures with your phone of what you have seen on the ipad.

get evidence

Coffeeinapapercup Mon 17-Nov-14 21:47:09

Hide the damn ipad before he clears the history!

Windywinston Mon 17-Nov-14 21:47:34

I believe it's a website for men to find prostitutes, not just local hook ups. Take screenshots of everything including the search history.

Don't say a word, let him explain everything. Then ask him to leave to give you some space to gather your thoughts.

flowers

lemisscared Mon 17-Nov-14 21:47:45

Yy to screen shots flowers

makeitabetterplace Mon 17-Nov-14 22:19:23

Agree. Let him speak. Don't ask much other than 'tell me everything, this is your only chance' then ask him to go so you can think. Tell a real life friend if you can. X

TinyWishes Mon 17-Nov-14 22:25:22

Hope your ok OP. Sending you lots of hugs. I've been there. You can get through this xxx

chaletian Mon 17-Nov-14 22:50:01

Thanks everyone I got the screen shots. After talking they were sites he'd gone on months ago (no time/date stamp on them). And we had (sorry back story) had a big discussion over visiting sites like this a few months ago and he said he's not done it since and not deleted the history cause got nothing to hide as hasn't done it in months.

Thanks for replies, was expecting a lot of disbelief (like I say long time lurker!) bit it's sorted now

makeitabetterplace Mon 17-Nov-14 22:51:41

Agree. Let him speak. Don't ask much other than 'tell me everything, this is your only chance' then ask him to go so you can think. Tell a real life friend if you can. X

HeartHasShattered Mon 17-Nov-14 22:52:35

Apple history is in chronological order, just fyi.

chaletian Mon 17-Nov-14 22:52:53

Really appreciate everyone taking time out to post thanks very much xx

LadyBlaBlah Mon 17-Nov-14 22:53:07

"Hasn't done it in months?"

Jeez you are forgiving.

Hasn't done it at all would kinda be my starting point for a relationship.

Good luck with that one

chaletian Mon 17-Nov-14 22:55:58

Really? He had about 30 pages opened on his phone and they corresponded to what was on the iPad, but he said he doesn't open new tabs, just opens safari and uses the same tab over and over. And I've had the iPhone for theist hour going through everything with him. Really? Can I post a pic here from app?

AnyFucker Mon 17-Nov-14 23:04:00

I am confused

he has been trawling sites that feature prostitutes but because it was a few months ago, all is well ?

Windywinston Mon 17-Nov-14 23:04:15

I'm with LadyBlaBla

Windywinston Mon 17-Nov-14 23:08:06

The iPad history should show when he accessed each page by date. But in all seriousness, does it really matter when he looked?

Twinklestein Mon 17-Nov-14 23:09:17

I'm on my ipad, I use Safari and my history tells me what sites I've been on this evening, this morning, Sun evening etc...

chaletian Mon 17-Nov-14 23:36:17

Thanks for replies. The previous that I mentioned was I don't mind him watching porn, but saw he'd gone on this Adultworks and said that live chats, etc were a deal breaker for me. He's not got an account with that site (have tonight checked phone & iPad). He said he'd gone on to look at the pictures and he wouldn't do it again.
TBF we had a pretty shitty sex life for a few years (I had zero sex drive after having our 2 youngest and BFing for 4 years) so it was "easier" him looking elsewhere than mithering me!
But the last few months have been great! Renewed sex drive from me, pretty regular action, so I do tend to believe him that it's historical (as in these sites)
I have the iPad in front of me now and he's gone to bed so can search through if someone knows how to do that.
Sorry not articulating myself v well, have had a couple of ����

chaletian Mon 17-Nov-14 23:42:20

Oh and I did try the "just tell me the truth ... you have one chance to be honest" thing when he came in, but he seemed genuinely baffled.
I think I've just over reacted to something that had happened a long time ago.
Again thanks for replies I've read them all and appreciate you taking time to help xx

AnyFucker Mon 17-Nov-14 23:51:30

OK, well all the best then.

BTW, it's not obligatory that you accept the use of porn from your partner. These things can sometimes have a nasty habit of escalating eg. from simple videos to interactive sites to messaging to paying for sex.

Just a thought.

Some men will use the natural decline in their partner's sex drive following child birth as carte blanc to blur those boundaries too. It's a foolish woman that allows them to hand over the responsibility for that.

Windywinston Mon 17-Nov-14 23:54:31

He needs to be told that adult work and live chats are deal breakers? Crikey.

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