Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How many women change their mind after staring divorce process

(17 Posts)
conway Mon 17-Nov-14 20:22:35

My hubby seems to think I will change my mind and not want a divorce after all.He says that he looked it up on the internet and spoke to friends! I would like to know if there are any women who did change their mind and also if any regrettted separating or divorcing as My Hubbie says that is also true.

Cabrinha Mon 17-Nov-14 20:30:13

Patronising arse, isn't he?

Cabrinha Mon 17-Nov-14 20:31:26

I don't know a single person who has changed their mind or regretted it. I know a few who wish they'd done it sooner grin

Just so bloody patronising to tell you that you'll change your mind!

Arlagirl Mon 17-Nov-14 20:32:35

Why are you listening to him?

davejudgement Mon 17-Nov-14 20:36:27

I did, process had started, he was 'difficult' and wasted my money sending my solicitors ridiculous letters. I pulled the process as I basically couldn't afford it.

Exactly three months later he suddenly died.

I went back to same solicitor to do probate. It was a bit weird.

conway Mon 17-Nov-14 20:38:00

I think he is just saying anything to make me change my mind. It is not working as the more patronising he is the more I want a divorce. Very hard as he is digging his heels in, luckily my solicitor is good and without him couldn't manage. Just wish things would speed up but doesn't look likely.

worserevived Mon 17-Nov-14 20:40:26

I don't think what other people do is even remotely relevant to your decision. Divorce is personal, based on personal circumstances. You will know whether it is the right decision for you. Your DH can't possibly know your own mind better than you do, even if he thinks he does!

As an aside I know of two couples who got back together again after 2 years separation, and I shut down my divorce after the decree nisi. DH and I are together and happy. A lot happened between me filing for divorce, and my decision to start again with DH though. It wasn't just a case of me changing my mind.

generaltilney Mon 17-Nov-14 20:44:16

I can believe that many people regret divorce, it's a deeply unpleasant process.

Why are you breaking up?

I shouldn't have got married to XH, I regret that, but not leaving him as we wanted entirely different lives.

Viviennemary Mon 17-Nov-14 20:48:32

I've not met anyone who has regretted getting divorced if they were the ones who wanted the divorce in the first place. I know one or two people who wish they had left their partners years ago.

Redhead11 Mon 17-Nov-14 20:52:38

I think XH thought he just had to snap his fingers and i would go back to him - right up until i signed the divorce papers and it was finalised. And that was despite everything I had since learned about his twatish behaviour!

TeapotDictator Tue 18-Nov-14 07:44:55

I do not know ONE person who initiated the separation/divorce themselves (and even sometimes those who didn't) who hasn't felt an enormous sense of relief once it's all over. Life is very different as a single parent, but the pure lightness I felt once he'd moved out (and I wasn't basically living with two small children plus one hideous selfish millstone-round-my-neck-who-made-doing-anything-like-wading-through-treacle) was incredible.

Don't listen to him. He's using desperate tactics.

ScrambledEggAndToast Tue 18-Nov-14 07:50:44

I found it difficult to start the procedure IYSWIM and kept "chickening out" as I hoped things would get better. However, one day, I just decided that was the day and I was ready to do it. I never once looked back or regretted my decision. As long as you are in the right place then I don't think you will regret it or change your mind.

atticusclaw Tue 18-Nov-14 07:53:13

I think a lot of people put it off but then once they've started the process they're over that hurdle and they go through with it.

WannaBe Tue 18-Nov-14 08:02:43

oh, he read it on the internet so it must be true. hmm

tbh op nothing anyone else says can change what you do - just because others have done x or y doesn't mean you will as well.

Do what is best for you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Nov-14 08:34:26

It sounds as though you need to cut off communication with your STBXH if he's going for the 'patronising, brow-beating, other-people-do-it-why-can't-you?' approach. Are you stuck living under the same roof OP that he feels entitled to treat you to this rubbish? Or does he get in touch specially to tell you that you're an idiot?

Glad you have a good solicitor.

conway Tue 18-Nov-14 09:12:55

Unfortunately still have to live in the same house. Waiting for him to fill out his finance form which is taking him ages.
We are going to try and pretend to have a normal christmas with our boys and he is going to invite his mum over which we always do. I think that he will do anything to try and get me to change my mind over christmas and so will his mum. I need to keep posting on here to keep strong. ( I keep thinking that this will be the last christmas that I have to do this)He is also now been a much better dad than he has ever been but I feel it is all a bit late. Please all help to keep going.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Nov-14 09:38:29

With respect, I think you're playing this wrong by being reasonable and willing to fake things like 'normal' Christmases for the sake of keeping up appearances. If you want him to fill out forms for example, you have to hold his feet to the fire by making his life more unpleasant - even if it's at some inconvenience to yourself. Does his mother know you're divorcing? Find some leverage....

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: