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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support. I the only one?

(16 Posts)
Foreverblue Mon 17-Nov-14 16:20:23

Hi folks
I hope this post doesn't end up too long but here goes..
I'm really fed up with myself and my own stupid jealousy and insecurity! I have a lovely partner and I'm about to give birth to our first child together any day now... I should be delighted and excited except I'm really struggling thinking he's having affairs, chatting to other women online, contacting his ex etc...I realise this is most likely all in my head as he has never given me a reason to doubt him!
I also realise I sound very silly but I actually seethe with hurt and anger if he even mentions another woman or says he finds someone else attractive..I feel like a horrible person and I'm hoping that it's just pregnancy hormones!
Did this happen while any of you while pregnant? And also is this something I can get help for without looking ridiculous?
Thank you!

OhForFoxSakeYourPullingMyChain Mon 17-Nov-14 16:31:38

Hi sweetheart
Congratulations on your baby, I was like this sweetheart, especially when pregnant, there are no quick fixes, but in my experience it does pass...After the baby if you can remember to have time for you too, your going to be a great mum and I think your hormones are giving you the run around. After 20 years I am okay now, I had to build myself esteem, you probably are just being protective of your little family, try not to stress, when the baby is here you will be all consumed with that love instead, good luck & best wishes, enjoy your lovely time smile

honeybunny14 Mon 17-Nov-14 16:37:44

It happened to me in my first pregnancy. It was horrible for both me and my dp I constantly accused him and would feel my whole face flush with anger if I thought he found someone else attractive and if he commented on another female I would feel devastated. I had no jealousy issues before being pregnant and it passed when I had baby I think it's the hormones it does get better flowers

Foreverblue Mon 17-Nov-14 16:43:12

Hi and thank you for your's strangely comforting to know others have had this happen..I feel awful when I accuse him because I can see how much it hurts him..this is his first child but my 4th and I feel like I'm ruining what should be a really special time for him! It makes me feel so guilty after it happens but I can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head x

honeybunny14 Mon 17-Nov-14 17:58:01

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's an emotional time I can relate so much i could have written your post. When baby's here you will feel more secure good luck op smile

NightTimeCometh Mon 17-Nov-14 18:10:23

I was like this for a few months after I'd given birth - very odd as I'm not the jealous, insecure type normally.

Foreverblue Mon 17-Nov-14 18:46:10

Thank you! I really appreciate least I know I can put it down to hormones to some degree..I think the fact that we are long distance at the moment due to his job doesn't make things any easier


Sympathise. I have also struggle with this not pregnant though. Hugs x

nozzz Mon 17-Nov-14 19:49:58

How is your DP coping with your behaviour?

Foreverblue Mon 17-Nov-14 20:05:51

He's been amazing actually..I can't even fault him at all..he just gets very hurt and tries his best to make me see sense..although when I'm in that frame of mind I feel completely convinced that I'm right and all my insecurities come flooding to the surface and I am very difficult to reason with..I know it's horrible for him and I hate hurting him sad

JaceyBee Mon 17-Nov-14 20:22:18

I'm not unsympathetic by any means but you do need to take some responsibility for your behaviour here and learn to tolerate distressing thoughts and emotions without necessarily acting on them.

If you get a jealous thought or feel insecure, accept it is your issue and don't make it your partners. You don't have to voice every thought that pops into your head. Distract yourself or just allow the thought to pass. Easier said than done but it is possible.

Foreverblue Mon 17-Nov-14 20:38:28

Oh I absolutely agree that this is my responsibility to deal with and I honestly do try to not dwell on the thoughts..I know that they are completely irrational..I know it's unfair of me to be accusing's like I crave reassurance to a certain extentsad
I sound so needy!

JaceyBee Mon 17-Nov-14 21:10:01

Yes but reassurance seeking just feeds anxiety even more so it's not helpful of him to be doing it. I know it's hard not to ask but it becomes a bit of a safety behaviour, something that you need in order to not feel anxious.

Next time something triggers you feeling jealous and you want to accuse him or seek reassurance somehow, just take a couple of minutes to ground yourself, breathe calmly and slowly and manage your reactions by just noticing what the impulse is and then resisting the urge to act on it.

Foreverblue Mon 17-Nov-14 21:26:38

I think that's actually made a lot of sense..I tend to get the thought in my head or feel jealous, I need reassurance from him, I accuse, I get reassurance and then I'm ok..except we are both emotionally drained by it at the's a definite pattern iv noticed that seems to happen maybe once every 2 months or so..I will definitely take your advice x thank you x

JaceyBee Mon 17-Nov-14 21:42:18

You're welcome smile I think it's really cool of you to even post here about it, it can't have been easy for you. Many people who are jealous and controlling take no responsibility for it and basically just expect their partners to pander to it which is just wrong. Well done for trying to do something better!

If you get an unpleasant intrusive thought, try saying to yourself 'I'm just noticing myself having the thought that dh blah blah blah...' Repeat the a couple of times. It can have the affect of taking the emotional sting out of the thought, seeing it for what it is, just simply a thought, not a fact or a reality.

Foreverblue Mon 17-Nov-14 22:03:18

Thank you I really do appreciate that has made me realise that it's more reassurance seeking than actually believing what I'm accusing him off iyswim..I think I just needed that confirmed and your response made sense to me x
Tbh I didn't feel brave I just felt utterly sick of my own behaviour and also I really don't want to mess up an otherwise very happy relationship and hurt a really wonderful guy x

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