Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Does being ignored cause anxiety?

(23 Posts)
lavenderscent Mon 17-Nov-14 14:38:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lavenderscent Mon 17-Nov-14 14:39:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ravenmum Mon 17-Nov-14 14:41:39

Yes, being treated like shit makes you feel like shit. Not having anyone backing you up makes you feel like you have no-one backing you up. Stop talking to him and talk to someone nicer.

cailindana Mon 17-Nov-14 14:42:17

IMO ignoring someone is one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. Of course it caused your anxiety - you suffered an ongoing form of mental torture for 20 years.

heather1 Mon 17-Nov-14 14:42:19

I don't know the answer to this. But I went to a talk recently about emotional freedom technique or tapping. It was a bit woo. But to get to my point the woman explained that research has shown that any kind of social rejection triggers the part of our primitive brain that was used to escape danger when we all lived in caves.
So that leads me to think that there could be a link.
I'm sure someone more knowledgable will come along soon.

Madlizzy Mon 17-Nov-14 14:44:09

Your cause of anxiety left you which means that you now no longer have to feel anxious. He did a number on you over the years. Agree that you don't need to talk to him. If he says that to you again, just tell him that funnily enough, since he left and you don't have to live with HIM, you're doing just fine and dandy.

Charley50 Mon 17-Nov-14 14:50:25

Yes I was treated like this for a few years and became very anxious. When we moved in together it stopped because he didn't ignore me. He moved out a few months ago and we tried to still see each other but the ignoring began again and I've got anxious and quite depressed so it's over now. Agree with all the other posters and you.

lavenderscent Mon 17-Nov-14 14:51:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinklestein Mon 17-Nov-14 15:02:31

That the anxiety cleared up with his departure it was entirely caused by him.

I wager he didn't just ignore you. No really nice, well-adjusted guy does that to his wife, so I reckon there was other unpleasantness too...

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 17-Nov-14 15:12:34

He caused the anxiety then blames you for him leaving due to your anxiety and says you caused your own anxiety on purpose?

Sorry OP but why do you pay any mind to this utter bastard?

Riverland Mon 17-Nov-14 15:16:09

being 'sent to coventry' is bullying.

Solitary confinement is a punishment.

Ignoring someone you live with is emotional abuse.

Riverland Mon 17-Nov-14 15:16:44


MrsDeVere Mon 17-Nov-14 15:17:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thenamehaschanged Mon 17-Nov-14 15:27:01

Yes Lavender, like everyone else has said, ignoring is a horrible thing to do to someone. It's an outright abusive technique. A pattern of silent treatment, often for a couple of weeks at a time is not just someone in a 'huff', it's psychological torment designed to punish - and punished you were because the resulting anxiety and depression you developed because of it is horrible.

I'm so glad yours has cleared up.

Didactylos Mon 17-Nov-14 15:29:54

its amazing the anxiety issues and physical responses to stress that clear up when an abuser is out your life

i used to have an EA partner who specialised in engineering situations that were all apparently my fault, and then sulking/big dramatic silences/ignoring me (while he lived in my damn house and I did all the work/cooking etc!)
while i whipped myself into knots, had panic attacks, palpitations, near constant tension headaches, took painkillers every day, considered antidepressanys and went to counselling: and nearly compromised my work and study because i was so focused on him

in the intervening 15 years since leaving him I have never had another panic attack and can almost count the headaches Ive had on one hand

SuzeeMumof2 Mon 17-Nov-14 15:39:03

I think being ignored at times when i felt most vulnerable is what caused my split up. It builds up so must frustration and you sometimes feel like you're buried alive and no one can hear you.

I'm feeling better nowadays, and im glad to hear you seem like your on the mend.

brokenhearted55a Mon 17-Nov-14 15:59:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trackrBird Mon 17-Nov-14 19:46:43

since he left, I no longer suffer. He says this shows I could have dealt with it had I really wanted too. angry

To which the answer is - 'yes, I should have kicked you out sooner.'

I'm glad you're feeling better now, lavender. I hope you won't blame yourself anymore.

HumblePieMonster Mon 17-Nov-14 19:50:44

He's a prat and a pillock and a complete self-serving bastard. I know that from your two opening posts. I don't have to meet him.

Congratulations on being well. Congratulations on having seen the back of him. Never let him near you again. Don't trust his judgement and don't listen to what he says.

You were abused. You are free now. Living a wonderful life is the best revenge, and not giving two hoots about what he thinks is a close second. Both will upset him beyond measure, but you'll be so busy being happy you won't even notice.

lavenderscent Mon 17-Nov-14 21:37:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springydaffs Mon 17-Nov-14 23:21:43

What a BASTARD. What a snivveling, vile, slug of a 'man'. He tortured you, you fell apart, he left, you got better, he blames you for your illness WHICH HE CAUSED.


springydaffs Mon 17-Nov-14 23:34:33

Why do you want to keep 'unnoticed' btw?

Sadly, there are many, many women who suffer the exact same abuse, so you wouldn't be noticed ie identifiable. Twinkle knew there were other things because there always are other things with abusers.

Obviously, your choice if you don't want to divulge. Just want you to know it's not as uncommon as you might think. Which, in a way, breaks the horror of it to some extent. Certainly breaks any suspicion or shame that there must have been something about us that caused it....

SO glad to hear you're free of the shit anxiety now he's gone . Do you have to have any contact with him? I'd keep it to the absolute barest minimum, preferably no contact at all. Why on earth would you want to communicate with someone who dragged out your tailor-made torture for decades? You can go no contact without flouncing if you don't want to involve, for example, children - just be 'busy' on any event days. Though if there were children living in the house for all the years he was stretching you on the rack, perhaps they need to know that what he did was not acceptable (understatement). It was abuse. Which he is now blaming you for the shit

SelfLoathing Mon 17-Nov-14 23:38:35

Yes being ignore causes anxiety. That's why it's done. It's a form of emotional abuse designed to convey to you that you are worthless.

Read this for more info as to why its abusive:

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now