I'm not saying that I'm going to do anything or should do anything, I just need to get something off my chest.
I'm part of a really good group of friends, we really care about each other. One of us went through the mill with a very serious illness a few years ago and luckily survived. She is married with kids. Her illness made her focus on being happy in life and now I find her inspirational tbh. She's married to a man she is clearly in love with and idolises in some ways. They have kids together and on the surface you would say they are very happy.
However, a couple of us know her OH through a work situation and know that he has a reputation for being a ladies man. He is very obsessed with his looks and is very conscious about other women noticing him. My friend is blind to all this and just says what a lovely man he is, how popular he is and how everyone adores him. Myself and another friend have seen his behaviour from the other side and know there is no way he is being faithful. I know it's really cowardly but with her then potentially terminal illness, the kids and it seemingly being only one offs we didn't say anything. We didn't want to hurt her at a time when she was so low.
Fast forward a few years and he's now in a job where he is regularly away for long periods of time. She doesn't want him to be but he doesn't give her any choice. I would put money in the fact he is sleeping around and so is going off enjoying himself leaving her to do all the day to day donkey work. She still adores him and tells us how wonderful he is and how everyone loves him, but I can see in her face she isn't happy. It's my guess she won't put her foot down because she knows he won't choose her and the kids over his exciting job/life. She therefore indulges him like she's his mother. I feel so desperately sad and angry for her. I also find it hard to nod along when she is waxing lyrical about what a great guy he is.
Myself and the other friend have briefly discussed how angry we are at him for treating our lovely friend this way. I always feel shit because I feel like we're gossiping behind her back but we both get frustrated and don't know what to do. We have never ever said anything to anyone else and never would. We just both know the other side of him and know what he's really up to. Granted we have no proof so wouldn't say anything but we have seen him in action. I tried to talk to him once about it many years ago but he just laughed it off.
I hate seeing my friend trying to convince us and herself about how wonderful he is when we know what he's really like.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Worried about my friend
9 replies
Bellalunagirl · 17/11/2014 10:44
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.